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Girls Can’t Do Math (AKA Coming of Age)

Martha: Better luck next time, Wesley! That girl he was up against was basically you. Calling him obnoxious.

Cindee: Nah, if it was me, I’d have won

Martha: Yeah she sucked. All her smack talk was for nothing. She never even completed one round that we saw!!

Cindee: Well, girls can’t do math

Martha: I’m not sure why the kid at the start (who ran away terribly) thought he had a chance of getting in. The Aldeans didn’t even think you were special! Also, something vague is wrong with the enterprise!

Cindee: Yeah, let’s set that part aside for the moment. They are setting up another episode.

Martha: Riker has began his long love affair with the chair vault.

Cindee: Oh is this where it started?

Martha: Yes I think so. I’ve been keeping an eye out and he hasn’t so far!

Cindee: Interesting!

Martha: Anyway, Wesley threatens a massive guy with violence! I would imagine that would not end well for him.

Cindee: That is actually my most favorite part of the episode. This entire species has the same feelings about “curtesy.” Which is comical to me, because generally people think the behavior of their culture is curtesy and that others are violating it, when really they’re just following their own norms. But apparently this entire fucking species apparently has the same cultural norms!

Martha: Yeah. You’d assume there would be a general star fleet code though. Clearly based on superior humans.

Cindee: Well it always is. In case you haven’t picked up on it, humans = Americans

Martha: Also often Worf is told that his star fleet loyalties come before his Klingon culture

Cindee: Yes but Troi is not told that about her Betazoid culture

Martha: UH DUH COS ITS HELPFUL. Things only matter cos they’re helpful to humans…

Cindee: Like Americans!

Martha: So why does this guy get to be a dick? Though I guess we could pass it off as ‘it was alllll a test’

Cindee: Like I said, it is setting up another, worse episode

Martha: Which bit is a setup, the investigation?

Cindee: Yes

Martha: I feel like the lower ranked guy gets a bad deal. He is made to interrogate everyone on the paranoia of the admiral. Everyone hates him. Picard may as well have said ‘YOU WISH WHAT’ with his eye roll when he said he’d really like a job in the Enterprise. So his career prospects are tanked cos of some guy, who Picard still likes! I feel we as the audience are supposed to be like ‘you’ll never join our enterprise!!!’ But really that’s guys done nothing wrong!

Cindee: Cause he was following orders

Martha: Oh don’t Picard quote me. Don’t you dare.

Cindee:

Martha: Well, the list of Enterprise fuck ups and deaths speaks for itself!

Cindee: Anyways, Wesley is scared of his psychological exam, and Worf gives him a pep talk

Martha: Hahaha in the holodeck of all places

Cindee: Did the safety protocols go offline?

Martha: They didn’t but they never actually switched it on. Wesley was just hanging in the checkered room.

Cindee: That’s quite odd. And Worf just happens upon him? “Hmmmm, I’ll just wander into this holodeck to see if anyone is loitering in it”

Martha: I think Worf comes in for some RnR/ death wish action and is all ‘hullo Wesley!’

Cindee: Worf tells Wesley not to worry. Wesley does his thing and it’s about his dad of course

Martha: Soooooo. Did Picard not drag his dad through steam?! Did Picard leave his dad clinging to a pipe?

Cindee: Picard had to choose between two people

Martha: And because he fancied Dr. Crusher, he let her husband die?

Cindee: Sigh. Jack was his best friend!

Martha: So why did he let him die Cindee?

Cindee: that is never really explained

Martha: So you don’t know for sure that I’m wrong…

Cindee: Oh FFS. Next you’re gonna start spouting your theory that Picard is Wesley’s dad

Martha: He loves Wesley. It’s so obvious.

Cindee: He’s more like an uncle.

Martha: So anyways, Wesley follows Worf’s advice, and then doesn’t get into starfleet. So it’s Worf’s fault

Cindee: No, Wesley succeeds at the psych exam. its later that he loses.

Martha: It’s not really explained how. Blue guy is just better generally. And both girls sucked, obviously.

Cindee: Well yes, girls are bad at math. They probably don’t learn calculus until they’re 12 or something. Anyways, you should be glad, now he’ll stick around.

Martha: So it’s all good. And no one died! Wesley doesn’t get into Starfleet at age 16 or whatever.

Cindee Anyways, didn’t you kinda know he’d fail? Since, then he’d be gone? Off at the academy?

Martha: I didn’t know the nature of the training. Is it a literal ‘off to college you go’ school?

Cindee: Yes. 4 years, in San Fransisco.

Martha: What?! Noooo this cannot do. How long would it take to get back to Earth from where

Cindee: Not that long, they go back to Earth frequently

Martha: Ah okay.

Cindee: And in the meantime investigaty guy found nothing

Martha: Picard gives up a job in an episode set up which makes no sense to anyone who doesn’t know that. We just get a lot of people saying how marvelous Picard is!

Cindee: Which he isn’t . . . yet

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Crusher and Crusher’s Magic Routine (AKA When the Bough Breaks)

Martha: Okay so there are apparently 7 children on the Enterprise?

Cindee: They very clearly stated that they took the most special ones

Martha: No way is that little ginger kid special

Cindee: Don’t tell me you’re one of those

Martha: What’s one of those?!

Cindee: People who don’t like red headed people

Martha: Haha my mum is ginger! So the answer to your question is yes. No that child is just annoying and clearly hates her parents!

Cindee: Says the women who just said she doesn’t like her mom

Martha: I don’t just run off with other random women Cindee!

Cindee: She didn’t run off, she was beamed off

Martha: Hahaha! She was well into it until Wesley was all ‘FFS we’re on hunger strike!’

Cindee: They kinda all were, except Wesley. The kid with the mind reading sculpting thing was pretty happy

Martha: Yeah Harry wasn’t interested in leaving really. Cos FUCK CALCULUS.

Cindee: Yeah they teach calculus at 10 apparently

Martha: Although his art dad is a liar. ‘Do I have to do calculus?’ ‘No…. what’s calculus’ HOW DO YOU KNOW HE DOESN’T HAVE TO DO IT THEN?

Cindee: Ok, I can’t believe we’re not first discussing the notion that they teach calculus at 10 in the future

Martha: I’m not smart enough to know what calculus is. Is it super fancy maths?

Cindee: It is a kind of math, yes. In the U.S. it is generally taken in late high school or in college.

Martha: They just unsterilised a whole bunch of people. Calculus is the least of my worries!

Cindee: I know it is a throwaway scene but I think it is a really telling reflection of American notions of education. I mean, people are always saying this silly fact here that “we only use 10% of our brain” What on earth does that mean? And how do they know it? And we have this notion here that we are “losing” at education and the answer is to teach our kids more and faster. Then we take away things like recess and stuff, and for what?

Martha: Erm we mapped the brain Cindee. And only like 10% had stuff on. Okay so let’s go back to the beginning as I have many issues. Firstly, Crusher kicks off when the people beam aboard because they haven’t been through decontamination.

Cindee: Yes

Martha: When has ANYONE been through decontamination before?

Cindee: The transporter does it when it beams people. It’s a well-established fact.

Martha: And they’re sterile . . . seriously how does restoring the ozone layer make them fertile again?! THATS NOT A THING

Cindee: They don’t just restore the ozone, they do some medical treatments, too

Martha: ‘And we know they’ll be great parents because they kidnapped ours and made a dolphin’

Cindee: I can’t believe you’re not noticing the fact that the show claimed that in the 21st century, there was an infertility epidemic on earth!

Martha: Well to be fair she just said that the ozone layer was failing…

Cindee: And that it caused the infertility!

Martha: Well maybe they thought it was going to… Making us all pale….And photosensitive

Cindee: Star Trek has a nice long history of wildly predicting all sorts of things in the near future. Like, TOS claimed in the 1990s there were be some Eugenics Wars where genetically engineered people were all like “woah we’re superior” and tried to take over and then in DS9, even though that clearly never happened, they still act like it did! Personally, I’m looking forward to 2024, we’re gonna solve inequality then.

Martha: But anyway, Riker has been the most suspicious man ever on all occasions apart from this one time when he needed to be suspicious. And Wesley has a new skill: sleight of hand!

Cindee: well apparently he and his mom have a magic routine they’ve been practicing

Martha: That explains it!

Cindee: Ok, so let’s recap for our reader. We’re all over the place here.

Martha: How dare you

Cindee: Picard summons Riker to the bridge cause in the couple of months he’s known him, he has learned Riker is obsessed with some stupid story. Riker tells the story, and then it becomes real!

Martha: And he’s not suspicious even though he’s always suspicious. Troi is suspicious. But no one cares.

Cindee: Other than the apples in the pilot, when else his Riker been suspicious?

Martha: He was suspicious about the space station

Cindee: That’s the same episode!

Martha: No the one with evil Picard!

Cindee: Oh fine. Anyways, so yes, Troi has some oddly specific read on these people

Martha: INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC!

Cindee: “they want something that we will not want to give them!”

Martha: ALSO! She says she feels hundreds (thousands?) of minds. When they can’t see the planet

Cindee: So?

Martha: There’s 9, Troi.

Cindee: That we see

Martha: He says there are few left. And the fish are dead, Cindee. And the dolphins are all wooden.

Cindee: I don’t think he literally meant a few

Martha: I don’t think 7 children are sufficient to placate thousands of people. Or restart a species.

Cindee: I dunno, Adam and Eve’s sons did it somehow

Martha: Biblical incest

Cindee: Ok, well this will be non-biblical incest

Martha: This episode had no sex. Yet here we are…

Cindee: Well, that’s on you. ANYWAYS, the people beam aboard with a giant cornucopia.

Martha: Much to Crusher’s fury. Crusher is upset they haven’t been decontaminated.

Cindee: They leave on account of the bright lights

Martha: Like gremlins

Cindee: And then beam down Riker, Troi, and Crusher and Picard is like INTERESTING CHOICES. WTF does that mean Picard?

Martha: WOMEN

Cindee: Yeah . . .

MarthaL Clearly they enjoyed Crusher’s cardigan. With her big pockets.

Cindee: It’s a lab coat. She’s a doctor.

Martha: It’s a cardigan

Cindee: Lab coat

Martha: Lab cardigan

Cindee: Meanwhile, on the planet we learn that other species don’t give a shit about their kids

Martha: You take that back! That ginger kid is adored! Wesley gets level 3 clearance to… something and stuff and things! Wooden dolphin! Mind music! And I’m sure the other 3 no one cared about did stuff!

Cindee: No, I mean how Troi is like “humans are unusually attached to their children”

Martha: Oh indeed!! Fucking weird humans.

Cindee: I don’t remember what happened next,  just that later they swipe the kids

Martha: Basically they’re all ‘oh clearly you won’t give them up, whatever’ and nick them

Cindee: And that the custodian predicted Wesley would be the leader

Martha: Well he got that right

Cindee: NO SHIT SHERLOCK HE’S THE OLDEST

Martha: Imagine if little Alexandra was the boss. With her fluffy toy.

Cindee: They’d have never left. They’d all just be playing hide and seek still. So, the kids are bizarrely not that upset and they all get their mind reading art tools.

Martha: Well as Crusher says, they knew what they signed up for. Clearly the children were told that ‘hey, you might get kidnapped.’

Cindee: And the children signed terms of service agreement. But they were like the iTunes agreement, no one read them!

Martha: I promise not to sue star fleet:

A) if we’re kidnapped

B ) if the holodeck kills us

C ) if we are mentally scarred by being forced to do RnR on a sex planet

D) if we trust the wrong Data and get eaten by a crystal entity

E) if a space jellyfish stings us

F) if our hope is crushed by a terrible hug from Picard

Cindee: Yeah, that whole “Picard is afraid of kids” thing is back. This time Riker’s not there to protect him.

Martha: YOU HAD ONE JOB RIKER

Cindee: Then Crusher and Crusher do their magic routine.

Martha: I thought this planet was super advanced. How did she not see that? How didn’t they realise she had tech in her massive lab cardigan pockets?

Cindee: Because Martha, they’re all dumb from being dependent on their computer! They only things they can do are operate mind-reading art tools!

Martha: That was a big missed opportunity plot wise too. They knew nothing about the computer. We know nothing about the computer other than the shield it made affected the ozone layer. And I guess they’re gonna have to switch it off?

Cindee: So they fling the Enterprise away, and meanwhile Wesley fancies himself to be Ghandi

Martha: And does nothing except find the kids

Cindee: Yes and teach them about passive resistance. The Enterprise returns and the old guy asks Picard to make the kids eat

Martha: Like this place is too soft. If you really want the kids fling the enterprise off properly

Cindee: Meanwhile, Riker and Data are sneaking about on a hostile planet, and don’t have their phasers. Riker doesn’t even bring his own tricorder!

Martha: ERM HE HAS NO POCKETS.

Cindee: Data gives up real fast on breaking into the computer and “scrambles” it instead, whatever that means

Martha: Which could have been handy if Wesley could have used his access to save them. But no. No plot for you!

Cindee: True. He tells Picard he understands the computer and Picard is like “that’s nice”

Martha: It ended up very similar to sexy planet, with them just beaming them off. Instead of a god it was a shield

Cindee: There was no speech. Also, they hung around and helped them with their problems, cause humans are better than other species

Martha: Data needs to remember what Picard told him: everything is impossible, until it is not…

Cindee: Do not question a Picardism, Martha

Martha: Well it’s fine if he lived by it himself. It’s only Data who has to solve impossible century old problems on a daily basis

Cindee: like the Picard maneuver?

Martha: Yes It’s impossible to get through this shield! Only cos you haven’t bothered to find a way yet Data!

Cindee: Anyways, in a terrifying ending, Picard has to be hugged by a child. And everyone laughs, which is stupid, but at least not insulting to anyone’s memory.

Martha: Yeah no one actually died!

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Magical Infectious Holodeck Snowball (AKA Angel One)

From Memory Alpha:

An early story meeting about this episode was attended by Patrick Barry, Gene Roddenberry, and Herbert J. Wright. Wright was wary that the concept of a matriarchal society had been too overdone. “So one of the major issues that we didn’t want to do was an Amazon Women kind of thing where the women are six feet tall with steel D cups,” he recalled. “I said, ‘The hit I want to take on this is apartheid, so that the men are treated as though they are blacks of South Africa. Make it political. Sexual overtones, yes, but political.’ Well, that didn’t last very long. Everything that Gene got involved with had to have sex in it. It’s so perverse that it’s hard to believe. The places it was dragged into is absurd. We were talking about how women would react, and Gene was voicing all the right words again, saying, ‘Oh, yes, we’ve got to make sure that women are represented fairly, because, after all, women are probably the superior sex anyway, and it’s real important we don’t get letters from feminists, because we want to be fair and we don’t want to infer that women have to rule by force if they do rule, because men don’t have to rule by force.’ Very sensible stuff. All of a sudden something kicks in and he changes: ‘However, we also don’t want to infer that it would be a better society if women ruled.'” His voice becoming increasingly louder, Roddenberry continued that this was because women were untrustworthy, “vicious creatures,” which he angrily blurted out in a torrent of hateful verbiage. Concluded Wright, “Then he looks out the window, looks at the outline, and says, ‘Okay, on page eight…’ and continues like that didn’t even happen.” (The Fifty-Year Mission: The Next 25 Years, p. 83)

Martha: Jesus this man is insane!

Cindee: Yup

Martha: But yes he failed in literally all of his supposed aims. I mean failed and then doubled down on the fail

Cindee: It’s sad. there are later episodes where they kinda invert things and then make a point about the actual injustice in our culture and do it well. But NOT THIS TIME

Martha: No this was just ridiculous. The way the men were portrayed as very typically feminine and sexualized. As if that’s the only way one sex can be the ‘lower’

Cindee: It’s so ridiculous too because they’re ALWAYS encountering patriarchal societies and judging them but then being like whatevs. But here they’re like noooooo, this is sooooo wroooooong. And my husband was saying that the women on this planet are unusually strong and that’s why they’re in charge?

Martha: Unusually strong and aggressively dominant

Cindee: White people oppress black people, but not because white people are stronger.

Martha: Exactly. And all this ‘let’s not make them Amazonian, let’s just choose shorter men!’

Cindee: And then they’re like “Riker is so tall”?

Martha: If anything I thought Riker came out of this looking… okay?

Cindee: What did Riker do that was so okay?

Martha: He was asked to wear the outfit to meet the mistress. And he did, and he wasn’t a giggling dumbass about it like Troi and Yar. (Yes he then had sex with the lady but… )

Cindee: Well of course he did

Martha: But isn’t the whole point about respecting the cultures they come across. There was a lot of prime directive blathering. It seems the prime directive doesn’t ACTUALLY matter if someone is at risk of death

Cindee: Even though it did in Justice?

Martha: Exactly

Cindee: Well, that was Wesley, the golden child

Martha: It’s literally ‘Prime Directive unless something is happening that we wouldn’t do. So…. what’s the point!

Cindee: pretty much. Like I said, it gets more consistent, though I think it is on the whole dumb. I mean, ok, spoilers:  There are times when a civilization is literally going to get DESTROYED. Like, WIPED OUT. And they’re like “Sorry! Can’t save you! PRIME DIRECTIVE!!!!”

Martha: BUT FOUR GUYS?! Well they didn’t even bother to cast four guys they cast one and the others were just implied guys

Cindee: Guys are expensive

Matha: So in the end Riker does an impassioned speech so they let this guy(s) stay on another species planet where they don’t want them. Success for the Prime Directive! Meanwhile Crusher is furious to realise she didn’t cure the common cold after all

Cindee: Good summary

Martha: Is it implied that the cold came from the holodeck?! Like is the holodeck trying to kill them again?!

Cindee: Oh I forgot that? I was so busy with the damn sexism I forgot about the B plot. That sounds about right, murderous holodeck

Martha: Ok, so here is Wesley and pals off to go play in the snow

Martha: They throw a snowball which hits Picard and Worf, who comment on an unusual smell. And him and Worf are the first two after Wesley and other boy to get the cold

Cindee: Oh is this the one where the snowball somehow doesn’t dematerialize off the holodeck?

Martha:  YES! I didn’t know if that was allowed cos those guys sorta walked off it before briefly

Cindee: So, it’s an infected snowball

Martha: Well it never ever mentioned the holodeck or the snow. They just say it’s airborne through smell. Just implied?

Cindee: Ok then. Infected magical holodeck snowball

Martha: But the holodeck is a death trap. 100%.

Cindee: So, for the sake of our reader and completing sake, will you carry on? On, for the sake of your emotional well being, will you skip on to season 3?

Martha: I must carry on, the prime directive…

Cindee: Also . . .  what if someone else says sense OARS and you miss it?

Martha: They almost certainly will

Cindee: All in all, I think I’m going to have rethink my ratings once we’re done with season 2. I stand by my higher ratings, but the lower ones need some reconsideration

Martha: I saw someone considered angel one the 4th worst

Cindee:  I have it as 165 out of 176. That needs reconsideration

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Ze End Of Ze Universe! (aka Where No One Has Gone Before)

Martha: Ze end of ze universe! She had a French accent!

Cindee: Alright alright

Martha: Sorry “French” Okay so I’ll go out on a limb and say this was the best episode so far?

Cindee: I hadn’t thought about it that way, I suppose it is.

Martha: However, it’s certainly not without things to discuss! First of all, in Naked Now the chief engineer was a woman. Now it’s a guy? Where has she gone?! It’s not even the deputy from Naked Now.

Cindee: In season 1, they change chief engineers like every 5 minutes. It’s kinda weird there isn’t a chief engineer among the main cast.

Martha: On a side note Wesley’s jumpers are a genuine delight. I hope there’s someone making them out there because I want them all.

Related image

Cindee: There is a  particular one that ThinkGeek.com has made several items to look like

Martha: Fantastic, I would wear them all.

Cindee: Noted

Martha: So Wesley, or ‘the boy’ as he is mostly referred to. They seem to be setting him up as some child genius

Cindee: Really, what tipped you off?

Martha: Hah! He also gets the brunt of the random Picard angry outbursts this episode
“move!” “Don’t interrupt me!” “What is the boy doing here?!”

Cindee: What indeed…

Martha: Being the only character to actually know what’s going on, that’s what!

Cindee: Yeah that’ll get old fast though.

Martha: It makes me question the Star Fleet training!

Cindee: Like, it is meaningless or something? Cause this stupid boy can do all the things?

Martha: Well he’s the only one! So it’s both unnecessary and not fit for purpose

Cindee: Really he’s only an engineering genius, at the academy they have other topics.

Martha: Yet again Star fleet isn’t really following its own laws and is quite happy to kill an unknown alien to help themselves Which they have no knowledge of its physiology but can revive it at will whenever needed

Cindee: See, it’s Dr. Crusher who is the genius!

Martha:That’s where Wesley gets it from!

Cindee: I don’t remember them killing anyone this episode.

Martha: The time travel being, who says space and time and distance don’t exist, hey didn’t kill him. He was dying anyway or whatever, I get that
BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT. They’re warned repeatedly that he won’t last.

Cindee: You think he’s dead?

Martha: No I think he’s fazed off somewhere else.

Cindee: Well that’s not the same as dead at all

Martha: My point is they don’t know this. They even say ‘better get what you need fast’ when she revived him again. Yes they didn’t kill him but they were prepared to.

Cindee: hmmmm I don’t know about that

Martha: Don’t make me get the script, I WILL!

Cindee: hahahaha. I feel like the traveler is going to be just fineMartha: Oh I loved Worfs pet!

Image result for star trek targ

Cindee: So, you’re a targ fan. OK. Seems like a targ is about us un-cat-like as can be

Martha: Obviously
I like the idea that Worf walks around thinking about him
And Picard thinks about the ship not existing
And that other guy thinks about fire.

Cindee: I find the idea that Worf had a targ difficult to accept

Martha: Wasn’t he raised by humans…

Cindee: Exactly

Martha: Wikipedia, I have glanced at it

Cindee: Wait you can’t do that!

Martha: I wanted to see where he came from before you told me all Klingons are cool now. Forgive me

Cindee: WELL. Maybe you should make your blog with Wikipedia then!

Martha: That would probably be much more helpful. I’m glad you agree.

Cindee: I’m plenty helpful

Martha: Wikipedia agrees that Picard was willing to sacrifice the traveller…

Cindee: No it doesn’t.Marha: It can do in a minute…

Martha: Okay I enjoyed the terrible jokes
‘Shall we call Dr Crusher?’
‘Why? IS SOMEONE ILL?!?’
Chortle

Cindee: I can’t remember, did anyone die in this episode? Like, actually die, not fade away

Martha: Just Picard’s compassion…

Cindee: hahahaha ok, No one died. Well that’s unusual

Martha: I feel on the whole this was a good non problematic episode. However
There was a man in a miniskirt, and whilst I’d love to think ‘wow, ahead of the times here Star Trek!’ I feel that’s not the case…

Cindee: Well, I think they wanted to think that they were

Martha: By having men in miniskirts as well as ladies?

Cindee: Yes. Supposedly they were planning on making Geordi gay but then chickened out on that

Martha: Is men in skirts a thing in TOS?

Cindee: No, but being inconsistently ahead of the times sure was. ALL the women had short skirts.

Martha: In TNG are they defending TOS by saying ‘oh I’m sure some offscreen guys had skirts too!’

Cindee: oh you mean like retroactively?

Martha:  Yeah I guess I’m assuming it happened as a reaction

Cindee: I think that they were trying to be forward thinking, I don’t know that they were retconning TOS though.

Martha: Well I’ve already brought up Troi’s pilot outfit, so I assume other people noticed all women in TOS has little skirts

Cindee: Right but sexism

Martha: Okay. Let me go out on a limb and say that Picard, Riker, Data, Worf, La Forge, never rock the mini…

Cindee: Well, spoilers, but correct

Martha: Hahaha so, forward thinking but only background characters

Cindee: Correct

Martha: Interesting about La Forge

Cindee:  Yeah too bad they didn’t go through with it WIMPS

Martha: I’d have though the obvious 80s choice would be to have Yar be gay.
Female, short hair, good at fighting, must be gay!

Cindee: WELL aren’t we heteronormative!

Martha: 80’s Star Trek is the most heteronormative of all the Heteronorms that have ever normed this planet!
But yeah, I guess I don’t have much to say on this one! All in all a half decent sci fi episode?

Cindee: I guess . . . I’ve seen better

Martha: Well I haven’t YOUVE SEEN WHAT IVE SEEN And it has not been good! Of the 6 I’ve seen this is the best. Like we have space/time/distance not existing being introduced. Some interaction with other vessel staff, even though he’s a douche.

Cindee: Hmmm. Yeah I think it’s okay Let me check my ranking list…
it is ranked 127

Martha: Do you have a ranking for it out of season 1 alone? Or season 1/2 alone?

Cindee: Ranked by season? What kind of a freak would do that…

Image result for picard facepalm

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Jazz Hands! (AKA The Last Outpost)

Martha: FERENGIS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING. I HOPE THEY ARE NEVER IN ANOTHER EPISODE. But I know they will be. URGH!

Cindee: Did you watch the whole thing yet?

Martha: Yes!

Cindee: So, yes the Ferengi are in lots more episodes, but they change a lot

Martha: They best do. They literally jumped around doing jazz hands for the last five minutes

Cindee: They were supposed to be the “big” enemy for TNG, but that didn’t work out cause they’re silly. Really, the only consistent thing from this episode to the rest is that they like valuables and they’re sexist and don’t let women wear clothes. In the future, instead of being menacing, they basically just become Republicans

Martha: Oh god. Third/fourth episode now where someone is shocked there’s a woman in the party.

Cindee: Like I said, aliens in Star Trek are sexist, and humans act like we are not. Kinda like how in the U.S. people complain about sexism elsewhere and act like it’s not a thing here.

Martha: So, Worf’s sash, what is this? No one else has one.

Cindee: It’s him being Klingon-y. It has his family crest or whatever on it I think.

Martha: I see! Data continues to be delightful, I enjoyed the Chinese finger traps as bizarre as the inclusion was

Cindee: Really? I thought that was pretty stupid

Martha: It was stupid in that it made no sense in the context, they’re paralysed by an unknown entity, their life support is going to fail but LOL Data’s fingers are stuck. But in isolation I enjoyed it.

Cindee: Well in the grand tradition of our friendship, we are on opposite ends here. I dislike Data.

Martha: Well I’m only 4 episodes in  and currently he’s a good foil to Picard who is too aggressive and serious currently.

Cindee: Touche. I just find some things about Data make no sense. Like him not knowing any idioms. I mean there are idiom books now, so there must be some in the future right? Unless they were all lost in WWIII?

Martha: I guess he needs a ‘thing’ if he’s perfect AI then, other than being a walking plot device (aka encyclopaedia) what purpose does he have (except sex robot…)

Cindee: I get him not getting human behavior . . but idioms?

Martha: I feel the prime directive was thrown out of the window this episode, despite it being a constant theme of it with Riker using it to show the humans worthiness to the Guardian of the (something) empire.

Cindee: The prime directive is WILDLY inconsistently applied in general.

Martha: So, my issue here, as soon as they find out that they are not in fact outgunned by the Ferengi, they immediately manipulate them and lie to them. (Which makes Picard’s little speech about trust pretty hypocritical). He forces them to break their cultural desire not to give visual communications.

Cindee. Hahaha. That’s not a thing in future episodes.

Martha: I mean even if it is a lie, they don’t know that. They claim to know nothing about the Ferengi

Cindee: Touche

Martha: They were happy for Yar to fight to the death to respect a culture last episode! I just found it a bit strange that they lie and manipulate, only back down on the lie when the Ferengi find out they are lying, and then say ‘wooooah don’t you trust us?!’ And then have Riker bang on about the prime directive in the same episode.

Cindee: Well, supposedly the prime directive applies differently to warp-capable species and non-warp-capable species. I always wondered if the people in Code of Honor were warp capable. It’s not clear.

Martha:  Is that to do with the ‘don’t expose them to tech’ idea (from the movie don’t shoot me…)

Cindee: One of those shitty new movies? Unlike SOME people I can handle new movies that I don’t like being created in a favorite franchise without FREAKING OUT

Martha: Oh are you Star Wars shaming me?! ARE YOU?

Cindee: I sure am.

Martha: I found the insertion of ‘earth history that’s not a thing really’ a bit confusing. Maybe I wasn’t listening. We had ‘Yankee traders’ who were like, space pirates with a bit more honour. An Uncle Sam reference and then a random Picard soliloquy on the colours of the French flag…

Cindee: What? I don’t remember ANY of that. So, what’s not a thing? Uncle Sam is a thing and France does have a flag that has colors

Martha: Hahahah! Okay so they described the Ferengis as Yankee traders, which they explain as a sort of space merchant sailor who roamed around space in history looking for stuff to trade (but dodgy trade).  Riker calls them his forbearers. And then someone mentions red white and blue and Picard is all ‘ahhhh, but in France we have it the right way, blue, white, red…’

Cindee: In his British accent?

Martha: Yes, all dreamily to himself. And then Data starts listing other red white and blue flags and RUINS THE MOMENT

Cindee: Fun fact: in Star Trek, all French people have British accents

Martha: Well that’s bizarre.

Cindee: Maybe in the future, you all will conquer France

Martha: It’s on my to do list

Cindee: Apparently though, you’ll let them keep their flag

Martha: On the subject of accents, does the ship have ‘sense oars’ or does Picard just say sensors weirdly..

Cindee: So, that’s not how you say it?

Martha: Well obviously…

Cindee: You’re probably unaware of this, not being an expert like me, but some British people pronounce words differently than other British people

Marth: I agree, and whilst I am no expert, no British person says ‘sensOARS’ with so much emphasis on the second syllable. I’ve checked with them all.  Lastly, I think the only thing I really have to add was them ‘going to have a conference evaluation. Which is basically ‘let’s have a chat in this cupboard’

Cindee: wait wut

Martha: and you call yourself a trekkie… Picard said ‘lets have a conference evaluation’ and all of the characters that had names went into this little side cupboard to discuss what to do!’

Cindee: I mean they have conferences all the time, but not in a cupboard

Martha: Okay it was a tiny room, off the bridge. And considering he took 90% of the people on the bridge it made no sense

Cindee: It wasn’t this room?

Martha: Yes. It just didn’t seem necessary, unless they didn’t want those pesky no name computer guys to hear

Cindee: Well that room is not a cupboard. It’s plenty big.

Martha: But is it necessary.

Cindee: You don’t like to sit down around a table to discuss things at work? You prefer to have all conversations haphazardly wherever you happen to be? I mean Yar doesn’t even have a chair. All the other chairs on the bridge are facing the same direction.

Martha: Okay I see your point. But they didn’t sit down, they just stood around in the not-a-cupboard.

Cindee: I see.

Martha: Troi was useless this episode.

Cindee: Well that’s nothing new. Was Troi able to read their minds? In later episodes they claim Betazoids can’t read Ferengis.

Martha: Well in this episode her sense were blocked entirely by something, either the Ferengis or the force field.  I don’t want more Ferengis.

Cindee: Well, sucks to be you. Like I said, they do change. They become Republicans.

Martha: Less jazz hands, more paying off porn stars?

Cindee: They are republicans in the sense that they are obsessed with capitalism

Martha: Money and naked ladies – checks out

Posted on

Sexy Party Disease (AKA The Naked Now) and Calloused Feelings (things you need if you want to successfully watch Code of Honor)

Martha : Okay so first I have questions about the sexy party episode, and general questions.  So, as you know I know nothing about Star Trek, for example I had no idea it was a travelling ‘community’ rather than just a crew exploring new planets. Like the families and everything. Is that new for TNG and does it continue throughout the whole thing?

 

Cindee: It is new for TNG. DS9 also has families. VOY sort of does, but not on purpose.

 

Martha: Is that not dangerous? Toting families around whilst they go and fight the Borg and whatever other big baddies are gonna turn up?

 

Cindee: Oh yeah it’s extremely dangerous. Also, you know how in Encounter at Farpoint, they separate the ship into two parts to keep some people out of harm’s way? Yeah, well there are about a million times in the future where it would have made lots of sense to separate the ship to keep people safe. But they basically never do it.

 

Martha: I guess I don’t see the purpose of anyone other than the crew being on the ship. A space station or, god forbid, Farpoint Station, sure, but why on the ship?!

 

Cindee: No clue, so that Picard could have some children to be afraid of?
Martha: It’s okay he has Riker so he doesn’t make an ass of himself.
YOU HAVE ONE JOB RIKER! Okay so let’s just sputter out my sexy party issues. As you know I watched it again for, terrible reasons. I kinda love Data. I love that his version of a wild party is bendy straws scattered about the Tsiokovsky, aka sexy party death ship where  they partied themselves into a sexy grave…Also, am I to assume the ‘ships stores’ have pretty much anything the plot requires? Such as super skimpy outfits for Yar…

 

Cindee: Oh, she probably replicated that

 

Martha: She goes to visit Troi for clothing advice (COS WOMAN) and then she’s all ‘oh the ships stores will have what I need’

 

Cindee: Oh really? Ok that’s not a thing later on in the series, they just replicate the stuff they need.

 

Martha: We shall ignore the sexy Data occurrence. I want to know more of her backstory without it being a quite seedy segue into her wanting to bang Data.

 

Cindee: more of Yar’s backsory?

 

Martha: Yeah
Cindee: Hmm, ok

 

Martha: Well I guess I’m torn on Yar. On the one hand she started off as a good antidote to Troi’s ‘emotional sensitive woman’ spiel, but in Code of Honour she pissed me off, the pair of them!

 

Cindee: Is there anyone in Code of Honor who didn’t piss you off? ‘cause, that episode is pretty messed up all around.

 

Martha: Wesley…

 

Cindee: 😀

 

Martha: I’d like to think Michael Dorn noped on out of there which is why no Worf.
Cindee: yeah I dunno why he wasn’t in the episode.

 

Martha: To my knowledge it wasn’t referenced.  So, I mean there are clear issues with the depiction of this culture which are ‘primitive’ and believe in abducting people as a jolly good laugh

 

Cindee: And that they are for some inexplicable reason all black!
Martha: Also ‘they’ll evolve out of it’
Cringe.

 

Cindee: Right, and I don’t know how much you know about the Jim Crow era in the south in the U.S., but a lot of the moral panic that white people had about black people is that they thought that black men were out to get white women, so here we have an episode with a black guy kidnapping a white woman.

 

Martha: But, you do find him attractive though Cindee? This guy who just kidnapped you, and who has held you prisoner. Kinda dreamy right?

 

Cindee: Hah!  Wait, does Yar say she finds him attractive at some point?

 

Martha: She says it TWICE! Troi makes her say it by telling everyone she can tell she fancies him, and then she says it again later on!!

 

Cindee: Wow, I think I was so distracted by the blatant racism that I didn’t notice the sexism. So Yar basically has Stockholm Syndrome…

 

Martha: Oh the sexism is RIFE!

 

Don’t get me wrong the racism is strong and it is there but it definitely clouds the sexism, we need to look at both! Both are literally referred to as ‘Highly pleasant but unimportant’

 

Cindee: I agreed, both are an issue. Who said that?

 

Martha: Yutan. The ‘leader’ though it turns out that the women own all the land and whoever’s ‘wife’ has the most land is the leader So, they tried? Do we count that as a try?

 

Cindee: Oh right. Well that’s part of a long tradition in Star Trek of other cultures being sexist and us pretending ours isn’t. And  no, that does not count as a try ?

 

Martha: In the frankly AMAZING pole dancing fight to the death at the end the leader isn’t bothered if his wife dies as it means he will get the land
(which his friend reminds him of and he smiles, but then the wife still leaves her husband for his friend at the end!)

 

Cindee: I had forgotten all these details. I mostly just remembered the racism and never watched it again.

 

Martha: The fight is amazing. There are many poles and at the start they literally slalom between them like dogs at agility courses, how that helps them in this fight I don’t know Plus the leaders wife, Yareena  has an amazing sparkly fight jumpsuit.

 

Cindee: And, this is a rip off of a TOS episode in many ways, though I don’t think that one had the racism

 

Martha: Why are they doing that? Two episodes in a row, not counting the pilot

 

Cindee: Fan service?

 

Martha: Is it a service to just remake what people have already seen…
Oh that’s a question I have. Are the characters roughly comparable?

 

Cindee: Hmm, good question, I mean, Data is Spock
Martha: Yeah so, Picard/Kirk? Data/Spock…
Cindee: I think I read somewhere once that Picard and Riker were supposed to be the two halves of Kirk or something stupid like that.
Like Picard is the principled half and Riker is the sexy half.

 

Martha: Well speaking of I’m not looking forward to Riker’s goatee.
Cindee: You prefer beardless Riker? I think I associate beardless Riker with shitty episodes in my mind

 

Martha: Oh random Picard outburst of the day, when asking Wes to come onto the bridge (to get in his mums good books/pants) and he doesn’t immediately rush to go the one places he’s been told not to Picard is suddenly shouting ‘IS THE WHOLE SHIP DEAF?!?’ which I thought you would appreciate!

 

Cindee: Oh yeah, I love me some audism

 

Martha: Also, Wesley’s jumpers = fantastic!

 

Cindee: Wesley goes through all sorts of great outfits

 

Martha: I’m glad Troi’s less skimpy uniform has stayed at least two episodes

 

Cindee: She also has tons of wardrobe changes.  Eventually some guy makes Troi put on an actual uniform and they act like that guy is some sort of monster for doing so. But, spoilers. They let Dr. Crusher have a uniform though!

 

Martha: Okay so did Picard kill her husband? Or was it kinda his fault?
What is that backstory!

 

Cindee: Oh right, Jack Crusher. Picard didn’t kill him, but he died under his command.

 

Martha: So to allay his guilt he is clearly gong to get with Dr Crusher?

 

Cindee: Um, spoilers!

 

Martha: He has hit on her in three episodes out of three!
I mean the pilot is reaching but I thought Wesley was maybe his kid cos he was so awkward and his whole ‘I HATE KIDS RIKER HELP’ speech

 

Cindee: Haha, Wesley is not his kid

 

Martha: THAT WE KNOW OF SO FAR. There’s a new season with Picard right
Who knows what will out…

 

Cindee: touché.

 

Martha: OH MAN WE HAVE TO COME BACK TO CALLOUSED FEELINGS! CALLOUSED FEELINGS CINDEE

 

Cindee: What are you rambling on about?

 

Martha: Dr Crusher says something about seeing death too much. And she wishes doctors got callouses on their feelings so they didn’t feel them anymore, and Picard’s all ‘maybe good doctors never get calloused feelings’

 

Cindee: Oh wow…

 

Martha: Okay one last thing!

Giving them a horse as a gift, and they give zero shits about the horse. He moves it away from himself immediately!

 

Cindee: Why DID they give him the horse anyways?

 

Martha: Like as an example of our ancient culture and how we have ~similarities~ They weren’t impressed with it. Though I do like Data correcting Picard

 

Cindee: Well then you’re gonna love this show!

 

Until the next time…