The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog
The blog where Martha watches an episode of Star Trek and then talks about it with her Trekkie friend Cindee
Martha: Hi. We’ve been incredibly inconsistent with this prime directive stuff so here is an episode where we beat you about the head with it in order to further your understanding
Cindee: hahahahaha. I feel like their answer in this one actually made some sense though? It’s been a while admittedly…
Martha: Yeah, and there was some initial intrigue! I felt the plot was fairly obvious once it got going but it was interesting
Continue reading “Just Say No (AKA Symbiosis)”Martha: OMG GET EXCITED
Cindee: ?
Martha: We have a new chief engineer!
Cindee: Oh lol, yeah.
Martha: I’m sure that’s our fourth hahaha. He didn’t die though! But I’m sure we’ll never see him again
Cindee: Ok, so I take it you watched the Arsenal of Freedom.
Martha: I have indeed! Of all the ’21st century Earth was terrible’ i think sadly the ‘peace through superior firepower’ is the most accurate so far
Cindee: Hahaha, probably true
Martha: But unlike humans who sorted themselves out in time to fix it, because humans rock, this planet has wiped itself out.
Cindee: correct
Martha: Leaving only deadly weapons at every turn
Cindee: And a robot to sell them.
Martha: So Yar decides ‘definitely better get down to that’ What could possibly go wrong. Everything. Everything Yar.
Cindee: Hahaha. So, first things first. I just want to say, for the record: Deanna Troi’s rank is Lt. Commander. She outranks LaForge AND Logan
Martha: yes but… Cindee. SHES SUPER ANNOYING
Cindee: Logan seems pretty annoying, too
Martha ‘As the ship counsellor its my job to interrupt you and say ‘the new guys are nervous we are being SHOT AT BY AN INVISIBLE SUPER AWESOME SHOOTING THING’ no shit Troi. I wont hear a thing about chief engineer no4! He is absolutely the 4th best candidate for the job!
Cindee: Maybe, but she outranks him
Martha: Well Logan outranked LaForge right? 2 dots vs a dot and a half
Cindee: Yes
Martha: But, Picard said Geordi was the boss, soooooo. MAIN CAST CINDEE, why do we even care about anyone else?
Cindee: Troi is the main cast, she’s a Lt. Commander
Martha Okay LaForge is trained in command, military AND navigation and engineering
Cindee: Troi went to Starfleet academy
Martha: Troi is good at ‘ooooh I feel that maybe were gonna get shot at’
Cindee: I don’t know that I agree that LaForge is trained in military
Martha: He’s RED CINDEE, navigation and command and fighting…
Cindee: Navigation and command, fighting is yellow.
Martha: Haha Riker fights!
Cindee: But it isn’t his job, he just does it on the side
Martha: Honestly i feel the colours are very blurred, you said Geordi is a super good engineer too.
Cindee: yeah they get more clear next season
Martha: Geordi is multifaceted, whereas Troi doesn’t even have a colour
Cindee: Well she’s SUPPOSED to be wearing blue.
Martha: She gave up her right to be the boss of the ship when she didn’t wear her uniform and 2 and a half pips, plus clearly Picard likes La Forge, he’s left him in charge twice now. PLUS HE UNDERSTANDS HIM NOW. He’s seen through his eyes….
Cindee: lolololol ok, so Picard erroneously leaves LaForge in charge and beams down and falls in a hole with Crusher
Martha: Wooooah wait a minute. Riker meets a guy called Rice(r) and has some fantastic bants
Cindee: about the good ship lollipop
Martha: Like I dont know where ‘yo momma’ jokes started But I’d like to think it was with Riker… Rice is all ‘who sent you’ and Riker replies ‘YOUR MOMMA’
Cindee: I don’t think that those are related…
Martha: (I think he technically says your mother but Im calling it regardless) but yes, the good old Lollipop is indeed a good ship. That was some pretty snazzy alien tech to be fair. Shame they couldn’t actually buy some…
Cindee: Yeah so Yar keeps outsmarting them or whatever
Martha: She fires her fazer and it works ONCE. Data does most of the smartsing
Cindee: Meanwhile, Picard and Crusher fall in a hole
Martha: Why are you so obsessed with this hole! I’m just glad Picard didn’t ‘omg fall on top of the lady’
Cindee: Also, if those things are so fancy, why can’t they fucking aim,
they’re worse than storm troopers!
Martha: And they dont even have that genuine war syndrome thing to blame…
Cindee: Oh and the hole, I just think it is a stupid plot point to fall in a hole
Martha: Well of course it is, and Crusher somehow manages to fall UNDER some pretty heavy sand…
Cindee: I know, how did that occur exactly? I’m no physicist, but . . .
Martha: We’re supposed to think it fell with her from the walls or the top I guess
Cindee: Ok, fine
Martha: But Picard, being a manly man, was not so afflicted by this sand so we get treated to Picard’s bedside manner STAY AWAKE. THATS AN ORDER
Cindee: so Crusher is covered in sand and tells Picard how to do basic first aid, which one would think he’d know…
Martha: Erm no. Basic first aid has been cured. Nobody needs it anymore
Cindee: Meanwhile, she uses her knowledge of roots from ANOTHER PLANET to identify one on this one that could be useful
Martha: ALL YELLOW PLANTS ARE FINE
Cindee: And Picard tastes it and it’s yellow so naturally…
Martha: How dare you question her Grandmother’s knowledge. So we now know Crusher once lived on some planet where I guess everyone died… except Crusher and her grandma…
Cindee: They all did, they all have some horrible tragic past.
Martha: I’m still waiting on La Forge’s. And Riker’s. And Picard’s! I cant wait to learn of their emotional turmoil
Cindee: ha, well, I’d tell ya, but SPOILERS
Martha: oh, guess what happens when they fall down the hole… It’s a literal RIP to the lab cardigan
Cindee: Lab coat
Martha: I thought we agreed on lab cardigan
Cindee: You agreed on lab cardigan… its not like she can’t get another one
Martha: Im sure Troi has a massive fucking unused stash she can have ‘these are all brand new in the packet’
Cindee: What on earth are you talking about? She can just replicate a new one
Martha: They havent used the replicators yet! I dont think anyway…
Cindee: Huh? Interesting
Martha: If something like fizzles into view is that the replicator? cos the Klingons got themselves some food like that.
Cindee: Yes
Martha: Okay the Klingons replicated food then. They knew how it worked. Maybe Worf told them after the yelling…but I’m not aware of it being made a point of yet.
Cindee: Well, the odd thing is, different aliens all seem capable of using each others technology without instruction all the time
Martha: Well, I do not know the technology. I am but a primitive alien
Cindee: What you can and cannot replicate seems to change for the convenience of the plot
Martha: Well thats fair enough haha. Anyway, I think its a good job Geordi is left in charge because Geordi is the only person who remembers the ship separates.
Cindee: Well that’s true.
Martha: AND he knows that theres always time for a log!
Cindee: seriously, they almost never separate it and they almost always should! Well ya gotta have logs
Martha: Picard knows no one else will bother with a log whilst they’re being shot at by an invisible massively powerful alien and all their shields are down and most of the senior staff are stuck on a planet where they cant beam off being shot at by similar powerful things…
WELL would YOU separate if you got the reception La Forge got? I left you this ship in one piece! FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT! HOW ABOUT A WELL DONE PICARD??
Cindee: Wait, what?
Martha: How about a pat on the back? When he comes back Picard is all ‘when I left this ship was in one piece, sort it out’
Cindee: oh well he was joking!
Martha: and its his ‘hahaha’ way with Riker which has absolutely no humour to it half the time. He is rubbish at joking!
Cindee: Well he is still learning
Martha: he is getting there. if he wasn’t as aggressive the rest of the time I could take his jokes as jokes haha. Oh I forgot about Data rescuing them from the convenient hole. Oh, also, contrary to popular believe (very) white men CAN jump (down holes…)
Cindee: That’s the title of a movie, not a popular belief
Martha: I take all my beliefs from Woody Harrelson movies. Twinkies are gods gift to food, and, other stuff.
Cindee: you are now making pop culture references I do not understand
Martha In Zombieland he’s obsessed with finding a twinkie as they are the only food which can survive an apocalypse, or something…
Cindee: Also, can’t believe you didn’t complain about the lack of Wesley..
Martha: Hahah after ‘Coming of Age’ I’m due for a break….
Cindee: So, some Klingons show up, and they’re not fans of the treaty
Martha: Can we go back a second, What is the neutral zone? And why can’t anyone go in it?
Cindee: Well it’s a bit weird, cause in TOS the neutral zone is an area of space between the Klingon Empire and Federation. In TNG its the same thing, but with the Romulans
Martha: I could understand no battle ships. But this was a freight ship?
Cindee: No one can go in the neutral zone. NO ONE
Martha: Okay
Cindee: I mean, in theory
Martha: So yes, they go aboard and find Klingons.I have many issues with this episode. Mostly with your friend Picard.
Cindee: Well he’s not my friend yet
Martha
Martha: Hahaha, So Geordie has a way to transmit his vision to the bridge.
Cindee: ooooh right, that was a thing in this episode, and then they never spoke of it again
Martha: and now Picard can FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM. Because you can’t understand someone unless you know how they see things visually.
Cindee: Correct, that’s why Tony doesn’t understand me, he has perfect vision, I wear glasses. Eventually, it’ll lead to divorce.
Martha: And what’s that red human shaped thing?!
Cindee: Riker
Martha: Oh… Riker.. Come on Picard!
Cindee: So yeah, pretty ableist
Martha: It just was weirdly worded They could have been like ‘oh so this is what you can see! The strength of the metal, the heat signals, cool!’
Not ‘now I know who he is… I had no idea before!’
Cindee: It’s like when they have kids use a wheelchair or blindfold themselves or whatever and then think they understand what it is like to be disabled.
Martha: Hahahahaha yeah basically
Cindee: No you don’t, you don’t know how to operate a damn wheelchair, so of course its superweird for you…
Martha: Yes it was very silly
Cindee: Yes, and then they never spoke of it again…
Martha: Well the signal got overloaded. Forever… OH, We have another fantastic ask of Data from Riker.
Cindee: which is?
Martha:
Riker: How do we get to the engine room?
Data: There are several paths to the engine room, all of which are equally dangerous
Riker: Well which is the least dangerous?!’
RIKER DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT EQUALLY MEANS!
Cindee: Lol, I have tried to explain to you that he’s not that bright
Martha: Hahaha he really isn’t!
Cindee: Did he have his thinking face?
Riker: No he was mad. He was mad because he was sick of Picard being all
‘Look at Data!’
‘Look at some fire!’
‘Look at Riker!!’
Treating poor Geordi like an eye puppet
Cindee: Wait, Riker is mad at ableism and so asked Data a stupid question later?
Martha: No he didn’t have a thinking face cos he was too annoyed for it…
Cindee: There is this one episode where for medical reasons, Riker is having trouble concentrating. aAnyways I am like HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT THAN NORMAL. Like theres like a whole minute of him just making lots of thinking faces and looking confused
Martha: That. Sounds.Amazing. Im sure it won’t be… Anyway, so we find some
Klingons, and beam them back. WITH SOME ADDED PERIL OF AN EXPLOSION. But somehow they beam fine
Cindee: Saved by the transporter, as always. Transporters are fucking magical,
Martha: Sooooo the Klingons are here, and just like Datalore we now distrust Worf!
Cindee: Lmao, yeah, it is funny cause they act like people will be loyal to their “kind” over their actual socialization
Martha: Like seriously. I hope some dodgy French people don’t come aboard cos now we won’t trust Picard!
Cindee: It’s really actually racist, if you think about it. it assumes people’s intentions, behavior, etc are like built into their genes or something.
Martha. It’s just very odd and it makes you think that they’re not really good friends and teammates!!
Cindee: But you know, humans are Americans, and it was only 70 years ago we were like “lets distrust these Japanese American citizens!!!”
Martha: Hurray for Joseph McCarthy!
Cindee: um, I don’t think that was McCarthy. McCarthy was the communist witch hunt guy
Martha: I thought it came about after his red scare stuff as well
Cindee: No, it was during WWII. Red scare was after WWII. the point is, racism. Worf is in Starfleet, but we can’t trust him cause genes.
Martha: Or Data, cos circuits…
Cindee: Lmao, yes anyways, so the Klingons are on board
Martha: But to be fair Worf does get quite into these Klingons, he even does a lovely yell when one dies.
Cindee: Well, that doesn’t really bother me, people have death rituals
Martha: No it just felt he was copying them a bit
Cindee: Did he only start after they did?
Martha: Yes
Cindee: Ok
Martha. As with Lore in Datalore, the Klingons are given remarkable freedom on the ship, until we speak to big boss Klingon and we find out that actually these are rebels.
Cindee: Well, there’s a treaty. They’re allies
Martha: Well they don’t fully trust them as the damage to the ship is from Klingon weapons. (On a Ferengi ship… hmmm ok)
Cindee: Aaaaaand?
Martha: THEY KILL 2 PEOPLE
Cindee: When they were on the freighter?
Martha: No the Klingons killed two security people
Cindee: I forgot about that, and doesn’t Worf kinda defend them?
Martha: He acts incredibly neutral to them. Like, too neutral really considering. A mother and child come out of a lift and Yar says GO BACK! And then the Klingon picks a kid up, Yar calls in a hostage situation. The Klingon gives the kid to Worf and Worf puts her down AND THE MOTHER AND CHILD SQUEEZE PAST THE KLINGONS AND CONTINUE THEIR JOURNEY
Cindee: Lmao
Martha: No go back in the fucking lift!!!
Cindee: There’s a treaty! There’s nothing to fear!
Martha: And then Worf is all ‘it’s weak to take hostages, Klingons don’t do that’ But then the Klingons give up
Cindee: Are you sure he didn’t say it was dishonorable, thats what he calls most things.
Martha: And then Worf is all don’t kill them, let them free on a planet with massive fuck off monsters so they can fight to the death.
Cindee: Right, to die an honorable death.
Martha: Yes, And I’m pretty sure the boss is like ‘nope’
Cindee: If a Klingon doesn’t die in battle, they don’t go to Klingon heaven
Martha: If Klingons go to Klingon heaven…why do they scream to warn the others of a warrior incoming? If they’re all warriors…
Cindee: Cause, warriors are scary
Martha: Not if you’re a warrior too…
Martha: Erm so anyway Klingon boss is all ‘after you’re done being a SF Officer come join me’ And Worf is all like ‘I am honoured’
Cindee: Worf likes honor
Martha: And then Picard and Riker and everyone just stare at him, like him joining the Klingons would be a FUCKING TRAVESTY
Cindee: And he was like j/k.
Martha: hahahahaha, he was so like j/k.
Martha: Cindee!! Wtf is this. Watch Picard’s face as he goes through the door.
Cindee: ok so. I noticed that too and thought I was imagining it
Martha: Ahahaha! Is he just being daft and they left it in?
Cindee: That is the only explanation I have.
Martha: I must say though that was the highlight of the episode.
Cindee: Yeah so I don’t know that there’s much to say about this episode other than “what exactly was that?” and, ableism.
Martha: The story was predictable due to the crappy make up
Cindee: You could tell he wasn’t an old dude from the start?
Martha: Like if he didn’t get younger OR have flashbacks then what on Earth. I had my suspicions, like Riker, who is always suspicious. I kept hoping his next ‘attack’ would end with him being a baby.
Cindee: Then have I got the Voyager episode for you!
Martha: DO YOU BELIEVE US NOW HOSTAGE MAN?And then when Picard is trying to prove his story to the bad guy he’s all‘Look at these medical photos we took!’ And it’s all fucking screen grabs of previous scenes!!
Cindee: it was the 80s!
Martha: Where was Crusher and her camera?! Surely this isn’t reliable medical evidence! And the handy scar, which he could have shown about 15 mins before he did.
Cindee: What would have been more reliable?
Martha: Like for medical progress photos they tend to keep people in the same room.The same pose.
Cindee: you know this from your days a a medical practitioner?
Martha: IVE USED GOOGLE.
Cindee: You googled “medical progress photos”?
Martha: Everyone needs a hobby
Cindee: Yours is googling medical progress photos?
Martha: Yes
Cindee: Alright then. They should have consulted you!
Martha: My only other thought on this episode is that I’m glad shit interpretations of the prime directive go back 45 years!
Cindee: Do I need an ableism rant, or is the ableism pretty obvious?
Martha: You’re better at it than me. I’m assuming you mean the ‘I can’t possible negotiate this unless I’m young!’ aspect?
Cindee: I mean the tropes, the tropes! Disabled man is bitter.
Disabled man is secretly bad. Disabled man wishes he wasn’t disabled
blah blah blah
Martha: I know what you mean BUT pretty much every other character is like ‘you are making terrible decisions’ His wife is very clear that she loved him as he was and she wasn’t bothered. I mean disabled man did make some shit decisions in the past and, I dunno I guess he wasn’t ‘bad’ as such? He just wanted to make amends
Cindee: Yeah but that actually makes it worse! All the non-disabled people see that the cure is worse than the disability but the guy with it!
Martha: Yes he didn’t want to be disabled anymore, BUT frankly I’m
disappointed that Crusher hasn’t bothered to fix that disease yet.
Cindee: And yeah it would be ok if some characters with disabilities were evil but disabled characters in TV shows are all basically: bitter, evil, or magic
Martha: British people are always evil in things. Evil or Hugh Grant.
Cindee; True. Like all the death star dudes.
Martha: Does this count as a holodeck episode?
Cindee: Not to me. The holodeck is involved, but it’s not the plot.
Martha: I disliked Riker this episode, honestly I didnt enjoy this episode all that much…
Cindee: I didn’t say you would!
Martha: Although i would like a “personal relaxation light” if you know what I mean…. seriously, what does it mean?
Cindee: Um. Wut.
Martha: You’re too busy looking at the bigger existential picture Cindee!!
Cindee: That is usually true
Martha: When they get to the big space station thats what Picard says he wants to do, put on his personal relaxation light and read a novel.
Cindee: I see
Martha: Worf and Yar are off playing ‘parrises squares’. I imagine many people are dead as Worf is taking it very seriously.
Cindee: Yeah why does Riker wander about the ship and see all the supporting characters before the main action? Perhaps so the actors don’t feel left out.
Martha: Hahahah! Yes Riker absolutely does go on a random wander just to check everyone has a job. Data is painting. Crusher is solving a disease. Troi doesn’t fucking exist.
Cindee: Yeah Data is always making paintings, I’m not sure what is up with that.
Martha: So Riker can make ‘hilarious’ quips about the blind man teaching the android to paint!
Cindee: Oh wow that’s nice and ableist. As for parrises squares, they always talk about it but never explain how it is played. Like they talk about it in all three series. Apparently it is really dangerous, though. Anyway my ride is here, I have to go…
Martha: Thats fine. I will just stew over Riker’s paint by numbers hot chick.
*interlude of solace and despair whilst Martha contemplates why she is doing this, and if Cindee will ever return*
Cindee: Where were we…
Martha: Okay! Let me get my notes!
Cindee: You took NOTES?
Martha: I take notes every episode. Otherwise I forget the good quotes SUCH AS ‘What’s a knockout like you doing in a computer generated gin bar like this?’
Cindee: What are you talking about, that’s a great pickup line. That’s how my husband and I met. He said that to me.
Martha: I hope he was leaning against something at the time
Cindee: Well, like Riker, he is a tall man.
Martha: Do we find it creepy that Riker had the holodeck rustle up his perfect physical woman?
Cindee: I find it creepy whenever a character has some sort of romance with a holodeck character
Martha: And then Picard walks in! It’s the equivalent of walking in on someone with a sex doll… but its totally normal! Yeah it’s super creepy especially as she knows exactly what she is too (unlike, I assume, the other holodeck characters?)
Cindee: Yeah most don’t, usually when they figure it out, we’ve got a damn holodeck episode on our hands.
Martha: Also I can really do without Riker playing the trombone. This is why it felt like a holodeck episode to me as it was fully of stupid holodeck stuff alongside the real world plot.
CIndee: Well. I’ve got some REALLY bad news for you. It’s one of his main character traits. There’s this one episode where Crusher is describing everyone, and that’s like the first thing she says about him.
Martha: Seriously?! The TROMBONE urgh. Okay I’m out Cindee. I WAS PROMISED SPACE ADVENTURE. BOLDY GOING WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. Not fucking trombones!!!
Cindee: Do you have something against trombones in particular, characters have to have personality traits for Crusher to explain in that episode.
Martha: Riker has this slightly creepy smiley eye thing, and whilst blowing a trombone his sexy eyes at the lady was just… I can’t!
Cindee: I keep telling you Martha, that’s how my husband and I met. STOP JUDGING US
Martha: So, potentially one of the worst almost disasters to happen to the ship so far, and where is Picard and his number one? ARSING ABOUT ON THE HOLODECK
Cindee: well, yes.
Martha: Typical. Like they’re upgrading the ship, they should not be on the ship, I don’t care if Riker is testing out the ‘upgrades’ get off the damn Enterprise!
Cindee: Well the bynars had it covered
Martha: I didnt mind that bit. They were okay. I don’t quite understand how Picard and Riker managed to download the planet back to the planet merely by looking at it, but that’s the least of my worries…
Cindee: Yeah I kinda like the Bynars themselves
Martha: Yeah they made sense overall. Plus they had snazzy information bum bags And who doesn’t love a bum bag?
Cindee: Is that a Britishism? Bum bag?
Martha: Hahaha yes. You call it a fanny pack. But a fanny is a vagina here. So we don’t call it that.
Cindee: oh wow. ok. This information will come in handy when I next visit England.
Martha: Hahah. Yes So yes we don’t mind the Bynars. I hope they don’t get in too much trouble from evil twin Picard.
Cindee: Evil twin Picard?
Martha: Yeah, the other bald captain who is like Picard’s evil twin because he has a beard. He also has a fancy name but I didn’t write it in my notes
Cindee: Dude. you’re thinking of TOS.
Martha: I am not I haven’t even seen it haha
Cindee: Where did you see this evil Picard?
Martha: ITS LIKE A GODDAMN MIRROR
Cndee: Welp. I forgot about THAT. Fun fact: as established by the mirror universe Spock, in Star Trek, goatee = EVIL
Martha: See he’s evil Picard!
Cindee: Right that’s why at first I was like “is she thinking of TOS or what?” What is the point of that guy?
Martha: He’s just there to like, tell them a bit about the Bynars, and also tell Data and Yar there are no more ships to go help the Enterprise.
Cindee: Wait and Data and Yar don’t notice the damn goatee?
Martha: Well they can’t start distrusting Riker in 10 or so episodes. Plot twist, that’s evil Riker…
Cindee: No, he has a full board, not a goatee
Martha: Hahaha okay! Wesley kiiiinda saves the day. Well he tries. Turns out it’s all a false alarm anyway
Cindee: Right, cause they just want to borrow the ship to download their computer files. The Enterprise is thus a flying flash drive
Martha: It’s the only half decent ship in the galaxy. Despite them having problems with the holodeck…. you don’t say Picard!! I continue to like Data. He was good this episode, evacuated everyone, felt super guilty about everything. I like him
Cindee: Well they aren’t downloading their planet into the holodeck
Martha: Because the holodeck is simply a sexy distraction!
Cindee: No, its a death trap
Martha: Why don’t they just board it up after like, the second death. And be like just watch a fucking movie okay?!
Cindee: They never learn…
Martha: The historian is dead (RIP) Wesley unleashed a snowball virus. Riker has ghonnorhea…
Cindee: They keep using them and things keep going wrong all the way through Voyager, Seriously, someone get on those safety protocols or the Russians are going to hack them so easily.
Martha: So yeah, I wish they had concentrated more on the Bynars. Perhaps more info about them and their planet and the space station they docked at. And none of this sexy holodeck jazz brotherly nonsense
Cindee: brotherly?
Martha: Brothel. My phone keeps changing brothel to brother. That’s not good.
Cindee: Yes, you probably frequently talk about brothels, so this will be a serious problem in the future… Anyway at the end, doesn’t Riker go back to the holodeck and now she’s no good?
Martha: Hahaha oh god yeah! Like I don’t get that, was Minuet like temporary? Why? How would that be a thing? And he tried ALL THE WOMEN but none were the same haha.
Cindee: I think the implication was that the Bynars had magically make the holodeck better, and now that they were gone it wasn’t again, which, why they’d take that away, I dunno.
Martha: Maybe because Riker was grossing them out. If I was Minuet I’d hot foot it out of the holodeck. Yeah like so she was a response to what he wanted whereas the holodeck normally just had pre programmed ‘characters’
Cindee: So, the holodeck read his damn mind?
Martha: Well he does say at some point she was saying exactly what he wanted her too. And Picard was saying how well she responded to… input. Poor Troi. No wonder she wasn’t in this episode!
Cindee: I sometimes wonder where Troi is when it would be handy for someone to be able to read people’s emotions… oh yeah doesn’t she talk in French to him?
Martha: Hahah yes she talks French to Picard…And Rikers all ‘hands off!!’ Haha
Cindee: Does HE say anything in french to indicate he is French, otherwise, why not just talk in a British accent.
Martha: No, she starts it from his name when he is introduced
Cindee: Oh, I see
Martha: But the holodeck isn’t healthy. No one will ever live up to Rikers perfect woman he created.
Cindee: I dunno, he seems to find other women to love
Martha: He’s a tart.
Cindee: A tart? Like, a pop tart?
Martha: Yes. A sexy pop tart.
Cindee: Are you getting out your M and Ms?
Martha: Oh I’ve eaten them all. So I assumed they were going to tackle arranged marriage with their usual sledgehammer tact, and I was not disappointed!
Cindee: Ha, so, it starts off with that creepy talking box, yes?
Martha: Oh god yes. Clearly they spent all the CGI budget on disco ship and had nothing left for the box…
Cindee: When I think of this episode, I think of the creepy talking box, and my hate for Lwaxana Troi…
Martha: The box spilled out a bunch of gems in a really awkward way, like those glitter bombs. Who’s gonna clean that up!?
Cindee: Wesley, maybe?
Martha: Well! That explains where Wesley is, cleaning up, cos is he fuck invited to the wedding!
Cindee: You can’t invite a 15 year old to a naked wedding.
Martha: Oh it was a naked wedding? They hardly every mentioned that…
Cindee: Well the wedding never happened…
Martha: I was being sarcastic
Cindee: OH
Martha: Lwaxana’s dialogue was mostly:
The wedding is naked
Do you want to see me naked?
I know you want to see me naked
Your husband wants to see me naked!
Which of these accessories will look better when I’m naked?
Do you like my hair? It’ll look better when I’m naked
And I’m not even exaggerating!
Cindee: I fucking hate that woman
Martha: Yeah I see your annoyance, but are you as annoyed as Deanna? Do you want to punch a gong out of your way and storm off?
Cindee: I want to punch someone most days, so
Martha: I liked that her party outfit was her work outfit but glittery. But at least she HAD a party outfit!
Cindee: Yeah it is super bizarre that they wear their uniforms like all the time
Martha: Yar made her hair fancy! And so did Crusher. I thought for a second that’s who Wyatt was drawing. Oh and Yar is all ‘woooah you get married NAKED’ Trust Yar.
Cindee: Are we really going to talk about everyone’s hair? Cause then I’m out.
Martha: Only cos you like Picard, and he has no hair.
Cindee: He has a little. Also, I like Dr. Crusher and she has hair. I just don’t give a shit about it.
Martha: It’s only because I thought she fancied it up to look like Wyatt’s pictures. But it wasn’t her. It was the residents of disco ship
Cindee: Why are you calling their ship disco ship?
Martha: Cos it’s having a goddamn rave! It’s got fancy lights like a disco and everyone in it has an infectious disease. Just like a real disco.
Cindee: Alright, you win. Disco ship. The resemblance is not as uncanny as the pokeballs though.
Martha: Only cos we don’t have discoships and I have a patent pending before you try.
Cindee: Ok, so my question, how the hell are these people and Lwaxanna old friends. They seem to hate each other!
Martha: Wasn’t it supposed to be more a friend of Troi’s dad? But yeah you can’t imagine them double dating! Anyway I’m guessing Troi’s father s dead?
Cindee: Everyone’s father is fucking dead!!
Martha: Haha! Well! You mentioned about her random accent she chose. On this her mum says she got it from her dad!!
‘Quick! Explain the accent disparity’
Cindee: Majel couldn’t do “British person badly doing American” or whatever the hell we’re gonna call Troi’s initial accent. That’s the only thing I can think to call it. I don’t think she WAS trying to do an American accent, but she sounds like a British person trying to sound American. Maybe her father was British but wished he was American
Martha: I’m sure I read the actress has some Greek parentage…
Cindee: Yeah her accent is just British though, I know because eventually the actress gets lazy and reverts back to her British accent
Martha: Here is Picard’s musings on arranged marriage
‘… it seems to me that she has become trapped by a custom of her home world which the facts of the twenty-fourth century have made unwise and unworkable. I wish I could intervene.’
Cindee: Oh Picard. Cultural relativity is not really their thing early on, is it
Martha: Hahaha well maybe they felt that they’d covered racism and sexism, so now it was religion’s turn!
Cindee: I never got the sense that it was a religious thing
Martha: I guess thats just what I associate with arranged marriage
Cindee: Riker talks about ‘habits of the beasts’ which I don’t want to know about and appears to have used the holodeck purely to create a rock to lean on. My google image searches have made me very aware of the Riker lean and he really gets into the Riker lean this episode. There’s at least 3 ponderous exaggerated leans.
Cindee: You mean his thinking face?
Martha: Well it’s not just the face. It’s his whole body
Cindee: Lol ok
Martha: So Troi flounces out, punches a gong, and goes out to have a chat with leaning Riker. In that time, they stop fighting in the hall, come to a detailed compromise about the wedding traditions, AND Wyatt even says he’s saw his dad practising NAKED in the mirror. Just how long was she gone?!
Cindee: You don’t practice being naked? I mean, it takes practice
Martha: Honestly I think I need practice haha. ALSO Why does Lwaxana have a sentient fake plant. And why doesn’t her best friend know about them if they’re a betazoid ‘pet’
Targ > plastic plant
Cindee: What does the word “sentient” mean to you
Martha: Alive…
Cindee: Well, that’s silly, plants are alive
Martha: The dictionary says ability to feel or perceive. Are you saying plants don’t have feelings…
Cindee: Yes
Martha: And she like, makes it tickle her. It’s like a snake
Cindee: So then it’s not a plant…
Martha: Okay. Why does Lwaxana have a fake plastic plant that the Star Trek producers are telling me is an animal
Cindee: Lmao, to bother the other lady obvs!
Martha: Clearly haha. Picard is getting so much better. I enjoyed him weakly taking the bag away. I enjoyed him telling Data he was circling the room like a buzzard. I LAUGHED at ‘I was not amused’ at Lwaxanas ‘joke’!
Cindee: Picard can be a funny dude
Martha: He had some top class banter today.
Cindee: ok, so, what are your thoughts on the idea that these two lovebirds have been dreaming of each other all their lives?
Martha: Erm, stupid.
Cindee: Exactly.
Martha: Like firstly, if I walk into someone’s house/disco ship, and there are drawings of me AS A CHILD all over the wall, I take my two items of medical paraphernalia. And I leave.
Cindee: well, he was drawing her all the time, too, so . . . . also, as established, he couldn’t leave once there
Martha: Drawings which he subtly put out to show his ‘fiancée’ HERE IS MY DREAM WOMAN WHO ISNT YOOOOOOOU
Cindee: Well he thought it was going to be her, so maybe he was like “I’ll creep her out by showing her a picture I drew of her”
Martha: not when he displayed them in his room Cindee! He knew it wasn’t her! He’d already met her!
Cindee: Oh, ok. well, I like to draw men I wish my husband was and put them around the house, too. Don’t we all?
Martha: As children, I hope… anyway, I don’t think he took nearly enough medica stuff to hell
Cindee: There’s only like 5 of them or whatever
Martha: Maybe I got confused but where did Crusher think he was going. Why did he need to knock out the transporter operator? Where did they think he was going?!
Cindee: Wasn’t he supposed to just beam the supplies, not himself?
Martha: Oh that would make sense
Cindee: Why Crusher would have him do it when she has plenty of minions, no one knows.
Martha: Lwaxana takes this weirdly well. As does everyone?! They even let Deana keep the jewels!
Cindee: I always figured everyone was secretly relieved. Ok, so a couple more random thoughts. How weird is it that they all figured out where Troi’s ship would be and agreed to all show up there at the same time, unannounced. I guess the creepy box did announce it, but barely before their arrival
Martha: Also Troi is clearly upset and Picard is all ‘congrats! Let’s all go to the wedding!’
Cindee: Well he’s not an empath. I mean he can’t just sense people’s feelings like Troi!
Martha: He has ZERO empathy if that’s what you mean
Cindee: Also, wtf is “genetic bonding”
Martha: I guess I assumed a fancy word for sex
Cindee: no, they were genetically bonded from childhood.
Martha: Oh weird, no idea then. Fancy alien marriage thing…
Cindee: Also, why is it a foregone conclusion that she’ll leave the ship
Martha: Also, Lwaxana is super into her status as a betazoid. Why would she marry a human? Why would she let her daughter marry a human?
Cindee: She chastises Troi for talking out loud, how the fuck does she think she’ll communicate with her new husband?
Martha: Hahaha well if she just CONCENTRATED she could sense his thoughts, like she can with sexxxxxy Riker!
Cinden: Theyre imzadi, Martha. Also I think they had to think their thoughts at each other to hear them
Martha: I don’t get their relationship. They’ve barely said a word to each other and now he’s all sulky
Cindee: They had one before, before the show
Martha: And he left her. To be a ship captain? Are there Star fleet rules about relationships and ship captaincy? I mean they apparently have a ‘no fighting at parties’ rule
Cindee: You know it’s never 100% explained, but yeah the idea is that he put his career first, but captains can get married. OK, spoilers, but I think Riker and Troi met on Betazed and then he got reassigned or something and she couldn’t go with him or whatever.
Martha: But now they’re together ALL THE TIME
Cindee: Have you never watched a TV show or something? They’ve gotta will they or won’t they. That’s how romance works on TV
Martha: Do they even still talk to each other outside of work?
Cindee: Sure
Martha: You don’t know that!
Cindee: Yes I do, I’ve seen them do it
Martha: I want to see some downtime bridge crew.
Cindee: well you’ll like later seasons then
Martha: Do they have a B team so they can have a rest
Cindee: Yes, there’s three shifts
Martha: But we only care about Picard’s shift
Cindee: Obvs
Martha: Oh no Worf this episode! It doesn’t make sense for him not to be at the wedding! Maybe Klingons can’t go to weddings
Cindee: I’ve seen Worf go to weddings
Martha: He just hates Troi?
Cindee: Maybe he hates nudity
Martha: I’m with Worf!
Cindee: Yeah me too, people should keep their fucking clothes on.
Cindee: So, Q is back
Martha: As a three headed snake bubble. Which is just great!
Cindee: Well, Q can appear as anything.
Martha: As we are made painfully aware of throughout.
Cindee: Wait, did you LIKE this episode?
Martha: No I don’t.
Cindee: Whew, Q episodes, unlike Ferengi episodes, do actually get better… mostly
Martha: So, Q has taken a bit of a shine to Riker, (Let’s face it, who hasn’t), and is going to test him as some sort of elaborate plan not unlike the confusing elaborate plan of the pilot.
Cindee: That about sums it up
Martha: Spoilers – I assumed by the end that Q had upset the rest of the Q’s and was going to be, put in Q jail… I find the Q actor a little creepy.
Cindee: In what way?
Martha: I dunno, wide eyes and creepy smile when he’s in his various disguises.
Cindee: That’s quite the bizarre detail to nitpick at
Martha: I will nitpick at anything I can, and you can’t stop me!
Cindee: I wasn’t trying to stop you, I was nitpicking your nitpicking
Martha: So off they go to game island, I was actually looking forward to what they had planned for the game, Q was described multiple times as ‘creative’ so I was genuinely interested. Turns out the ‘game’ is dressed up ‘animal things’ trying to kill them. Not a game. Not a game AT ALL!
Cindee: What did you expect, Wizard Chess?
Martha: I’d have accepted anything that remotely resembled a game. Not Worf running at the ‘animal things’ (they call them animal things about 4 times) them using their fazers to blow up rocks and animal things.
Cindee: Well, to be fair, there was penalty box
Martha: THERE WAS NO RULES about the penalty box.
Cindee: Sure there was: one person at a time
Martha: The penalty box lasted 5 minutes. He said ‘penalty over’ yet Yar did not return? No one else went to the penalty box because there was no parameters set for penalty box admission! But, crying IS allowed in the penalty box.
Cindee: Hahah! So, you expected a character we already know to be fairly erratic and arbitrary not to be?
Martha: I wanted there to be some STORY to the episode. Not just ‘oh you guys are gonna get attacked in this game, then I’ll tell Riker I’ve gave him a power, and then he can save you guys because I’ve told him to, and then, more stuff’
Cindee: I don’t know where these expectations came from! What show have you been watching?
Martha: LMAO. I know, what’s wrong with me!? So, Ive accidentally spoiled myself when looking for a FB photo for the blog as I noticed all the cast photos have everyone BUT Yar, so I imagine she’s not long for this world…
Cindee: Maybe she’s just invisible
Martha: But today in ‘who does Yar fancy this episode?’ the answer is *drumroll* PICARD!!!!
Cindee: What makes you think she is into Picard?
Martha: When she’s in the penalty box, she makes it very clear.
Cindee: If you say so . . .
Martha: Okay you’re making me find it!
Cindee: *taps fingers, impatiently*
Martha: PICARD: Don’t worry. There’s a new ship’s standing order on the Bridge. When one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.
TASHA: Captain. Oh, if you weren’t a captain.
Q: Consorting with lower rank females, Captain? Especially ones in penalty boxes? Destructive to discipline, they say. But then again, you’re what? You’re only human? Penalty over.
Martha: And she makes googly eyes when she says it.
Cindee: Maybe it was non-romantic love
Martha: IN STAR TREK?? NO. Sexy parties, sexy planets, sexy Data. EVERYTHING IS SEXY
Cindee: Ok so anyways…
Martha: So Worf throws himself at the animal things, isn’t very successful at being a warrior. He then jumps at an exploded rock shouting drop your weapons at Riker, again, not a very succesful warrior.
Cindee: Well he’s young. You forgot about Picard spouting Shakespeare!
Martha: Meanwhile Q is on the Enterprise whilst the directors make the most out of the fact that Patrick Stewart did a lot of Shakespeare by making him reads loads of Shakespeare
Martha: I DID NOT!
Cindee: JINX
Martha: Definitely get that free Shakespeare in
Cindee: Yeah, they don’t stop doing that, by the by.
Martha: I’m into it. It’s fine. So, Riker gets Q powers, does some sexy laughing. Saves everyone, has a little chat with Q where Q seems to imply humans will evolve past Q and therefore they want a human to, help them grow?
Cindee: What was sexy about his laughing?
Martha: It’s Riker…. Everything he does is sexy, INCLUDING his sexy ignoring of Picard, his sexy calling him Jean Luc…
Cindee: I see
Martha: So I think the main amazingness of this episode is Riker granting everyone’s wishes.
Cindee: Sure, like a genie
Martha: La Forge’s is fairly standard, sight, and obviously he fancies the pants of Yar. Wesley apparently wanted to be 40 years old and still wearing the same jumper. Poor Wesley, he got killed AND rebuffed from the bridge in the same episode.
Cindee: Ok, I’m not an expert on going from being blind to not being blind, but I don’t think that it would be that simple. How would you know what anything you were looking at was?
Martha: Well, I suppose he has had some vision with all his different visor settings, so this is just a new ‘setting’
Cindee: I guess. Anyways, yes, Riker think Wesley wants to be old, and wear the same shirt.
Martha: Bless Wesley. Everyone’s immediate response to seeing him, even his own mother, is ‘Wesley we’re busy’ ‘Wesley this doesnt concern you’ So, Worf’s greatest wish OBVIOUSLY is a woman he can bang without destroying! However, sex appears to be, fighting??
Cindee: Ok, so there’s a couple things there: first, it is actually fairly well established later on that Worf is not a fan of casual sex
Martha: So, Riker was totally off base thinking he wanted a lady Klingon?
Cindee: Seems that way to me, as for the violence part, yes it is implied that Klingon sex is violent on many occasions.
Martha: In season 3 do they just start again and ignore the first two seasons ‘implications.’
Cindee: Not ENTIRELY…
Martha: Riker also states that Worf has ‘no connection to his people’ WHAT ABOUT THE TARG EH
Cindee: Ok, so yeah, Riker is assuming a lot of shit about Worf
Martha: Also, why dont they speak Klingon when she shows up, instead of just, growling?
Cindee: Like, why does he need a connection to “his people”? Why are “his people” even Klingons? He was raised by humans
Martha: Well he has said a few times that he’s a Klingon, like when he wanted to stay with Picard he said he cannot leave his captain as a Klingon, and Picard is all ‘YOU ARE A STAR FLEET OFFICER!!’ Plus Sash!
Cindee: Yes, I agree that Worf is all into being Klingon. I am just arguing that overall that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me
Martha: Does he speak Klingon? That would maybe explain the growling…
Cindee: He does speak Klingon. Who taught him? I dunno. You’re culturally British cause you were raised there. If you were raised here, you’d be culturally American. You wouldn’t be calling shirts jumpers.
Martha: But I would definitely have a traditionally British pet, like a Shetland pony
Cindee: Well obviously. That’s genetic
Martha: And I’d wear a traditional British garment at all times. Like, one of those bearskin hats. AND WHEN I HAD SEX WITH AMERICAN MEN I WOULD DESTROY THEM
Cindee: See, that’s what I’m saying, it makes no sense.
Martha: When was his background established? Because it’s all over the place right now.
Cindee: I feel like the implication is that in general, your genes or whatever have a much bigger impact on your environment, which I’m not on board with. Worf’s background, you learn bits a pieces here and there. He was raised by humans from a very young age. Eventually you’ll meet his parents. They’re walking stereotypes. There’s other details, but SPOILERS. So, that was all the wishes yeah? He wants to make Pinocchio a real boy but Data says no before he does it, yeah? Or actually, they’re not really wishes, they’re Riker’s assumptions of wishes
Martha: Data refuses the real boy yes haha. We don’t get to find out Yar’s wishes because they’re unsuitable for broadcast. Or Picards. Or Dr Crushers… but again, filth
Cindee: We haven’t found out what anyone wishes, just what Riker thinks they wish, and since Riker is very dumb . . .
Martha: That’s true. So yeah Picard calls out Q as a ‘flim flam man’ Riker apologises to Picard for being an idiot and he feels very silly, Picard replies ‘quite right so you should!’
Cindee: Well, Riker is an idiot. I mean, you’ve seen his thinking face
Martha: Hahahah! I like Riker. I don’t want him to get a beard.
Cindee: I dislike Riker.
Martha: Oh also Riker gets on a chair just fine so clearly that hasn’t started yet. INCONSISTENT
Cindee: Haha, ok, so, Riker’s an idiot, end of episode.
Martha: Have you decided to give a shit about our blog yet
Cindee: FFS woman, isn’t it late there?
Martha: It’s Saturday! And is it ever to late to talk about THIS NONSENSE
Cindee: Lol so… Justice
Martha: Okay firstly I haven’t managed to fully establish timelines from the star date log entries. I’m going to assume this is a while after the last episode?
Cindee: I have never once in my life thought to care about star dates.
Martha: I only care because to me, the loss of Singh weighs heavy on my heart. But no one else cares!
Cindee: Fair
Martha: So, my first and main issue comes fairly swiftly. They discuss what an ‘unusually lovely’ planet the find where everyone makes love at the drop of a hat ANY HAT! Smirks Yar the filthy bint. And what does Picard do immediately?!
Cindee: sends everyone down there to have sex?
Martha: ‘Wesley. Go see if that’s a nice place for young people to relax’
Cindee: Oh lol I forgot about that!
Martha: I’m going to suggest it’s a highly inappropriate place for young people Picard
Cindee: Well, to be fair, he doesn’t really understand children
Martha: And Riker is too busy thinking about his penis to intervene to stop you looking silly. (Riker you’re fired)
Cindee: I feel I should also point out it is a gross violation of the prime directive to have visited that planet at all
Martha: Oh Cindee you sweet summer child. The prime directive isn’t important until LATER! For now it’s sexy party episode 2: the entire planet
Cindee: Hence the irony
Martha: Now I’m not sure if it’s implied that Riker and Yar have already got their rocks off on their initial visit. I feel it’s heavily hinted at…
Cindee: you think so?
Martha: Are you being sarcastic? Am I being naive?
Cindee: No actually. I can’t tell… It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen it.
Martha: Well they’re both a little giggly. And they were the two in the initial party and they’re VERY happily received when they return…Troi gets some points back with her fantastic ‘shoulder pat’ when the guy nuzzles into her neck when she first meets him. Oh also Riker when they go down and they’re all about in their amazing outfits he goes. “They certainly are….. FIT” AND THEN THEY ALL RUN ABOUT
Cindee: Ok, so, yes, the episode is the super creepy sex episode. Established fact
Martha: Which bit in particular is creepy in Star Trek lore? Is it Wesley thinking he has to have sex?
Cindee: Lol you think he thinks he HAS to?
Martha: Is it Worf telling us he would DESTROY A HUMAN WOMAN and must restrain himself?
Cindee: He implies that several times throughout the franchise…
Martha: Oh so Wes, there’s an awkward moment when the girl is all ‘I want you to show me a game’ and poor Wesley is all ‘oh there are some games I don’t yet know about’ Then they all go for a lovely game of run and catch…
Cindee: Yeah that’s super super weird
Martha: I mean if Wesley had known he’d have chosen a better jumper as this jumper was terrible.
Cindee: hahaha, I’m not actually sure how old Wesley is supposed to be? 16?
Martha: How old do you have to be to go to Star Fleet academy? I realise he’s not there yet… or is he? Surely if he was the correct age he’d be there already. He has the smarts and connections.
Cindee: I dunno? 18? Like college? Point is, I have nothing against teenagers having sex, but I think it is creepy for an adult show to be making a thing of it.
Martha: Exactly! Even when he meets the lady she’s all ‘I don’t know your customs with young ones and love!’
Cindee: Okay s according to Memory Alpha he’s 15, so super creepy.
Martha: Definitely! Anyway, dialogue was generally a little hammy this episode, more than normal. Dr Crusher randomly interrupts people for seemingly no reason, she simply HAS to ask if everyone can go down to sexy planet.
Cindee: Right well, Picard wouldn’t have sex with her in the sexy party episode. Ok, so creepy sex show, but there’s also other things. Most of the episode isn’t about sex at all!
Martha: Oh so poor Worf, even tho he’s a creepy sexy destroyer. He got totally shot down this episode. He’s all ‘I reported that error’ And everyone’s all ‘ooooh what’s this error. What’s this?! Oooooh’
Martha: Oh I have more sex stuff. So when they first meet they’re basically dying to find a way to palm Wesley off on someone else so they can all go have creepy totally fine by the prime directive sexy time. Yar is anyone’s. She has fancied tonnes of people so far
Cindee: Sure, but same with Riker. It is also interesting we see absolutely no old people on this planet. It’s good Picard doesn’t go cause, since there’s no old people, that’d also be creepy
Martha: True. But he’s sexy Riker. Why didn’t Data get to go down. Surely as the sex robot he is he should have gone down. Though he’s busy having static alien balloons stuck to his head
Cindee: That does tend to occupy one’s time
Martha: Speaking of Picard, how old is he?
Cindee: well he was born in 2305, and it is now 2364, so 59.
Martha: He looks younger
Cindee: Well maybe he runs everywhere, too
Martha: Omg the running, ok, so Wesley runs off to play catch, and shows off his cartwheeling
Cindee: Meanwhile, Yar finds out that the peace and love people like capital punishment for ALL CRIMES!
Martha: And we see a suspicious white wall…. AND WHAT DOES A WHITE WALL MEAN
Cindee: I dunno, what does it mean?
Martha: That’s a forbidden area! Were told about it as Wesley hurtles over it
Cindee: oh right, cause you might disturb the flowers, Martha! I mean, you want flowers to grow, don’t you?
Martha: And the incredibly stiff mediators come over, running, naturally, to protect the flowers. Because Wesley is in a ‘punishment zone!’
Cindee: I mean, we have to discuss this capital punishment thing a minute more here.
Martha: What discussion is there to be had Cindee? Earth has decided that it’s bad therefore our rules are the best
Cindee: The show implies that Capital Punishment is totally effective! Hahahah if you want to live in a sexy world
Martha: And…I do. I truly do. Everyone is so fit. They all have sexy outfits. They run everywhere. There’s no crime… the plants are FINE
Cindee: But the show acts all liberal and then endorses a super conservative idea!
Martha: I mean it tries to turn tables on that by having them about to poison Wes for crimes against saplings But really that just enforced the idea that ‘it’s a bad idea for silly crimes’
Cindee: Yeah I know the show is overall anti-capital punishment, but I think they didn’t think it through very well, because its heavily implied that capital punishment is totally effective, when it so isn’t
Martha: Okay well Picard suddenly gets VERY bothered about the prime directive once he realises Wesley is in trouble.
Cindee: Even though he was totally cool with super duper breaking it just a few minutes ago. They get a little better at being more consistent with the prime directive over time…
Martha: Exactly. Like the sex is fine, them beaming down is fine, them beaming one of them UP is fine, but removing Wesley through beaming is NOT fine?
Cindee: Hahaha, well even if it was, god won’t allow it!
Martha: Well exactly, God didn’t allow it until a frankly crap speech
Cindee: You know there have been other episodes where they have said that they have to follow the laws of wherever they are, but they haven’t framed it as the prime directive in those.
Martha: And then the God was all ‘okay fine, I’ll sacrifice years of work with my children, I’ll leave them feeling quite upset and possibly go back to their previous violent lives, all cos this bald dude wants his kid back’ It didn’t make sense. He said something along the lines of ‘there is no justice if laws are absolute’ Well, why?
Cindee: I also wonder why god let them beam down in the first place. God has the power to stop beaming.
Martha: How many people on that planet have had people killed for breaking such rules in the past? But now God says ‘for him, for lovely Wesley Crusher, it’s fine’
Cindee: I thought it was implied that basically no one ever breaks rules, cause capital punishment is so fucking effective.
Martha: Anymore! But they had a transition period which made them ‘sad’ Though it’s not stated how long ago…
Cindee: Warning: this is definitely not the last time aliens worship other aliens as gods
Martha: Also in another example of Picard has no empathy, Wesley’s been imprisoned, Picard comes back with a sexy lady, and Dr Crusher is all ‘what’s happening with my son?’ and Picard doesn’t explain or give her any info AT ALL. He just leaves her hanging. Whilst he shows the alien the God ship. TAKE THAT PRIME DIRECTIVE!
Cindee: Well he didn’t want her to worry her pretty little head! Why DOES he show her the God ship anyways?
Martha: Cos HE wants to know what it is, Because it’s physical yet not, and there yet not etc
Cindee: Oh well, good reason…
Martha: It’s a purely selfish ‘what’s this eh?’ and she is really distressed by it, and the god nearly attacks them for messing with their children!
Cindee: Doesn’t she go up to the ship as a hostage anyways?
Martha: No. She does say that Basically Wesley is in prison. Picard’s like ‘he’s safe until sundown okay’ right so can someone come up with me? And she’s all I’ll go as a hostage to secure Wesley’s life. And Picard’s all ‘no I didn’t mean like that!’ I just want you to look at this god ship thing!!
Cindee: Lmao
Martha: So they go to the observation cupboard and she has a look.
Cindee: It is a really shitty god though, don’t you think? It could have intervened way earlier… and attack Data with bubbles
Martha: Well. It doesn’t do much You’re right in that it could stop them beaming. However it prefers to hide until they say ‘oi, thing off our starboard bow, what are you?!’ And then it’s all ‘heyyyyyyyyyyyy’
‘You’re not leaving any humans here are you like that other planet?’
And Picard’s like ‘nah not on this one, we just left some people on another one. That’s our mission!’ And then he kinda gets cross that this alien ship beat them to it
Cindee: Another reason the god is shitty in my opinion is that the people are terrified of it. What kind of a shitty god wants to scare the fuck out its worshippers. Random thought: so, they dropped some colonists off at a nearby planet, but didn’t know about this planet… implying that no one surveyed the area before deciding to colonize the other planet? That hardly seems like a good way of doing things
Martha: They seem fairly haphazard with what they do! And that’s an understatement
Cindee: Yeah, anywho, creepy sex planet, shitty god, prime directive bs
Martha: They still haven’t properly explained the prime directive to the audience. Probably because they don’t know what it is themselves…
Cindee: Maybe they assume it is known from TOS? Though it is inconsistent in that, too. There’s an episode in season 3 where they explain it a bit more in detail
Martha: Do they abide by it better afterwards
Cindee: They get pretty consistent with the part where you don’t mess with pre-warp cultures, they are still somewhat inconsistent beyond that.
Martha: Why is warp the benchmark?
Cindee: It is later implied that the Vulcans taught them not to bug pre warp people. MUCH later. Ok, but really good news, you’re almost a third of the way through the shitty first season! and then just make it through season 2 . . .
which is shorter cause of a writer’s strike!
Martha: Hooray!
Martha: Ze end of ze universe! She had a French accent!
Cindee: Alright alright
Martha: Sorry “French” Okay so I’ll go out on a limb and say this was the best episode so far?
Cindee: I hadn’t thought about it that way, I suppose it is.
Martha: However, it’s certainly not without things to discuss! First of all, in Naked Now the chief engineer was a woman. Now it’s a guy? Where has she gone?! It’s not even the deputy from Naked Now.
Cindee: In season 1, they change chief engineers like every 5 minutes. It’s kinda weird there isn’t a chief engineer among the main cast.
Martha: On a side note Wesley’s jumpers are a genuine delight. I hope there’s someone making them out there because I want them all.
Cindee: There is a particular one that ThinkGeek.com has made several items to look like
Martha: Fantastic, I would wear them all.
Cindee: Noted
Martha: So Wesley, or ‘the boy’ as he is mostly referred to. They seem to be setting him up as some child genius
Cindee: Really, what tipped you off?
Martha: Hah! He also gets the brunt of the random Picard angry outbursts this episode
“move!” “Don’t interrupt me!” “What is the boy doing here?!”
Cindee: What indeed…
Martha: Being the only character to actually know what’s going on, that’s what!
Cindee: Yeah that’ll get old fast though.
Martha: It makes me question the Star Fleet training!
Cindee: Like, it is meaningless or something? Cause this stupid boy can do all the things?
Martha: Well he’s the only one! So it’s both unnecessary and not fit for purpose
Cindee: Really he’s only an engineering genius, at the academy they have other topics.
Martha: Yet again Star fleet isn’t really following its own laws and is quite happy to kill an unknown alien to help themselves Which they have no knowledge of its physiology but can revive it at will whenever needed
Cindee: See, it’s Dr. Crusher who is the genius!
Martha:That’s where Wesley gets it from!
Cindee: I don’t remember them killing anyone this episode.
Martha: The time travel being, who says space and time and distance don’t exist, hey didn’t kill him. He was dying anyway or whatever, I get that
BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT. They’re warned repeatedly that he won’t last.
Cindee: You think he’s dead?
Martha: No I think he’s fazed off somewhere else.
Cindee: Well that’s not the same as dead at all
Martha: My point is they don’t know this. They even say ‘better get what you need fast’ when she revived him again. Yes they didn’t kill him but they were prepared to.
Cindee: hmmmm I don’t know about that
Martha: Don’t make me get the script, I WILL!
Cindee: hahahaha. I feel like the traveler is going to be just fineMartha: Oh I loved Worfs pet!
Cindee: So, you’re a targ fan. OK. Seems like a targ is about us un-cat-like as can be
Martha: Obviously
I like the idea that Worf walks around thinking about him
And Picard thinks about the ship not existing
And that other guy thinks about fire.
Cindee: I find the idea that Worf had a targ difficult to accept
Martha: Wasn’t he raised by humans…
Cindee: Exactly
Martha: Wikipedia, I have glanced at it
Cindee: Wait you can’t do that!
Martha: I wanted to see where he came from before you told me all Klingons are cool now. Forgive me
Cindee: WELL. Maybe you should make your blog with Wikipedia then!
Martha: That would probably be much more helpful. I’m glad you agree.
Cindee: I’m plenty helpful
Martha: Wikipedia agrees that Picard was willing to sacrifice the traveller…
Cindee: No it doesn’t.Marha: It can do in a minute…
Martha: Okay I enjoyed the terrible jokes
‘Shall we call Dr Crusher?’
‘Why? IS SOMEONE ILL?!?’
Chortle
Cindee: I can’t remember, did anyone die in this episode? Like, actually die, not fade away
Martha: Just Picard’s compassion…
Cindee: hahahaha ok, No one died. Well that’s unusual
Martha: I feel on the whole this was a good non problematic episode. However
There was a man in a miniskirt, and whilst I’d love to think ‘wow, ahead of the times here Star Trek!’ I feel that’s not the case…
Cindee: Well, I think they wanted to think that they were
Martha: By having men in miniskirts as well as ladies?
Cindee: Yes. Supposedly they were planning on making Geordi gay but then chickened out on that
Martha: Is men in skirts a thing in TOS?
Cindee: No, but being inconsistently ahead of the times sure was. ALL the women had short skirts.
Martha: In TNG are they defending TOS by saying ‘oh I’m sure some offscreen guys had skirts too!’
Cindee: oh you mean like retroactively?
Martha: Yeah I guess I’m assuming it happened as a reaction
Cindee: I think that they were trying to be forward thinking, I don’t know that they were retconning TOS though.
Martha: Well I’ve already brought up Troi’s pilot outfit, so I assume other people noticed all women in TOS has little skirts
Cindee: Right but sexism
Martha: Okay. Let me go out on a limb and say that Picard, Riker, Data, Worf, La Forge, never rock the mini…
Cindee: Well, spoilers, but correct
Martha: Hahaha so, forward thinking but only background characters
Cindee: Correct
Martha: Interesting about La Forge
Cindee: Yeah too bad they didn’t go through with it WIMPS
Martha: I’d have though the obvious 80s choice would be to have Yar be gay.
Female, short hair, good at fighting, must be gay!
Cindee: WELL aren’t we heteronormative!
Martha: 80’s Star Trek is the most heteronormative of all the Heteronorms that have ever normed this planet!
But yeah, I guess I don’t have much to say on this one! All in all a half decent sci fi episode?
Cindee: I guess . . . I’ve seen better
Martha: Well I haven’t YOUVE SEEN WHAT IVE SEEN And it has not been good! Of the 6 I’ve seen this is the best. Like we have space/time/distance not existing being introduced. Some interaction with other vessel staff, even though he’s a douche.
Cindee: Hmmm. Yeah I think it’s okay Let me check my ranking list…
it is ranked 127
Martha: Do you have a ranking for it out of season 1 alone? Or season 1/2 alone?
Cindee: Ranked by season? What kind of a freak would do that…
Martha: FERENGIS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING. I HOPE THEY ARE NEVER IN ANOTHER EPISODE. But I know they will be. URGH!
Cindee: Did you watch the whole thing yet?
Martha: Yes!
Cindee: So, yes the Ferengi are in lots more episodes, but they change a lot
Martha: They best do. They literally jumped around doing jazz hands for the last five minutes
Cindee: They were supposed to be the “big” enemy for TNG, but that didn’t work out cause they’re silly. Really, the only consistent thing from this episode to the rest is that they like valuables and they’re sexist and don’t let women wear clothes. In the future, instead of being menacing, they basically just become Republicans
Martha: Oh god. Third/fourth episode now where someone is shocked there’s a woman in the party.
Cindee: Like I said, aliens in Star Trek are sexist, and humans act like we are not. Kinda like how in the U.S. people complain about sexism elsewhere and act like it’s not a thing here.
Martha: So, Worf’s sash, what is this? No one else has one.
Cindee: It’s him being Klingon-y. It has his family crest or whatever on it I think.
Martha: I see! Data continues to be delightful, I enjoyed the Chinese finger traps as bizarre as the inclusion was
Cindee: Really? I thought that was pretty stupid
Martha: It was stupid in that it made no sense in the context, they’re paralysed by an unknown entity, their life support is going to fail but LOL Data’s fingers are stuck. But in isolation I enjoyed it.
Cindee: Well in the grand tradition of our friendship, we are on opposite ends here. I dislike Data.
Martha: Well I’m only 4 episodes in and currently he’s a good foil to Picard who is too aggressive and serious currently.
Cindee: Touche. I just find some things about Data make no sense. Like him not knowing any idioms. I mean there are idiom books now, so there must be some in the future right? Unless they were all lost in WWIII?
Martha: I guess he needs a ‘thing’ if he’s perfect AI then, other than being a walking plot device (aka encyclopaedia) what purpose does he have (except sex robot…)
Cindee: I get him not getting human behavior . . but idioms?
Martha: I feel the prime directive was thrown out of the window this episode, despite it being a constant theme of it with Riker using it to show the humans worthiness to the Guardian of the (something) empire.
Cindee: The prime directive is WILDLY inconsistently applied in general.
Martha: So, my issue here, as soon as they find out that they are not in fact outgunned by the Ferengi, they immediately manipulate them and lie to them. (Which makes Picard’s little speech about trust pretty hypocritical). He forces them to break their cultural desire not to give visual communications.
Cindee. Hahaha. That’s not a thing in future episodes.
Martha: I mean even if it is a lie, they don’t know that. They claim to know nothing about the Ferengi
Cindee: Touche
Martha: They were happy for Yar to fight to the death to respect a culture last episode! I just found it a bit strange that they lie and manipulate, only back down on the lie when the Ferengi find out they are lying, and then say ‘wooooah don’t you trust us?!’ And then have Riker bang on about the prime directive in the same episode.
Cindee: Well, supposedly the prime directive applies differently to warp-capable species and non-warp-capable species. I always wondered if the people in Code of Honor were warp capable. It’s not clear.
Martha: Is that to do with the ‘don’t expose them to tech’ idea (from the movie don’t shoot me…)
Cindee: One of those shitty new movies? Unlike SOME people I can handle new movies that I don’t like being created in a favorite franchise without FREAKING OUT
Martha: Oh are you Star Wars shaming me?! ARE YOU?
Cindee: I sure am.
Martha: I found the insertion of ‘earth history that’s not a thing really’ a bit confusing. Maybe I wasn’t listening. We had ‘Yankee traders’ who were like, space pirates with a bit more honour. An Uncle Sam reference and then a random Picard soliloquy on the colours of the French flag…
Cindee: What? I don’t remember ANY of that. So, what’s not a thing? Uncle Sam is a thing and France does have a flag that has colors
Martha: Hahahah! Okay so they described the Ferengis as Yankee traders, which they explain as a sort of space merchant sailor who roamed around space in history looking for stuff to trade (but dodgy trade). Riker calls them his forbearers. And then someone mentions red white and blue and Picard is all ‘ahhhh, but in France we have it the right way, blue, white, red…’
Cindee: In his British accent?
Martha: Yes, all dreamily to himself. And then Data starts listing other red white and blue flags and RUINS THE MOMENT
Cindee: Fun fact: in Star Trek, all French people have British accents
Martha: Well that’s bizarre.
Cindee: Maybe in the future, you all will conquer France
Martha: It’s on my to do list
Cindee: Apparently though, you’ll let them keep their flag
Martha: On the subject of accents, does the ship have ‘sense oars’ or does Picard just say sensors weirdly..
Cindee: So, that’s not how you say it?
Martha: Well obviously…
Cindee: You’re probably unaware of this, not being an expert like me, but some British people pronounce words differently than other British people
Marth: I agree, and whilst I am no expert, no British person says ‘sensOARS’ with so much emphasis on the second syllable. I’ve checked with them all. Lastly, I think the only thing I really have to add was them ‘going to have a conference evaluation. Which is basically ‘let’s have a chat in this cupboard’
Cindee: wait wut
Martha: and you call yourself a trekkie… Picard said ‘lets have a conference evaluation’ and all of the characters that had names went into this little side cupboard to discuss what to do!’
Cindee: I mean they have conferences all the time, but not in a cupboard
Martha: Okay it was a tiny room, off the bridge. And considering he took 90% of the people on the bridge it made no sense
Cindee: It wasn’t this room?
Martha: Yes. It just didn’t seem necessary, unless they didn’t want those pesky no name computer guys to hear
Cindee: Well that room is not a cupboard. It’s plenty big.
Martha: But is it necessary.
Cindee: You don’t like to sit down around a table to discuss things at work? You prefer to have all conversations haphazardly wherever you happen to be? I mean Yar doesn’t even have a chair. All the other chairs on the bridge are facing the same direction.
Martha: Okay I see your point. But they didn’t sit down, they just stood around in the not-a-cupboard.
Cindee: I see.
Martha: Troi was useless this episode.
Cindee: Well that’s nothing new. Was Troi able to read their minds? In later episodes they claim Betazoids can’t read Ferengis.
Martha: Well in this episode her sense were blocked entirely by something, either the Ferengis or the force field. I don’t want more Ferengis.
Cindee: Well, sucks to be you. Like I said, they do change. They become Republicans.
Martha: Less jazz hands, more paying off porn stars?
Cindee: They are republicans in the sense that they are obsessed with capitalism
Martha: Money and naked ladies – checks out