Martha: Have you decided to give a shit about our blog yet
Cindee: FFS woman, isn’t it late there?
Martha: It’s Saturday! And is it ever to late to talk about THIS NONSENSE
Cindee: Lol so… Justice
Martha: Okay firstly I haven’t managed to fully establish timelines from the star date log entries. I’m going to assume this is a while after the last episode?
Cindee: I have never once in my life thought to care about star dates.
Martha: I only care because to me, the loss of Singh weighs heavy on my heart. But no one else cares!
Martha: So, my first and main issue comes fairly swiftly. They discuss what an ‘unusually lovely’ planet the find where everyone makes love at the drop of a hat ANY HAT! Smirks Yar the filthy bint. And what does Picard do immediately?!
Cindee: sends everyone down there to have sex?
Martha: ‘Wesley. Go see if that’s a nice place for young people to relax’
Cindee: Oh lol I forgot about that!
Martha: I’m going to suggest it’s a highly inappropriate place for young people Picard
Cindee: Well, to be fair, he doesn’t really understand children
Martha: And Riker is too busy thinking about his penis to intervene to stop you looking silly. (Riker you’re fired)
Cindee: I feel I should also point out it is a gross violation of the prime directive to have visited that planet at all
Martha: Oh Cindee you sweet summer child. The prime directive isn’t important until LATER! For now it’s sexy party episode 2: the entire planet
Cindee: Hence the irony
Martha: Now I’m not sure if it’s implied that Riker and Yar have already got their rocks off on their initial visit. I feel it’s heavily hinted at…
Cindee: you think so?
Martha: Are you being sarcastic? Am I being naive?
Cindee: No actually. I can’t tell… It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen it.
Martha: Well they’re both a little giggly. And they were the two in the initial party and they’re VERY happily received when they return…Troi gets some points back with her fantastic ‘shoulder pat’ when the guy nuzzles into her neck when she first meets him. Oh also Riker when they go down and they’re all about in their amazing outfits he goes. “They certainly are….. FIT” AND THEN THEY ALL RUN ABOUT
Cindee: Ok, so, yes, the episode is the super creepy sex episode. Established fact
Martha: Which bit in particular is creepy in Star Trek lore? Is it Wesley thinking he has to have sex?
Cindee: Lol you think he thinks he HAS to?
Martha: Is it Worf telling us he would DESTROY A HUMAN WOMAN and must restrain himself?
Cindee: He implies that several times throughout the franchise…
Martha: Oh so Wes, there’s an awkward moment when the girl is all ‘I want you to show me a game’ and poor Wesley is all ‘oh there are some games I don’t yet know about’ Then they all go for a lovely game of run and catch…
Cindee: Yeah that’s super super weird
Martha: I mean if Wesley had known he’d have chosen a better jumper as this jumper was terrible.
Cindee: hahaha, I’m not actually sure how old Wesley is supposed to be? 16?
Martha: How old do you have to be to go to Star Fleet academy? I realise he’s not there yet… or is he? Surely if he was the correct age he’d be there already. He has the smarts and connections.
Cindee: I dunno? 18? Like college? Point is, I have nothing against teenagers having sex, but I think it is creepy for an adult show to be making a thing of it.
Martha: Exactly! Even when he meets the lady she’s all ‘I don’t know your customs with young ones and love!’
Cindee: Okay s according to Memory Alpha he’s 15, so super creepy.
Martha: Definitely! Anyway, dialogue was generally a little hammy this episode, more than normal. Dr Crusher randomly interrupts people for seemingly no reason, she simply HAS to ask if everyone can go down to sexy planet.
Cindee: Right well, Picard wouldn’t have sex with her in the sexy party episode. Ok, so creepy sex show, but there’s also other things. Most of the episode isn’t about sex at all!
Martha: Oh so poor Worf, even tho he’s a creepy sexy destroyer. He got totally shot down this episode. He’s all ‘I reported that error’ And everyone’s all ‘ooooh what’s this error. What’s this?! Oooooh’
Martha: Oh I have more sex stuff. So when they first meet they’re basically dying to find a way to palm Wesley off on someone else so they can all go have creepy totally fine by the prime directive sexy time. Yar is anyone’s. She has fancied tonnes of people so far
Cindee: Sure, but same with Riker. It is also interesting we see absolutely no old people on this planet. It’s good Picard doesn’t go cause, since there’s no old people, that’d also be creepy
Martha: True. But he’s sexy Riker. Why didn’t Data get to go down. Surely as the sex robot he is he should have gone down. Though he’s busy having static alien balloons stuck to his head
Cindee: That does tend to occupy one’s time
Martha: Speaking of Picard, how old is he?
Cindee: well he was born in 2305, and it is now 2364, so 59.
Martha: He looks younger
Cindee: Well maybe he runs everywhere, too
Martha: Omg the running, ok, so Wesley runs off to play catch, and shows off his cartwheeling
Cindee: Meanwhile, Yar finds out that the peace and love people like capital punishment for ALL CRIMES!
Martha: And we see a suspicious white wall…. AND WHAT DOES A WHITE WALL MEAN
Cindee: I dunno, what does it mean?
Martha: That’s a forbidden area! Were told about it as Wesley hurtles over it
Cindee: oh right, cause you might disturb the flowers, Martha! I mean, you want flowers to grow, don’t you?
Martha: And the incredibly stiff mediators come over, running, naturally, to protect the flowers. Because Wesley is in a ‘punishment zone!’
Cindee: I mean, we have to discuss this capital punishment thing a minute more here.
Martha: What discussion is there to be had Cindee? Earth has decided that it’s bad therefore our rules are the best
Cindee: The show implies that Capital Punishment is totally effective! Hahahah if you want to live in a sexy world
Martha: And…I do. I truly do. Everyone is so fit. They all have sexy outfits. They run everywhere. There’s no crime… the plants are FINE
Cindee: But the show acts all liberal and then endorses a super conservative idea!
Martha: I mean it tries to turn tables on that by having them about to poison Wes for crimes against saplings But really that just enforced the idea that ‘it’s a bad idea for silly crimes’
Cindee: Yeah I know the show is overall anti-capital punishment, but I think they didn’t think it through very well, because its heavily implied that capital punishment is totally effective, when it so isn’t
Martha: Okay well Picard suddenly gets VERY bothered about the prime directive once he realises Wesley is in trouble.
Cindee: Even though he was totally cool with super duper breaking it just a few minutes ago. They get a little better at being more consistent with the prime directive over time…
Martha: Exactly. Like the sex is fine, them beaming down is fine, them beaming one of them UP is fine, but removing Wesley through beaming is NOT fine?
Cindee: Hahaha, well even if it was, god won’t allow it!
Martha: Well exactly, God didn’t allow it until a frankly crap speech
Cindee: You know there have been other episodes where they have said that they have to follow the laws of wherever they are, but they haven’t framed it as the prime directive in those.
Martha: And then the God was all ‘okay fine, I’ll sacrifice years of work with my children, I’ll leave them feeling quite upset and possibly go back to their previous violent lives, all cos this bald dude wants his kid back’ It didn’t make sense. He said something along the lines of ‘there is no justice if laws are absolute’ Well, why?
Cindee: I also wonder why god let them beam down in the first place. God has the power to stop beaming.
Martha: How many people on that planet have had people killed for breaking such rules in the past? But now God says ‘for him, for lovely Wesley Crusher, it’s fine’
Cindee: I thought it was implied that basically no one ever breaks rules, cause capital punishment is so fucking effective.
Martha: Anymore! But they had a transition period which made them ‘sad’ Though it’s not stated how long ago…
Cindee: Warning: this is definitely not the last time aliens worship other aliens as gods
Martha: Also in another example of Picard has no empathy, Wesley’s been imprisoned, Picard comes back with a sexy lady, and Dr Crusher is all ‘what’s happening with my son?’ and Picard doesn’t explain or give her any info AT ALL. He just leaves her hanging. Whilst he shows the alien the God ship. TAKE THAT PRIME DIRECTIVE!
Cindee: Well he didn’t want her to worry her pretty little head! Why DOES he show her the God ship anyways?
Martha: Cos HE wants to know what it is, Because it’s physical yet not, and there yet not etc
Cindee: Oh well, good reason…
Martha: It’s a purely selfish ‘what’s this eh?’ and she is really distressed by it, and the god nearly attacks them for messing with their children!
Cindee: Doesn’t she go up to the ship as a hostage anyways?
Martha: No. She does say that Basically Wesley is in prison. Picard’s like ‘he’s safe until sundown okay’ right so can someone come up with me? And she’s all I’ll go as a hostage to secure Wesley’s life. And Picard’s all ‘no I didn’t mean like that!’ I just want you to look at this god ship thing!!
Martha: So they go to the observation cupboard and she has a look.
Cindee: It is a really shitty god though, don’t you think? It could have intervened way earlier… and attack Data with bubbles
Martha: Well. It doesn’t do much You’re right in that it could stop them beaming. However it prefers to hide until they say ‘oi, thing off our starboard bow, what are you?!’ And then it’s all ‘heyyyyyyyyyyyy’
‘You’re not leaving any humans here are you like that other planet?’
And Picard’s like ‘nah not on this one, we just left some people on another one. That’s our mission!’ And then he kinda gets cross that this alien ship beat them to it
Cindee: Another reason the god is shitty in my opinion is that the people are terrified of it. What kind of a shitty god wants to scare the fuck out its worshippers. Random thought: so, they dropped some colonists off at a nearby planet, but didn’t know about this planet… implying that no one surveyed the area before deciding to colonize the other planet? That hardly seems like a good way of doing things
Martha: They seem fairly haphazard with what they do! And that’s an understatement
Cindee: Yeah, anywho, creepy sex planet, shitty god, prime directive bs
Martha: They still haven’t properly explained the prime directive to the audience. Probably because they don’t know what it is themselves…
Cindee: Maybe they assume it is known from TOS? Though it is inconsistent in that, too. There’s an episode in season 3 where they explain it a bit more in detail
Martha: Do they abide by it better afterwards
Cindee: They get pretty consistent with the part where you don’t mess with pre-warp cultures, they are still somewhat inconsistent beyond that.
Martha: Why is warp the benchmark?
Cindee: It is later implied that the Vulcans taught them not to bug pre warp people. MUCH later. Ok, but really good news, you’re almost a third of the way through the shitty first season! and then just make it through season 2 . . .
which is shorter cause of a writer’s strike!