Just Say No (AKA Symbiosis)

Martha: Hi. We’ve been incredibly inconsistent with this prime directive stuff so here is an episode where we beat you about the head with it in order to further your understanding

Cindee: hahahahaha. I feel like their answer in this one actually made some sense though? It’s been a while admittedly…

Martha: Yeah, and there was some initial intrigue! I felt the plot was fairly obvious once it got going but it was interesting

Continue reading “Just Say No (AKA Symbiosis)”

Good Ship Lollipop (AKA Arsenal of Freedom)

Martha: OMG GET EXCITED

Cindee: ?

Martha: We have a new chief engineer!

Cindee: Oh lol, yeah.

Martha: I’m sure that’s our fourth hahaha. He didn’t die though! But I’m sure we’ll never see him again

MacDougal

Argyle

Logan

Singh (RIP) Assistant Chief Engineer but acted as chief because Argyle and friends couldn’t be bothered

Shimoda (Asst Chief, assumed sacked after this debacle…)

Cindee: Ok, so I take it you watched the Arsenal of Freedom.

Martha: I have indeed! Of all the ’21st century Earth was terrible’ i think sadly the ‘peace through superior firepower’ is the most accurate so far

Cindee: Hahaha, probably true

Martha: But unlike humans who sorted themselves out in time to fix it, because humans rock, this planet has wiped itself out.

Cindee: correct

Martha: Leaving only deadly weapons at every turn

Cindee: And a robot to sell them.

Martha: So Yar decides ‘definitely better get down to that’ What could possibly go wrong. Everything. Everything Yar.

Cindee: Hahaha. So, first things first. I just want to say, for the record: Deanna Troi’s rank is Lt. Commander. She outranks LaForge AND Logan

Martha: yes but… Cindee. SHES SUPER ANNOYING

Cindee: Logan seems pretty annoying, too

Martha ‘As the ship counsellor its my job to interrupt you and say ‘the new guys are nervous we are being SHOT AT BY AN INVISIBLE SUPER AWESOME SHOOTING THING’ no shit Troi. I wont hear a thing about chief engineer no4! He is absolutely the 4th best candidate for the job!

Cindee: Maybe, but she outranks him

Martha: Well Logan outranked LaForge right? 2 dots vs a dot and a half

Cindee: Yes

Martha: But, Picard said Geordi was the boss, soooooo. MAIN CAST CINDEE, why do we even care about anyone else?

Cindee: Troi is the main cast, she’s a Lt. Commander

Martha Okay LaForge is trained in command, military AND navigation and engineering

Cindee: Troi went to Starfleet academy

Martha: Troi is good at ‘ooooh I feel that maybe were gonna get shot at’

Cindee: I don’t know that I agree that LaForge is trained in military

Martha: He’s RED CINDEE, navigation and command and fighting…

Cindee: Navigation and command, fighting is yellow.

Martha: Haha Riker fights!

Cindee: But it isn’t his job, he just does it on the side

Martha: Honestly i feel the colours are very blurred, you said Geordi is a super good engineer too.

Cindee: yeah they get more clear next season

Martha: Geordi is multifaceted, whereas Troi doesn’t even have a colour

Cindee: Well she’s SUPPOSED to be wearing blue.

Martha: She gave up her right to be the boss of the ship when she didn’t wear her uniform and 2 and a half pips, plus clearly Picard likes La Forge, he’s left him in charge twice now. PLUS HE UNDERSTANDS HIM NOW. He’s seen through his eyes….

Cindee: lolololol ok, so Picard erroneously leaves LaForge in charge and beams down and falls in a hole with Crusher

Martha: Wooooah wait a minute. Riker meets a guy called Rice(r) and has some fantastic bants

Cindee: about the good ship lollipop

Martha: Like I dont know where ‘yo momma’ jokes started But I’d like to think it was with Riker… Rice is all ‘who sent you’ and Riker replies ‘YOUR MOMMA’

Cindee: I don’t think that those are related…

Martha: (I think he technically says your mother but Im calling it regardless) but yes, the good old Lollipop is indeed a good ship. That was some pretty snazzy alien tech to be fair. Shame they couldn’t actually buy some…

Cindee: Yeah so Yar keeps outsmarting them or whatever

Martha: She fires her fazer and it works ONCE. Data does most of the smartsing

Cindee: Meanwhile, Picard and Crusher fall in a hole

Martha: Why are you so obsessed with this hole! I’m just glad Picard didn’t ‘omg fall on top of the lady’

Cindee: Also, if those things are so fancy, why can’t they fucking aim,
they’re worse than storm troopers!

Martha: And they dont even have that genuine war syndrome thing to blame…

Cindee: Oh and the hole, I just think it is a stupid plot point to fall in a hole

Martha: Well of course it is, and Crusher somehow manages to fall UNDER some pretty heavy sand…

Cindee: I know, how did that occur exactly? I’m no physicist, but . . .

Martha: We’re supposed to think it fell with her from the walls or the top I guess

Cindee: Ok, fine

Martha: But Picard, being a manly man, was not so afflicted by this sand so we get treated to Picard’s bedside manner STAY AWAKE. THATS AN ORDER

Cindee: so Crusher is covered in sand and tells Picard how to do basic first aid, which one would think he’d know…

Martha: Erm no. Basic first aid has been cured. Nobody needs it anymore

Cindee: Meanwhile, she uses her knowledge of roots from ANOTHER PLANET to identify one on this one that could be useful

Martha: ALL YELLOW PLANTS ARE FINE

Cindee: And Picard tastes it and it’s yellow so naturally…

Martha: How dare you question her Grandmother’s knowledge. So we now know Crusher once lived on some planet where I guess everyone died… except Crusher and her grandma…

Cindee: They all did, they all have some horrible tragic past.

Martha: I’m still waiting on La Forge’s. And Riker’s. And Picard’s! I cant wait to learn of their emotional turmoil

Cindee: ha, well, I’d tell ya, but SPOILERS

Martha: oh, guess what happens when they fall down the hole… It’s a literal RIP to the lab cardigan

Cindee: Lab coat

Martha: I thought we agreed on lab cardigan

Cindee: You agreed on lab cardigan… its not like she can’t get another one

Martha: Im sure Troi has a massive fucking unused stash she can have ‘these are all brand new in the packet’

Cindee: What on earth are you talking about? She can just replicate a new one

Martha: They havent used the replicators yet! I dont think anyway…

Cindee: Huh? Interesting

Martha: If something like fizzles into view is that the replicator? cos the Klingons got themselves some food like that.

Cindee: Yes

Martha: Okay the Klingons replicated food then. They knew how it worked. Maybe Worf told them after the yelling…but I’m not aware of it being made a point of yet.

Cindee: Well, the odd thing is, different aliens all seem capable of using each others technology without instruction all the time

Martha: Well, I do not know the technology. I am but a primitive alien

Cindee: What you can and cannot replicate seems to change for the convenience of the plot

Martha: Well thats fair enough haha. Anyway, I think its a good job Geordi is left in charge because Geordi is the only person who remembers the ship separates.

Cindee: Well that’s true.

Martha: AND he knows that theres always time for a log!

Cindee: seriously, they almost never separate it and they almost always should! Well ya gotta have logs

Martha: Picard knows no one else will bother with a log whilst they’re being shot at by an invisible massively powerful alien and all their shields are down and most of the senior staff are stuck on a planet where they cant beam off being shot at by similar powerful things…

WELL would YOU separate if you got the reception La Forge got? I left you this ship in one piece! FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT! HOW ABOUT A WELL DONE PICARD??

Cindee: Wait, what?

Martha: How about a pat on the back? When he comes back Picard is all ‘when I left this ship was in one piece, sort it out’

Cindee: oh well he was joking!

Martha: and its his ‘hahaha’ way with Riker which has absolutely no humour to it half the time. He is rubbish at joking!

Cindee: Well he is still learning

Martha: he is getting there. if he wasn’t as aggressive the rest of the time I could take his jokes as jokes haha. Oh I forgot about Data rescuing them from the convenient hole. Oh, also, contrary to popular believe (very) white men CAN jump (down holes…)

Cindee: That’s the title of a movie, not a popular belief

Martha: I take all my beliefs from Woody Harrelson movies. Twinkies are gods gift to food, and, other stuff.

Cindee: you are now making pop culture references I do not understand

Martha In Zombieland he’s obsessed with finding a twinkie as they are the only food which can survive an apocalypse, or something…

Cindee: Also, can’t believe you didn’t complain about the lack of Wesley..

Martha: Hahah after ‘Coming of Age’ I’m due for a break….

I don’t mean it, grown ass man Wesley…

Klingon Yelling Episode (AKA Heart of Glory)

Cindee: So, some Klingons show up, and they’re not fans of the treaty

Martha: Can we go back a second, What is the neutral zone? And why can’t anyone go in it?

Cindee: Well it’s a bit weird, cause in TOS the neutral zone is an area of space between the Klingon Empire and Federation. In TNG its the same thing, but with the Romulans

Martha: I could understand no battle ships. But this was a freight ship?

Cindee: No one can go in the neutral zone. NO ONE

Martha: Okay

Cindee: I mean, in theory

Martha: So yes, they go aboard and find Klingons.I have many issues with this episode. Mostly with your friend Picard.

Cindee: Well he’s not my friend yet
Martha

Martha: Hahaha, So Geordie has a way to transmit his vision to the bridge.

Cindee: ooooh right, that was a thing in this episode, and then they never spoke of it again

Martha: and now Picard can FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM. Because you can’t understand someone unless you know how they see things visually.

Cindee: Correct, that’s why Tony doesn’t understand me, he has perfect vision, I wear glasses. Eventually, it’ll lead to divorce.

Martha: And what’s that red human shaped thing?!

Cindee: Riker

Martha: Oh… Riker.. Come on Picard!

Cindee: So yeah, pretty ableist

Martha: It just was weirdly worded They could have been like ‘oh so this is what you can see! The strength of the metal, the heat signals, cool!’
Not ‘now I know who he is… I had no idea before!’

Cindee: It’s like when they have kids use a wheelchair or blindfold themselves or whatever and then think they understand what it is like to be disabled.

Martha: Hahahahaha yeah basically

Cindee: No you don’t, you don’t know how to operate a damn wheelchair, so of course its superweird for you…

Martha: Yes it was very silly

Cindee: Yes, and then they never spoke of it again…

Martha: Well the signal got overloaded. Forever… OH, We have another fantastic ask of Data from Riker.

Cindee: which is?

Martha:
Riker: How do we get to the engine room?
Data: There are several paths to the engine room, all of which are equally dangerous
Riker: Well which is the least dangerous?!’

RIKER DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT EQUALLY MEANS!

Cindee: Lol, I have tried to explain to you that he’s not that bright

Martha: Hahaha he really isn’t!

Cindee: Did he have his thinking face?

Riker: No he was mad. He was mad because he was sick of Picard being all

‘Look at Data!’

‘Look at some fire!’

‘Look at Riker!!’

Treating poor Geordi like an eye puppet

Cindee: Wait, Riker is mad at ableism and so asked Data a stupid question later?

Martha: No he didn’t have a thinking face cos he was too annoyed for it…

Cindee: There is this one episode where for medical reasons, Riker is having trouble concentrating. aAnyways I am like HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT THAN NORMAL. Like theres like a whole minute of him just making lots of thinking faces and looking confused

Martha: That. Sounds.Amazing. Im sure it won’t be… Anyway, so we find some
Klingons, and beam them back. WITH SOME ADDED PERIL OF AN EXPLOSION. But somehow they beam fine

Cindee: Saved by the transporter, as always. Transporters are fucking magical,

Martha: Sooooo the Klingons are here, and just like Datalore we now distrust Worf!

Cindee: Lmao, yeah, it is funny cause they act like people will be loyal to their “kind” over their actual socialization

Martha: Like seriously. I hope some dodgy French people don’t come aboard cos now we won’t trust Picard!

Cindee: It’s really actually racist, if you think about it. it assumes people’s intentions, behavior, etc are like built into their genes or something.

Martha. It’s just very odd and it makes you think that they’re not really good friends and teammates!!

Cindee: But you know, humans are Americans, and it was only 70 years ago we were like “lets distrust these Japanese American citizens!!!”

Martha: Hurray for Joseph McCarthy!

Cindee: um, I don’t think that was McCarthy. McCarthy was the communist witch hunt guy

Martha: I thought it came about after his red scare stuff as well

Cindee: No, it was during WWII. Red scare was after WWII. the point is, racism. Worf is in Starfleet, but we can’t trust him cause genes.

Martha: Or Data, cos circuits…

Cindee: Lmao, yes anyways, so the Klingons are on board

Martha: But to be fair Worf does get quite into these Klingons, he even does a lovely yell when one dies.

Yelling

Cindee: Well, that doesn’t really bother me, people have death rituals

Martha: No it just felt he was copying them a bit

Cindee: Did he only start after they did?

Martha: Yes

Cindee: Ok

Martha. As with Lore in Datalore, the Klingons are given remarkable freedom on the ship, until we speak to big boss Klingon and we find out that actually these are rebels.

Cindee: Well, there’s a treaty. They’re allies

Martha: Well they don’t fully trust them as the damage to the ship is from Klingon weapons. (On a Ferengi ship… hmmm ok)

Cindee: Aaaaaand?

Martha: THEY KILL 2 PEOPLE

Cindee: When they were on the freighter?

Martha: No the Klingons killed two security people

Cindee: I forgot about that, and doesn’t Worf kinda defend them?

Martha: He acts incredibly neutral to them. Like, too neutral really considering. A mother and child come out of a lift and Yar says GO BACK! And then the Klingon picks a kid up, Yar calls in a hostage situation. The Klingon gives the kid to Worf and Worf puts her down AND THE MOTHER AND CHILD SQUEEZE PAST THE KLINGONS AND CONTINUE THEIR JOURNEY

Cindee: Lmao

Martha: No go back in the fucking lift!!!

Cindee: There’s a treaty! There’s nothing to fear!

Martha: And then Worf is all ‘it’s weak to take hostages, Klingons don’t do that’ But then the Klingons give up

Cindee: Are you sure he didn’t say it was dishonorable, thats what he calls most things.

Martha: And then Worf is all don’t kill them, let them free on a planet with massive fuck off monsters so they can fight to the death.

Cindee: Right, to die an honorable death.

Martha: Yes, And I’m pretty sure the boss is like ‘nope’

Cindee: If a Klingon doesn’t die in battle, they don’t go to Klingon heaven

Martha: If Klingons go to Klingon heaven…why do they scream to warn the others of a warrior incoming? If they’re all warriors…

Cindee: Cause, warriors are scary

Martha: Not if you’re a warrior too…

Martha: Erm so anyway Klingon boss is all ‘after you’re done being a SF Officer come join me’ And Worf is all like ‘I am honoured’

Cindee: Worf likes honor

Martha: And then Picard and Riker and everyone just stare at him, like him joining the Klingons would be a FUCKING TRAVESTY

Cindee: And he was like j/k.

Martha: hahahahaha, he was so like j/k.

Flim Flam Man (AKA Hide and Q)

Cindee: So, Q is back

Martha: As a three headed snake bubble. Which is just great!

Cindee: Well, Q can appear as anything.

Martha: As we are made painfully aware of throughout.

Cindee: Wait, did you LIKE this episode?

Martha: No I don’t.

Cindee: Whew, Q episodes, unlike Ferengi episodes, do actually get better… mostly

Martha: So, Q has taken a bit of a shine to Riker, (Let’s face it, who hasn’t), and is going to test him as some sort of elaborate plan not unlike the confusing elaborate plan of the pilot.

Cindee: That about sums it up

Martha: Spoilers – I assumed by the end that Q had upset the rest of the Q’s and was going to be, put in Q jail… I find the Q actor a little creepy.

Cindee: In what way?

Martha: I dunno, wide eyes and creepy smile when he’s in his various disguises.

Cindee: That’s quite the bizarre detail to nitpick at

Martha: I will nitpick at anything I can, and you can’t stop me!

Cindee: I wasn’t trying to stop you, I was nitpicking your nitpicking

Martha: So off they go to game island, I was actually looking forward to what they had planned for the game, Q was described multiple times as ‘creative’ so I was genuinely interested. Turns out the ‘game’ is dressed up ‘animal things’ trying to kill them. Not a game. Not a game AT ALL!

Cindee: What did you expect, Wizard Chess?

Martha: I’d have accepted anything that remotely resembled a game. Not Worf running at the ‘animal things’ (they call them animal things about 4 times) them using their fazers to blow up rocks and animal things.

Cindee: Well, to be fair, there was  penalty box

Martha: THERE WAS NO RULES about the penalty box.

Cindee: Sure there was: one person at a time

Martha: The penalty box lasted 5 minutes. He said ‘penalty over’ yet Yar did not return? No one else went to the penalty box because there was no parameters set for penalty box admission! But, crying IS allowed in the penalty box.

Cindee: Hahah! So, you expected a character we already know to be fairly erratic and arbitrary not to be?

Martha: I wanted there to be some STORY to the episode. Not just ‘oh you guys are gonna get attacked in this game, then I’ll tell Riker I’ve gave him a power, and then he can save you guys because I’ve told him to, and then, more stuff’

Cindee: I don’t know where these expectations came from! What show have you been watching?

Martha: LMAO. I know, what’s wrong with me!? So, Ive accidentally spoiled myself when looking for a FB photo for the blog as I noticed all the cast photos have everyone BUT Yar, so I imagine she’s not long for this world…

Cindee: Maybe she’s just invisible

Martha: But today in ‘who does Yar fancy this episode?’ the answer is *drumroll* PICARD!!!!

Cindee: What makes you think she is into Picard?

Martha: When she’s in the penalty box, she makes it very clear.

Cindee: If you say so . . .

Martha: Okay you’re making me find it!

Cindee: *taps fingers, impatiently*

Martha: PICARD: Don’t worry. There’s a new ship’s standing order on the Bridge. When one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.

TASHA: Captain. Oh, if you weren’t a captain.

Q: Consorting with lower rank females, Captain? Especially ones in penalty boxes? Destructive to discipline, they say. But then again, you’re what? You’re only human? Penalty over.

Martha: And she makes googly eyes when she says it.

Cindee: Maybe it was non-romantic love

Martha: IN STAR TREK?? NO. Sexy parties, sexy planets, sexy Data. EVERYTHING IS SEXY

Cindee: Ok so anyways…

Martha: So Worf throws himself at the animal things, isn’t very successful at being a warrior. He then jumps at an exploded rock shouting drop your weapons at Riker, again, not a very succesful warrior.

Cindee: Well he’s young. You forgot about Picard spouting Shakespeare!

Martha: Meanwhile Q is on the Enterprise whilst the directors make the most out of the fact that Patrick Stewart did a lot of Shakespeare by making him reads loads of Shakespeare

Martha: I DID NOT!

Cindee: JINX

Martha: Definitely get that free Shakespeare in

Cindee: Yeah, they don’t stop doing that, by the by.

Martha: I’m into it. It’s fine. So, Riker gets Q powers, does some sexy laughing. Saves everyone, has a little chat with Q where Q seems to imply humans will evolve past Q and therefore they want a human to, help them grow?

Cindee: What was sexy about his laughing?

Martha: It’s Riker…. Everything he does is sexy, INCLUDING his sexy ignoring of Picard, his sexy calling him Jean Luc…

Cindee: I see

Martha: So I think the main amazingness of this episode is Riker granting everyone’s wishes.

Cindee: Sure, like a genie

Martha: La Forge’s is fairly standard, sight, and obviously he fancies the pants of Yar. Wesley apparently wanted to be 40 years old and still wearing the same jumper. Poor Wesley, he got killed AND rebuffed from the bridge in the same episode.

Cindee: Ok, I’m not an expert on going from being blind to not being blind, but I don’t think that it would be that simple. How would you know what anything you were looking at was?

Martha: Well, I suppose he has had some vision with all his different visor settings, so this is just a new ‘setting’

Cindee: I guess. Anyways, yes, Riker think Wesley wants to be old, and wear the same shirt.

Martha: Bless Wesley. Everyone’s immediate response to seeing him, even his own mother, is ‘Wesley we’re busy’ ‘Wesley this doesnt concern you’ So, Worf’s greatest wish OBVIOUSLY is a woman he can bang without destroying! However, sex appears to be, fighting??

Cindee: Ok, so there’s a couple things there: first, it is actually fairly well established later on that Worf is not a fan of casual sex

Martha: So, Riker was totally off base thinking he wanted a lady Klingon?

Cindee: Seems that way to me, as for the violence part, yes it is implied that Klingon sex is violent on many occasions.

Martha: In season 3 do they just start again and ignore the first two seasons ‘implications.’

Cindee: Not ENTIRELY…

Martha: Riker also states that Worf has ‘no connection to his people’ WHAT ABOUT THE TARG EH

Cindee: Ok, so yeah, Riker is assuming a lot of shit about Worf

Martha: Also, why dont they speak Klingon when she shows up, instead of just, growling?

Cindee: Like, why does he need a connection to “his people”? Why are “his people” even Klingons? He was raised by humans

Martha: Well he has said a few times that he’s a Klingon, like when he wanted to stay with Picard he said he cannot leave his captain as a Klingon, and Picard is all ‘YOU ARE A STAR FLEET OFFICER!!’ Plus Sash!

Cindee: Yes, I agree that Worf is all into being Klingon. I am just arguing that overall that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me

Martha: Does he speak Klingon? That would maybe explain the growling…

Cindee: He does speak Klingon. Who taught him? I dunno. You’re culturally British cause you were raised there. If you were raised here, you’d be culturally American. You wouldn’t be calling shirts jumpers.

Martha: But I would definitely have a traditionally British pet, like a Shetland pony

Cindee: Well obviously. That’s genetic

Martha: And I’d wear a traditional British garment at all times. Like, one of those bearskin hats. AND WHEN I HAD SEX WITH AMERICAN MEN I WOULD DESTROY THEM

Cindee: See, that’s what I’m saying, it makes no sense.

Martha: When was his background established? Because it’s all over the place right now.

Cindee: I feel like the implication is that in general, your genes or whatever have a much bigger impact on your environment, which I’m not on board with. Worf’s background, you learn bits a pieces here and there. He was raised by humans from a very young age. Eventually you’ll meet his parents. They’re walking stereotypes. There’s other details, but SPOILERS. So, that was all the wishes yeah? He wants to make Pinocchio a real boy but Data says no before he does it, yeah? Or actually, they’re not really wishes, they’re Riker’s assumptions of wishes

Martha: Data refuses the real boy yes haha. We don’t get to find out Yar’s wishes because they’re unsuitable for broadcast. Or Picards. Or Dr Crushers… but again, filth

Cindee: We haven’t found out what anyone wishes, just what Riker thinks they wish, and since Riker is very dumb . . .

Martha: That’s true. So yeah Picard calls out Q as a ‘flim flam man’ Riker apologises to Picard for being an idiot and he feels very silly, Picard replies ‘quite right so you should!’

Cindee: Well, Riker is an idiot. I mean, you’ve seen his thinking face

Martha: Hahahah! I like Riker. I don’t want him to get a beard.

Cindee: I dislike Riker.

Martha: Oh also Riker gets on a chair just fine so clearly that hasn’t started yet. INCONSISTENT

Cindee: Haha, ok, so, Riker’s an idiot, end of episode.