The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog
The blog where Martha watches an episode of Star Trek and then talks about it with her Trekkie friend Cindee
Martha: Hi. We’ve been incredibly inconsistent with this prime directive stuff so here is an episode where we beat you about the head with it in order to further your understanding
Cindee: hahahahaha. I feel like their answer in this one actually made some sense though? It’s been a while admittedly…
Martha: Yeah, and there was some initial intrigue! I felt the plot was fairly obvious once it got going but it was interesting
Continue reading “Just Say No (AKA Symbiosis)”Cindee: So, some Klingons show up, and they’re not fans of the treaty
Martha: Can we go back a second, What is the neutral zone? And why can’t anyone go in it?
Cindee: Well it’s a bit weird, cause in TOS the neutral zone is an area of space between the Klingon Empire and Federation. In TNG its the same thing, but with the Romulans
Martha: I could understand no battle ships. But this was a freight ship?
Cindee: No one can go in the neutral zone. NO ONE
Martha: Okay
Cindee: I mean, in theory
Martha: So yes, they go aboard and find Klingons.I have many issues with this episode. Mostly with your friend Picard.
Cindee: Well he’s not my friend yet
Martha
Martha: Hahaha, So Geordie has a way to transmit his vision to the bridge.
Cindee: ooooh right, that was a thing in this episode, and then they never spoke of it again
Martha: and now Picard can FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM. Because you can’t understand someone unless you know how they see things visually.
Cindee: Correct, that’s why Tony doesn’t understand me, he has perfect vision, I wear glasses. Eventually, it’ll lead to divorce.
Martha: And what’s that red human shaped thing?!
Cindee: Riker
Martha: Oh… Riker.. Come on Picard!
Cindee: So yeah, pretty ableist
Martha: It just was weirdly worded They could have been like ‘oh so this is what you can see! The strength of the metal, the heat signals, cool!’
Not ‘now I know who he is… I had no idea before!’
Cindee: It’s like when they have kids use a wheelchair or blindfold themselves or whatever and then think they understand what it is like to be disabled.
Martha: Hahahahaha yeah basically
Cindee: No you don’t, you don’t know how to operate a damn wheelchair, so of course its superweird for you…
Martha: Yes it was very silly
Cindee: Yes, and then they never spoke of it again…
Martha: Well the signal got overloaded. Forever… OH, We have another fantastic ask of Data from Riker.
Cindee: which is?
Martha:
Riker: How do we get to the engine room?
Data: There are several paths to the engine room, all of which are equally dangerous
Riker: Well which is the least dangerous?!’
RIKER DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT EQUALLY MEANS!
Cindee: Lol, I have tried to explain to you that he’s not that bright
Martha: Hahaha he really isn’t!
Cindee: Did he have his thinking face?
Riker: No he was mad. He was mad because he was sick of Picard being all
‘Look at Data!’
‘Look at some fire!’
‘Look at Riker!!’
Treating poor Geordi like an eye puppet
Cindee: Wait, Riker is mad at ableism and so asked Data a stupid question later?
Martha: No he didn’t have a thinking face cos he was too annoyed for it…
Cindee: There is this one episode where for medical reasons, Riker is having trouble concentrating. aAnyways I am like HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT THAN NORMAL. Like theres like a whole minute of him just making lots of thinking faces and looking confused
Martha: That. Sounds.Amazing. Im sure it won’t be… Anyway, so we find some
Klingons, and beam them back. WITH SOME ADDED PERIL OF AN EXPLOSION. But somehow they beam fine
Cindee: Saved by the transporter, as always. Transporters are fucking magical,
Martha: Sooooo the Klingons are here, and just like Datalore we now distrust Worf!
Cindee: Lmao, yeah, it is funny cause they act like people will be loyal to their “kind” over their actual socialization
Martha: Like seriously. I hope some dodgy French people don’t come aboard cos now we won’t trust Picard!
Cindee: It’s really actually racist, if you think about it. it assumes people’s intentions, behavior, etc are like built into their genes or something.
Martha. It’s just very odd and it makes you think that they’re not really good friends and teammates!!
Cindee: But you know, humans are Americans, and it was only 70 years ago we were like “lets distrust these Japanese American citizens!!!”
Martha: Hurray for Joseph McCarthy!
Cindee: um, I don’t think that was McCarthy. McCarthy was the communist witch hunt guy
Martha: I thought it came about after his red scare stuff as well
Cindee: No, it was during WWII. Red scare was after WWII. the point is, racism. Worf is in Starfleet, but we can’t trust him cause genes.
Martha: Or Data, cos circuits…
Cindee: Lmao, yes anyways, so the Klingons are on board
Martha: But to be fair Worf does get quite into these Klingons, he even does a lovely yell when one dies.
Cindee: Well, that doesn’t really bother me, people have death rituals
Martha: No it just felt he was copying them a bit
Cindee: Did he only start after they did?
Martha: Yes
Cindee: Ok
Martha. As with Lore in Datalore, the Klingons are given remarkable freedom on the ship, until we speak to big boss Klingon and we find out that actually these are rebels.
Cindee: Well, there’s a treaty. They’re allies
Martha: Well they don’t fully trust them as the damage to the ship is from Klingon weapons. (On a Ferengi ship… hmmm ok)
Cindee: Aaaaaand?
Martha: THEY KILL 2 PEOPLE
Cindee: When they were on the freighter?
Martha: No the Klingons killed two security people
Cindee: I forgot about that, and doesn’t Worf kinda defend them?
Martha: He acts incredibly neutral to them. Like, too neutral really considering. A mother and child come out of a lift and Yar says GO BACK! And then the Klingon picks a kid up, Yar calls in a hostage situation. The Klingon gives the kid to Worf and Worf puts her down AND THE MOTHER AND CHILD SQUEEZE PAST THE KLINGONS AND CONTINUE THEIR JOURNEY
Cindee: Lmao
Martha: No go back in the fucking lift!!!
Cindee: There’s a treaty! There’s nothing to fear!
Martha: And then Worf is all ‘it’s weak to take hostages, Klingons don’t do that’ But then the Klingons give up
Cindee: Are you sure he didn’t say it was dishonorable, thats what he calls most things.
Martha: And then Worf is all don’t kill them, let them free on a planet with massive fuck off monsters so they can fight to the death.
Cindee: Right, to die an honorable death.
Martha: Yes, And I’m pretty sure the boss is like ‘nope’
Cindee: If a Klingon doesn’t die in battle, they don’t go to Klingon heaven
Martha: If Klingons go to Klingon heaven…why do they scream to warn the others of a warrior incoming? If they’re all warriors…
Cindee: Cause, warriors are scary
Martha: Not if you’re a warrior too…
Martha: Erm so anyway Klingon boss is all ‘after you’re done being a SF Officer come join me’ And Worf is all like ‘I am honoured’
Cindee: Worf likes honor
Martha: And then Picard and Riker and everyone just stare at him, like him joining the Klingons would be a FUCKING TRAVESTY
Cindee: And he was like j/k.
Martha: hahahahaha, he was so like j/k.
Martha: Better luck next time, Wesley! That girl he was up against was basically you. Calling him obnoxious.
Cindee: Nah, if it was me, I’d have won
Martha: Yeah she sucked. All her smack talk was for nothing. She never even completed one round that we saw!!
Cindee: Well, girls can’t do math
Martha: I’m not sure why the kid at the start (who ran away terribly) thought he had a chance of getting in. The Aldeans didn’t even think you were special! Also, something vague is wrong with the enterprise!
Cindee: Yeah, let’s set that part aside for the moment. They are setting up another episode.
Martha: Riker has began his long love affair with the chair vault.
Cindee: Oh is this where it started?
Martha: Yes I think so. I’ve been keeping an eye out and he hasn’t so far!
Cindee: Interesting!
Martha: Anyway, Wesley threatens a massive guy with violence! I would imagine that would not end well for him.
Cindee: That is actually my most favorite part of the episode. This entire species has the same feelings about “curtesy.” Which is comical to me, because generally people think the behavior of their culture is curtesy and that others are violating it, when really they’re just following their own norms. But apparently this entire fucking species apparently has the same cultural norms!
Martha: Yeah. You’d assume there would be a general star fleet code though. Clearly based on superior humans.
Cindee: Well it always is. In case you haven’t picked up on it, humans = Americans
Martha: Also often Worf is told that his star fleet loyalties come before his Klingon culture
Cindee: Yes but Troi is not told that about her Betazoid culture
Martha: UH DUH COS ITS HELPFUL. Things only matter cos they’re helpful to humans…
Cindee: Like Americans!
Martha: So why does this guy get to be a dick? Though I guess we could pass it off as ‘it was alllll a test’
Cindee: Like I said, it is setting up another, worse episode
Martha: Which bit is a setup, the investigation?
Cindee: Yes
Martha: I feel like the lower ranked guy gets a bad deal. He is made to interrogate everyone on the paranoia of the admiral. Everyone hates him. Picard may as well have said ‘YOU WISH WHAT’ with his eye roll when he said he’d really like a job in the Enterprise. So his career prospects are tanked cos of some guy, who Picard still likes! I feel we as the audience are supposed to be like ‘you’ll never join our enterprise!!!’ But really that’s guys done nothing wrong!
Cindee: Cause he was following orders
Martha: Oh don’t Picard quote me. Don’t you dare.
Cindee:
Martha: Well, the list of Enterprise fuck ups and deaths speaks for itself!
Cindee: Anyways, Wesley is scared of his psychological exam, and Worf gives him a pep talk
Martha: Hahaha in the holodeck of all places
Cindee: Did the safety protocols go offline?
Martha: They didn’t but they never actually switched it on. Wesley was just hanging in the checkered room.
Cindee: That’s quite odd. And Worf just happens upon him? “Hmmmm, I’ll just wander into this holodeck to see if anyone is loitering in it”
Martha: I think Worf comes in for some RnR/ death wish action and is all ‘hullo Wesley!’
Cindee: Worf tells Wesley not to worry. Wesley does his thing and it’s about his dad of course
Martha: Soooooo. Did Picard not drag his dad through steam?! Did Picard leave his dad clinging to a pipe?
Cindee: Picard had to choose between two people
Martha: And because he fancied Dr. Crusher, he let her husband die?
Cindee: Sigh. Jack was his best friend!
Martha: So why did he let him die Cindee?
Cindee: that is never really explained
Martha: So you don’t know for sure that I’m wrong…
Cindee: Oh FFS. Next you’re gonna start spouting your theory that Picard is Wesley’s dad
Martha: He loves Wesley. It’s so obvious.
Cindee: He’s more like an uncle.
Martha: So anyways, Wesley follows Worf’s advice, and then doesn’t get into starfleet. So it’s Worf’s fault
Cindee: No, Wesley succeeds at the psych exam. its later that he loses.
Martha: It’s not really explained how. Blue guy is just better generally. And both girls sucked, obviously.
Cindee: Well yes, girls are bad at math. They probably don’t learn calculus until they’re 12 or something. Anyways, you should be glad, now he’ll stick around.
Martha: So it’s all good. And no one died! Wesley doesn’t get into Starfleet at age 16 or whatever.
Cindee Anyways, didn’t you kinda know he’d fail? Since, then he’d be gone? Off at the academy?
Martha: I didn’t know the nature of the training. Is it a literal ‘off to college you go’ school?
Cindee: Yes. 4 years, in San Fransisco.
Martha: What?! Noooo this cannot do. How long would it take to get back to Earth from where
Cindee: Not that long, they go back to Earth frequently
Martha: Ah okay.
Cindee: And in the meantime investigaty guy found nothing
Martha: Picard gives up a job in an episode set up which makes no sense to anyone who doesn’t know that. We just get a lot of people saying how marvelous Picard is!
Cindee: Which he isn’t . . . yet
Martha: Does this count as a holodeck episode?
Cindee: Not to me. The holodeck is involved, but it’s not the plot.
Martha: I disliked Riker this episode, honestly I didnt enjoy this episode all that much…
Cindee: I didn’t say you would!
Martha: Although i would like a “personal relaxation light” if you know what I mean…. seriously, what does it mean?
Cindee: Um. Wut.
Martha: You’re too busy looking at the bigger existential picture Cindee!!
Cindee: That is usually true
Martha: When they get to the big space station thats what Picard says he wants to do, put on his personal relaxation light and read a novel.
Cindee: I see
Martha: Worf and Yar are off playing ‘parrises squares’. I imagine many people are dead as Worf is taking it very seriously.
Cindee: Yeah why does Riker wander about the ship and see all the supporting characters before the main action? Perhaps so the actors don’t feel left out.
Martha: Hahahah! Yes Riker absolutely does go on a random wander just to check everyone has a job. Data is painting. Crusher is solving a disease. Troi doesn’t fucking exist.
Cindee: Yeah Data is always making paintings, I’m not sure what is up with that.
Martha: So Riker can make ‘hilarious’ quips about the blind man teaching the android to paint!
Cindee: Oh wow that’s nice and ableist. As for parrises squares, they always talk about it but never explain how it is played. Like they talk about it in all three series. Apparently it is really dangerous, though. Anyway my ride is here, I have to go…
Martha: Thats fine. I will just stew over Riker’s paint by numbers hot chick.
*interlude of solace and despair whilst Martha contemplates why she is doing this, and if Cindee will ever return*
Cindee: Where were we…
Martha: Okay! Let me get my notes!
Cindee: You took NOTES?
Martha: I take notes every episode. Otherwise I forget the good quotes SUCH AS ‘What’s a knockout like you doing in a computer generated gin bar like this?’
Cindee: What are you talking about, that’s a great pickup line. That’s how my husband and I met. He said that to me.
Martha: I hope he was leaning against something at the time
Cindee: Well, like Riker, he is a tall man.
Martha: Do we find it creepy that Riker had the holodeck rustle up his perfect physical woman?
Cindee: I find it creepy whenever a character has some sort of romance with a holodeck character
Martha: And then Picard walks in! It’s the equivalent of walking in on someone with a sex doll… but its totally normal! Yeah it’s super creepy especially as she knows exactly what she is too (unlike, I assume, the other holodeck characters?)
Cindee: Yeah most don’t, usually when they figure it out, we’ve got a damn holodeck episode on our hands.
Martha: Also I can really do without Riker playing the trombone. This is why it felt like a holodeck episode to me as it was fully of stupid holodeck stuff alongside the real world plot.
CIndee: Well. I’ve got some REALLY bad news for you. It’s one of his main character traits. There’s this one episode where Crusher is describing everyone, and that’s like the first thing she says about him.
Martha: Seriously?! The TROMBONE urgh. Okay I’m out Cindee. I WAS PROMISED SPACE ADVENTURE. BOLDY GOING WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. Not fucking trombones!!!
Cindee: Do you have something against trombones in particular, characters have to have personality traits for Crusher to explain in that episode.
Martha: Riker has this slightly creepy smiley eye thing, and whilst blowing a trombone his sexy eyes at the lady was just… I can’t!
Cindee: I keep telling you Martha, that’s how my husband and I met. STOP JUDGING US
Martha: So, potentially one of the worst almost disasters to happen to the ship so far, and where is Picard and his number one? ARSING ABOUT ON THE HOLODECK
Cindee: well, yes.
Martha: Typical. Like they’re upgrading the ship, they should not be on the ship, I don’t care if Riker is testing out the ‘upgrades’ get off the damn Enterprise!
Cindee: Well the bynars had it covered
Martha: I didnt mind that bit. They were okay. I don’t quite understand how Picard and Riker managed to download the planet back to the planet merely by looking at it, but that’s the least of my worries…
Cindee: Yeah I kinda like the Bynars themselves
Martha: Yeah they made sense overall. Plus they had snazzy information bum bags And who doesn’t love a bum bag?
Cindee: Is that a Britishism? Bum bag?
Martha: Hahaha yes. You call it a fanny pack. But a fanny is a vagina here. So we don’t call it that.
Cindee: oh wow. ok. This information will come in handy when I next visit England.
Martha: Hahah. Yes So yes we don’t mind the Bynars. I hope they don’t get in too much trouble from evil twin Picard.
Cindee: Evil twin Picard?
Martha: Yeah, the other bald captain who is like Picard’s evil twin because he has a beard. He also has a fancy name but I didn’t write it in my notes
Cindee: Dude. you’re thinking of TOS.
Martha: I am not I haven’t even seen it haha
Cindee: Where did you see this evil Picard?
Martha: ITS LIKE A GODDAMN MIRROR
Cndee: Welp. I forgot about THAT. Fun fact: as established by the mirror universe Spock, in Star Trek, goatee = EVIL
Martha: See he’s evil Picard!
Cindee: Right that’s why at first I was like “is she thinking of TOS or what?” What is the point of that guy?
Martha: He’s just there to like, tell them a bit about the Bynars, and also tell Data and Yar there are no more ships to go help the Enterprise.
Cindee: Wait and Data and Yar don’t notice the damn goatee?
Martha: Well they can’t start distrusting Riker in 10 or so episodes. Plot twist, that’s evil Riker…
Cindee: No, he has a full board, not a goatee
Martha: Hahaha okay! Wesley kiiiinda saves the day. Well he tries. Turns out it’s all a false alarm anyway
Cindee: Right, cause they just want to borrow the ship to download their computer files. The Enterprise is thus a flying flash drive
Martha: It’s the only half decent ship in the galaxy. Despite them having problems with the holodeck…. you don’t say Picard!! I continue to like Data. He was good this episode, evacuated everyone, felt super guilty about everything. I like him
Cindee: Well they aren’t downloading their planet into the holodeck
Martha: Because the holodeck is simply a sexy distraction!
Cindee: No, its a death trap
Martha: Why don’t they just board it up after like, the second death. And be like just watch a fucking movie okay?!
Cindee: They never learn…
Martha: The historian is dead (RIP) Wesley unleashed a snowball virus. Riker has ghonnorhea…
Cindee: They keep using them and things keep going wrong all the way through Voyager, Seriously, someone get on those safety protocols or the Russians are going to hack them so easily.
Martha: So yeah, I wish they had concentrated more on the Bynars. Perhaps more info about them and their planet and the space station they docked at. And none of this sexy holodeck jazz brotherly nonsense
Cindee: brotherly?
Martha: Brothel. My phone keeps changing brothel to brother. That’s not good.
Cindee: Yes, you probably frequently talk about brothels, so this will be a serious problem in the future… Anyway at the end, doesn’t Riker go back to the holodeck and now she’s no good?
Martha: Hahaha oh god yeah! Like I don’t get that, was Minuet like temporary? Why? How would that be a thing? And he tried ALL THE WOMEN but none were the same haha.
Cindee: I think the implication was that the Bynars had magically make the holodeck better, and now that they were gone it wasn’t again, which, why they’d take that away, I dunno.
Martha: Maybe because Riker was grossing them out. If I was Minuet I’d hot foot it out of the holodeck. Yeah like so she was a response to what he wanted whereas the holodeck normally just had pre programmed ‘characters’
Cindee: So, the holodeck read his damn mind?
Martha: Well he does say at some point she was saying exactly what he wanted her too. And Picard was saying how well she responded to… input. Poor Troi. No wonder she wasn’t in this episode!
Cindee: I sometimes wonder where Troi is when it would be handy for someone to be able to read people’s emotions… oh yeah doesn’t she talk in French to him?
Martha: Hahah yes she talks French to Picard…And Rikers all ‘hands off!!’ Haha
Cindee: Does HE say anything in french to indicate he is French, otherwise, why not just talk in a British accent.
Martha: No, she starts it from his name when he is introduced
Cindee: Oh, I see
Martha: But the holodeck isn’t healthy. No one will ever live up to Rikers perfect woman he created.
Cindee: I dunno, he seems to find other women to love
Martha: He’s a tart.
Cindee: A tart? Like, a pop tart?
Martha: Yes. A sexy pop tart.
Cindee: So, Q is back
Martha: As a three headed snake bubble. Which is just great!
Cindee: Well, Q can appear as anything.
Martha: As we are made painfully aware of throughout.
Cindee: Wait, did you LIKE this episode?
Martha: No I don’t.
Cindee: Whew, Q episodes, unlike Ferengi episodes, do actually get better… mostly
Martha: So, Q has taken a bit of a shine to Riker, (Let’s face it, who hasn’t), and is going to test him as some sort of elaborate plan not unlike the confusing elaborate plan of the pilot.
Cindee: That about sums it up
Martha: Spoilers – I assumed by the end that Q had upset the rest of the Q’s and was going to be, put in Q jail… I find the Q actor a little creepy.
Cindee: In what way?
Martha: I dunno, wide eyes and creepy smile when he’s in his various disguises.
Cindee: That’s quite the bizarre detail to nitpick at
Martha: I will nitpick at anything I can, and you can’t stop me!
Cindee: I wasn’t trying to stop you, I was nitpicking your nitpicking
Martha: So off they go to game island, I was actually looking forward to what they had planned for the game, Q was described multiple times as ‘creative’ so I was genuinely interested. Turns out the ‘game’ is dressed up ‘animal things’ trying to kill them. Not a game. Not a game AT ALL!
Cindee: What did you expect, Wizard Chess?
Martha: I’d have accepted anything that remotely resembled a game. Not Worf running at the ‘animal things’ (they call them animal things about 4 times) them using their fazers to blow up rocks and animal things.
Cindee: Well, to be fair, there was penalty box
Martha: THERE WAS NO RULES about the penalty box.
Cindee: Sure there was: one person at a time
Martha: The penalty box lasted 5 minutes. He said ‘penalty over’ yet Yar did not return? No one else went to the penalty box because there was no parameters set for penalty box admission! But, crying IS allowed in the penalty box.
Cindee: Hahah! So, you expected a character we already know to be fairly erratic and arbitrary not to be?
Martha: I wanted there to be some STORY to the episode. Not just ‘oh you guys are gonna get attacked in this game, then I’ll tell Riker I’ve gave him a power, and then he can save you guys because I’ve told him to, and then, more stuff’
Cindee: I don’t know where these expectations came from! What show have you been watching?
Martha: LMAO. I know, what’s wrong with me!? So, Ive accidentally spoiled myself when looking for a FB photo for the blog as I noticed all the cast photos have everyone BUT Yar, so I imagine she’s not long for this world…
Cindee: Maybe she’s just invisible
Martha: But today in ‘who does Yar fancy this episode?’ the answer is *drumroll* PICARD!!!!
Cindee: What makes you think she is into Picard?
Martha: When she’s in the penalty box, she makes it very clear.
Cindee: If you say so . . .
Martha: Okay you’re making me find it!
Cindee: *taps fingers, impatiently*
Martha: PICARD: Don’t worry. There’s a new ship’s standing order on the Bridge. When one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.
TASHA: Captain. Oh, if you weren’t a captain.
Q: Consorting with lower rank females, Captain? Especially ones in penalty boxes? Destructive to discipline, they say. But then again, you’re what? You’re only human? Penalty over.
Martha: And she makes googly eyes when she says it.
Cindee: Maybe it was non-romantic love
Martha: IN STAR TREK?? NO. Sexy parties, sexy planets, sexy Data. EVERYTHING IS SEXY
Cindee: Ok so anyways…
Martha: So Worf throws himself at the animal things, isn’t very successful at being a warrior. He then jumps at an exploded rock shouting drop your weapons at Riker, again, not a very succesful warrior.
Cindee: Well he’s young. You forgot about Picard spouting Shakespeare!
Martha: Meanwhile Q is on the Enterprise whilst the directors make the most out of the fact that Patrick Stewart did a lot of Shakespeare by making him reads loads of Shakespeare
Martha: I DID NOT!
Cindee: JINX
Martha: Definitely get that free Shakespeare in
Cindee: Yeah, they don’t stop doing that, by the by.
Martha: I’m into it. It’s fine. So, Riker gets Q powers, does some sexy laughing. Saves everyone, has a little chat with Q where Q seems to imply humans will evolve past Q and therefore they want a human to, help them grow?
Cindee: What was sexy about his laughing?
Martha: It’s Riker…. Everything he does is sexy, INCLUDING his sexy ignoring of Picard, his sexy calling him Jean Luc…
Cindee: I see
Martha: So I think the main amazingness of this episode is Riker granting everyone’s wishes.
Cindee: Sure, like a genie
Martha: La Forge’s is fairly standard, sight, and obviously he fancies the pants of Yar. Wesley apparently wanted to be 40 years old and still wearing the same jumper. Poor Wesley, he got killed AND rebuffed from the bridge in the same episode.
Cindee: Ok, I’m not an expert on going from being blind to not being blind, but I don’t think that it would be that simple. How would you know what anything you were looking at was?
Martha: Well, I suppose he has had some vision with all his different visor settings, so this is just a new ‘setting’
Cindee: I guess. Anyways, yes, Riker think Wesley wants to be old, and wear the same shirt.
Martha: Bless Wesley. Everyone’s immediate response to seeing him, even his own mother, is ‘Wesley we’re busy’ ‘Wesley this doesnt concern you’ So, Worf’s greatest wish OBVIOUSLY is a woman he can bang without destroying! However, sex appears to be, fighting??
Cindee: Ok, so there’s a couple things there: first, it is actually fairly well established later on that Worf is not a fan of casual sex
Martha: So, Riker was totally off base thinking he wanted a lady Klingon?
Cindee: Seems that way to me, as for the violence part, yes it is implied that Klingon sex is violent on many occasions.
Martha: In season 3 do they just start again and ignore the first two seasons ‘implications.’
Cindee: Not ENTIRELY…
Martha: Riker also states that Worf has ‘no connection to his people’ WHAT ABOUT THE TARG EH
Cindee: Ok, so yeah, Riker is assuming a lot of shit about Worf
Martha: Also, why dont they speak Klingon when she shows up, instead of just, growling?
Cindee: Like, why does he need a connection to “his people”? Why are “his people” even Klingons? He was raised by humans
Martha: Well he has said a few times that he’s a Klingon, like when he wanted to stay with Picard he said he cannot leave his captain as a Klingon, and Picard is all ‘YOU ARE A STAR FLEET OFFICER!!’ Plus Sash!
Cindee: Yes, I agree that Worf is all into being Klingon. I am just arguing that overall that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me
Martha: Does he speak Klingon? That would maybe explain the growling…
Cindee: He does speak Klingon. Who taught him? I dunno. You’re culturally British cause you were raised there. If you were raised here, you’d be culturally American. You wouldn’t be calling shirts jumpers.
Martha: But I would definitely have a traditionally British pet, like a Shetland pony
Cindee: Well obviously. That’s genetic
Martha: And I’d wear a traditional British garment at all times. Like, one of those bearskin hats. AND WHEN I HAD SEX WITH AMERICAN MEN I WOULD DESTROY THEM
Cindee: See, that’s what I’m saying, it makes no sense.
Martha: When was his background established? Because it’s all over the place right now.
Cindee: I feel like the implication is that in general, your genes or whatever have a much bigger impact on your environment, which I’m not on board with. Worf’s background, you learn bits a pieces here and there. He was raised by humans from a very young age. Eventually you’ll meet his parents. They’re walking stereotypes. There’s other details, but SPOILERS. So, that was all the wishes yeah? He wants to make Pinocchio a real boy but Data says no before he does it, yeah? Or actually, they’re not really wishes, they’re Riker’s assumptions of wishes
Martha: Data refuses the real boy yes haha. We don’t get to find out Yar’s wishes because they’re unsuitable for broadcast. Or Picards. Or Dr Crushers… but again, filth
Cindee: We haven’t found out what anyone wishes, just what Riker thinks they wish, and since Riker is very dumb . . .
Martha: That’s true. So yeah Picard calls out Q as a ‘flim flam man’ Riker apologises to Picard for being an idiot and he feels very silly, Picard replies ‘quite right so you should!’
Cindee: Well, Riker is an idiot. I mean, you’ve seen his thinking face
Martha: Hahahah! I like Riker. I don’t want him to get a beard.
Cindee: I dislike Riker.
Martha: Oh also Riker gets on a chair just fine so clearly that hasn’t started yet. INCONSISTENT
Cindee: Haha, ok, so, Riker’s an idiot, end of episode.
Martha: Have you decided to give a shit about our blog yet
Cindee: FFS woman, isn’t it late there?
Martha: It’s Saturday! And is it ever to late to talk about THIS NONSENSE
Cindee: Lol so… Justice
Martha: Okay firstly I haven’t managed to fully establish timelines from the star date log entries. I’m going to assume this is a while after the last episode?
Cindee: I have never once in my life thought to care about star dates.
Martha: I only care because to me, the loss of Singh weighs heavy on my heart. But no one else cares!
Cindee: Fair
Martha: So, my first and main issue comes fairly swiftly. They discuss what an ‘unusually lovely’ planet the find where everyone makes love at the drop of a hat ANY HAT! Smirks Yar the filthy bint. And what does Picard do immediately?!
Cindee: sends everyone down there to have sex?
Martha: ‘Wesley. Go see if that’s a nice place for young people to relax’
Cindee: Oh lol I forgot about that!
Martha: I’m going to suggest it’s a highly inappropriate place for young people Picard
Cindee: Well, to be fair, he doesn’t really understand children
Martha: And Riker is too busy thinking about his penis to intervene to stop you looking silly. (Riker you’re fired)
Cindee: I feel I should also point out it is a gross violation of the prime directive to have visited that planet at all
Martha: Oh Cindee you sweet summer child. The prime directive isn’t important until LATER! For now it’s sexy party episode 2: the entire planet
Cindee: Hence the irony
Martha: Now I’m not sure if it’s implied that Riker and Yar have already got their rocks off on their initial visit. I feel it’s heavily hinted at…
Cindee: you think so?
Martha: Are you being sarcastic? Am I being naive?
Cindee: No actually. I can’t tell… It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen it.
Martha: Well they’re both a little giggly. And they were the two in the initial party and they’re VERY happily received when they return…Troi gets some points back with her fantastic ‘shoulder pat’ when the guy nuzzles into her neck when she first meets him. Oh also Riker when they go down and they’re all about in their amazing outfits he goes. “They certainly are….. FIT” AND THEN THEY ALL RUN ABOUT
Cindee: Ok, so, yes, the episode is the super creepy sex episode. Established fact
Martha: Which bit in particular is creepy in Star Trek lore? Is it Wesley thinking he has to have sex?
Cindee: Lol you think he thinks he HAS to?
Martha: Is it Worf telling us he would DESTROY A HUMAN WOMAN and must restrain himself?
Cindee: He implies that several times throughout the franchise…
Martha: Oh so Wes, there’s an awkward moment when the girl is all ‘I want you to show me a game’ and poor Wesley is all ‘oh there are some games I don’t yet know about’ Then they all go for a lovely game of run and catch…
Cindee: Yeah that’s super super weird
Martha: I mean if Wesley had known he’d have chosen a better jumper as this jumper was terrible.
Cindee: hahaha, I’m not actually sure how old Wesley is supposed to be? 16?
Martha: How old do you have to be to go to Star Fleet academy? I realise he’s not there yet… or is he? Surely if he was the correct age he’d be there already. He has the smarts and connections.
Cindee: I dunno? 18? Like college? Point is, I have nothing against teenagers having sex, but I think it is creepy for an adult show to be making a thing of it.
Martha: Exactly! Even when he meets the lady she’s all ‘I don’t know your customs with young ones and love!’
Cindee: Okay s according to Memory Alpha he’s 15, so super creepy.
Martha: Definitely! Anyway, dialogue was generally a little hammy this episode, more than normal. Dr Crusher randomly interrupts people for seemingly no reason, she simply HAS to ask if everyone can go down to sexy planet.
Cindee: Right well, Picard wouldn’t have sex with her in the sexy party episode. Ok, so creepy sex show, but there’s also other things. Most of the episode isn’t about sex at all!
Martha: Oh so poor Worf, even tho he’s a creepy sexy destroyer. He got totally shot down this episode. He’s all ‘I reported that error’ And everyone’s all ‘ooooh what’s this error. What’s this?! Oooooh’
Martha: Oh I have more sex stuff. So when they first meet they’re basically dying to find a way to palm Wesley off on someone else so they can all go have creepy totally fine by the prime directive sexy time. Yar is anyone’s. She has fancied tonnes of people so far
Cindee: Sure, but same with Riker. It is also interesting we see absolutely no old people on this planet. It’s good Picard doesn’t go cause, since there’s no old people, that’d also be creepy
Martha: True. But he’s sexy Riker. Why didn’t Data get to go down. Surely as the sex robot he is he should have gone down. Though he’s busy having static alien balloons stuck to his head
Cindee: That does tend to occupy one’s time
Martha: Speaking of Picard, how old is he?
Cindee: well he was born in 2305, and it is now 2364, so 59.
Martha: He looks younger
Cindee: Well maybe he runs everywhere, too
Martha: Omg the running, ok, so Wesley runs off to play catch, and shows off his cartwheeling
Cindee: Meanwhile, Yar finds out that the peace and love people like capital punishment for ALL CRIMES!
Martha: And we see a suspicious white wall…. AND WHAT DOES A WHITE WALL MEAN
Cindee: I dunno, what does it mean?
Martha: That’s a forbidden area! Were told about it as Wesley hurtles over it
Cindee: oh right, cause you might disturb the flowers, Martha! I mean, you want flowers to grow, don’t you?
Martha: And the incredibly stiff mediators come over, running, naturally, to protect the flowers. Because Wesley is in a ‘punishment zone!’
Cindee: I mean, we have to discuss this capital punishment thing a minute more here.
Martha: What discussion is there to be had Cindee? Earth has decided that it’s bad therefore our rules are the best
Cindee: The show implies that Capital Punishment is totally effective! Hahahah if you want to live in a sexy world
Martha: And…I do. I truly do. Everyone is so fit. They all have sexy outfits. They run everywhere. There’s no crime… the plants are FINE
Cindee: But the show acts all liberal and then endorses a super conservative idea!
Martha: I mean it tries to turn tables on that by having them about to poison Wes for crimes against saplings But really that just enforced the idea that ‘it’s a bad idea for silly crimes’
Cindee: Yeah I know the show is overall anti-capital punishment, but I think they didn’t think it through very well, because its heavily implied that capital punishment is totally effective, when it so isn’t
Martha: Okay well Picard suddenly gets VERY bothered about the prime directive once he realises Wesley is in trouble.
Cindee: Even though he was totally cool with super duper breaking it just a few minutes ago. They get a little better at being more consistent with the prime directive over time…
Martha: Exactly. Like the sex is fine, them beaming down is fine, them beaming one of them UP is fine, but removing Wesley through beaming is NOT fine?
Cindee: Hahaha, well even if it was, god won’t allow it!
Martha: Well exactly, God didn’t allow it until a frankly crap speech
Cindee: You know there have been other episodes where they have said that they have to follow the laws of wherever they are, but they haven’t framed it as the prime directive in those.
Martha: And then the God was all ‘okay fine, I’ll sacrifice years of work with my children, I’ll leave them feeling quite upset and possibly go back to their previous violent lives, all cos this bald dude wants his kid back’ It didn’t make sense. He said something along the lines of ‘there is no justice if laws are absolute’ Well, why?
Cindee: I also wonder why god let them beam down in the first place. God has the power to stop beaming.
Martha: How many people on that planet have had people killed for breaking such rules in the past? But now God says ‘for him, for lovely Wesley Crusher, it’s fine’
Cindee: I thought it was implied that basically no one ever breaks rules, cause capital punishment is so fucking effective.
Martha: Anymore! But they had a transition period which made them ‘sad’ Though it’s not stated how long ago…
Cindee: Warning: this is definitely not the last time aliens worship other aliens as gods
Martha: Also in another example of Picard has no empathy, Wesley’s been imprisoned, Picard comes back with a sexy lady, and Dr Crusher is all ‘what’s happening with my son?’ and Picard doesn’t explain or give her any info AT ALL. He just leaves her hanging. Whilst he shows the alien the God ship. TAKE THAT PRIME DIRECTIVE!
Cindee: Well he didn’t want her to worry her pretty little head! Why DOES he show her the God ship anyways?
Martha: Cos HE wants to know what it is, Because it’s physical yet not, and there yet not etc
Cindee: Oh well, good reason…
Martha: It’s a purely selfish ‘what’s this eh?’ and she is really distressed by it, and the god nearly attacks them for messing with their children!
Cindee: Doesn’t she go up to the ship as a hostage anyways?
Martha: No. She does say that Basically Wesley is in prison. Picard’s like ‘he’s safe until sundown okay’ right so can someone come up with me? And she’s all I’ll go as a hostage to secure Wesley’s life. And Picard’s all ‘no I didn’t mean like that!’ I just want you to look at this god ship thing!!
Cindee: Lmao
Martha: So they go to the observation cupboard and she has a look.
Cindee: It is a really shitty god though, don’t you think? It could have intervened way earlier… and attack Data with bubbles
Martha: Well. It doesn’t do much You’re right in that it could stop them beaming. However it prefers to hide until they say ‘oi, thing off our starboard bow, what are you?!’ And then it’s all ‘heyyyyyyyyyyyy’
‘You’re not leaving any humans here are you like that other planet?’
And Picard’s like ‘nah not on this one, we just left some people on another one. That’s our mission!’ And then he kinda gets cross that this alien ship beat them to it
Cindee: Another reason the god is shitty in my opinion is that the people are terrified of it. What kind of a shitty god wants to scare the fuck out its worshippers. Random thought: so, they dropped some colonists off at a nearby planet, but didn’t know about this planet… implying that no one surveyed the area before deciding to colonize the other planet? That hardly seems like a good way of doing things
Martha: They seem fairly haphazard with what they do! And that’s an understatement
Cindee: Yeah, anywho, creepy sex planet, shitty god, prime directive bs
Martha: They still haven’t properly explained the prime directive to the audience. Probably because they don’t know what it is themselves…
Cindee: Maybe they assume it is known from TOS? Though it is inconsistent in that, too. There’s an episode in season 3 where they explain it a bit more in detail
Martha: Do they abide by it better afterwards
Cindee: They get pretty consistent with the part where you don’t mess with pre-warp cultures, they are still somewhat inconsistent beyond that.
Martha: Why is warp the benchmark?
Cindee: It is later implied that the Vulcans taught them not to bug pre warp people. MUCH later. Ok, but really good news, you’re almost a third of the way through the shitty first season! and then just make it through season 2 . . .
which is shorter cause of a writer’s strike!
Martha: Hooray!
Martha: P FOR PICARD!
Cindee: (no response)
Martha: OMG why are you not there?! I need to get this out quickly. I don’t have Troi to hypnotise me to remember all the things I have forgotten!
Cindee: Hahahahahaha. Ok, so, first thoughts?
Martha: My first overarching thought is ‘this made absolutely zero sense’
Cindee: Ok, true. But that’s your main objection here?
Martha: I mean I suppose as a ‘woke’ millennial (I’m too old to be a millennial) I should be most upset at them condescending and belittling the two random cultures they brought aboard
Cindee: Ok, first of all, you are so a millennial
Martha: IF YOU WANT ME TO SAY IM UPSET WITH SHERLOCK DATA I WONT
Cindee: Second of all, my main objection to Data and his pipe is not the pipe itself, but the fact that A MAN JUST DIED and everyone is all like “hahaha, who cares, Data is funny”
Martha: Oh god yes they barely touch on that
Cindee: THEY NEVER DO. At least usually they wait till the end of the episode for their light-hearted moment though
Martha: But it does explain why in two episodes both the chief engineer and the assistant chief engineer have changed since Naked Now. They’re just dying left right and centre!
Cindee: As much as I’d love to say it’s cause they’re racist, they never give a shit when anyone dies. My husband and I even have a running joke where at the end of the episode where they have their little light-hearted moment we both go “HA HA HA HA HA . . . people died”
Martha: I think he’s the first death. Well, that also extends to their alien counterparts. Yar rushes in to say ‘there’s blood everywhere and we can’t find a passenger’
Cindee: Yeah, I know right?
Martha: And Riker is all ‘CANT THIS WAIT ONE MINUTE PICARD IS BACK!!’
Cindee: They just find out that one of the aliens dying and about to be EATEN and they’re all like WHATEVER. They make this huge deal about how they’re all vegetarians, but oh well, that sentient being is gonna be eaten.
Martha: But Picard is back!!!! You’re just not seeing the bigger picture here Yar!
Cindee: Right, cause his physical form was saved in the pattern buffer. CAUSE THAT’S A THING.
Martha: None of it made any sense. Him beaming out into space. That being fine.
Cindee: And being one with a cloud
Martha: Him writing a P on LaForge’s terminal
Cindee: That’s the part that made the MOST sense
Martha: Him being able to ‘get into the ships circuits’
Cindee: Ok, but let’s rewind here
MarthaL Yeah there’s so much I have no order to my thoughts.
CindeeDid you not notice the part where Troi and Crusher talk to Worf about the memory loss he had, and he says he doesn’t remember having any memory loss?
Martha: Yes! And Troi hypnotises then and says ‘remember back to when you first remember having the feeling of having memory loss’
Cindee: With her fancy device
Martha: REMEMBER WHEN YOU FORGOT? Tell me about that!
Cindee: In the future, hypnosis is a legit thing, cause they perfected the technology.
Martha: Troi was the worst. I bought her ‘duality of man’ argument at first, why she didn’t report her feelings.
Cindee: you DID?
Martha: BUT THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER IT HAPPENS TO PICARD. And she says NOTHING
Cindee: She kinda gets a look on her face
Martha: A super helpful look. A look of ‘I should probably say something…. but… nah’ But, shout out to Worf’s electrocution acting
Cindee: Ok, so, speaking of which, he was in sensor control and Picard said sensors again
Martha: I didn’t have a problem with any pronunciation of sensors this time. It’s different…
Cindee: I see. Maybe earlier Patrick Stewart had legit never said the word before, and then everyone but Marina Sirtis was like “whatevs, prolly how British people said it” and then Sirtis eventually got around to telling him
Martha: She’s the only sensor they need
Cindee: You do know she’s British, right?
Martha: I did not!
Cindee: She made up some “other” accent that was supposed to be “alien”
Martha: Wesley has the same jumper on as last episode which is upsetting
Cindee: I’m sorry to tell you eventually he just wears the same shirt every day. What did you think of Dr. Crusher’s medical headgear?
Martha: Absolutely perfect! I see medical technology has improved so much
Cindee: To my knowledge, it is the only time she wears that contraption.
Martha: Well are they ever faced with an electrocution again? It seems highly specific
Cindee: Oh, which reminds me, back to our poor friend the assistant chief engineer, I like how no attempt is made to revive him
Martha: No he’s definitely dead
Cindee: Even now we’ve got CPR for that situation
MarthaL Unlike that alien that got poisoned who was dead and Crusher fixes her. And the traveler who she revived despite him being an utter unknown. This guy is definitely dead.
Cindee: Yeah they’re super inconsistent on when they try to revive someone and when they’re just like “nope, dead”
Martha: He was introduced simply to be killed off. He’s a red shirt! (I know that!) Oh also, in the pilot there was a curly haired guy who was on the bridge. He hasn’t been in it for a few episodes, now he’s relegated to ‘alien corridor escort’
Cindee: Oh you mean O’Brien?
Martha: I believe he had an Irish/Scottish accent so, almost certainly yes.
Cindee: Yeah, O’Brien is around for a while, but really struggles with what job he wants apparently. Also, his rank mysteriously changes several times
Martha: Well he’s done a terrible job at escorting the aliens through corridors, because ones being eaten as we speak
Cindee: yeah, well I think that was his only stint as alien escort man
Martha: Okay I’m trying to think of if there’s anything else. Oh! Wesley didn’t save the day but he would have were he given the chance!!!
Cindee: He would have? Oh right, the assistant chief engineer is like “go to class, captain’s orders!”
Martha: And how was he punished? DEATH. Are we certain Wesley didn’t do it?
Cindee: Good point. His revenge for being sent to class?
Martha: This is much darker than anticipated
Martha: Ze end of ze universe! She had a French accent!
Cindee: Alright alright
Martha: Sorry “French” Okay so I’ll go out on a limb and say this was the best episode so far?
Cindee: I hadn’t thought about it that way, I suppose it is.
Martha: However, it’s certainly not without things to discuss! First of all, in Naked Now the chief engineer was a woman. Now it’s a guy? Where has she gone?! It’s not even the deputy from Naked Now.
Cindee: In season 1, they change chief engineers like every 5 minutes. It’s kinda weird there isn’t a chief engineer among the main cast.
Martha: On a side note Wesley’s jumpers are a genuine delight. I hope there’s someone making them out there because I want them all.
Cindee: There is a particular one that ThinkGeek.com has made several items to look like
Martha: Fantastic, I would wear them all.
Cindee: Noted
Martha: So Wesley, or ‘the boy’ as he is mostly referred to. They seem to be setting him up as some child genius
Cindee: Really, what tipped you off?
Martha: Hah! He also gets the brunt of the random Picard angry outbursts this episode
“move!” “Don’t interrupt me!” “What is the boy doing here?!”
Cindee: What indeed…
Martha: Being the only character to actually know what’s going on, that’s what!
Cindee: Yeah that’ll get old fast though.
Martha: It makes me question the Star Fleet training!
Cindee: Like, it is meaningless or something? Cause this stupid boy can do all the things?
Martha: Well he’s the only one! So it’s both unnecessary and not fit for purpose
Cindee: Really he’s only an engineering genius, at the academy they have other topics.
Martha: Yet again Star fleet isn’t really following its own laws and is quite happy to kill an unknown alien to help themselves Which they have no knowledge of its physiology but can revive it at will whenever needed
Cindee: See, it’s Dr. Crusher who is the genius!
Martha:That’s where Wesley gets it from!
Cindee: I don’t remember them killing anyone this episode.
Martha: The time travel being, who says space and time and distance don’t exist, hey didn’t kill him. He was dying anyway or whatever, I get that
BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT. They’re warned repeatedly that he won’t last.
Cindee: You think he’s dead?
Martha: No I think he’s fazed off somewhere else.
Cindee: Well that’s not the same as dead at all
Martha: My point is they don’t know this. They even say ‘better get what you need fast’ when she revived him again. Yes they didn’t kill him but they were prepared to.
Cindee: hmmmm I don’t know about that
Martha: Don’t make me get the script, I WILL!
Cindee: hahahaha. I feel like the traveler is going to be just fineMartha: Oh I loved Worfs pet!
Cindee: So, you’re a targ fan. OK. Seems like a targ is about us un-cat-like as can be
Martha: Obviously
I like the idea that Worf walks around thinking about him
And Picard thinks about the ship not existing
And that other guy thinks about fire.
Cindee: I find the idea that Worf had a targ difficult to accept
Martha: Wasn’t he raised by humans…
Cindee: Exactly
Martha: Wikipedia, I have glanced at it
Cindee: Wait you can’t do that!
Martha: I wanted to see where he came from before you told me all Klingons are cool now. Forgive me
Cindee: WELL. Maybe you should make your blog with Wikipedia then!
Martha: That would probably be much more helpful. I’m glad you agree.
Cindee: I’m plenty helpful
Martha: Wikipedia agrees that Picard was willing to sacrifice the traveller…
Cindee: No it doesn’t.Marha: It can do in a minute…
Martha: Okay I enjoyed the terrible jokes
‘Shall we call Dr Crusher?’
‘Why? IS SOMEONE ILL?!?’
Chortle
Cindee: I can’t remember, did anyone die in this episode? Like, actually die, not fade away
Martha: Just Picard’s compassion…
Cindee: hahahaha ok, No one died. Well that’s unusual
Martha: I feel on the whole this was a good non problematic episode. However
There was a man in a miniskirt, and whilst I’d love to think ‘wow, ahead of the times here Star Trek!’ I feel that’s not the case…
Cindee: Well, I think they wanted to think that they were
Martha: By having men in miniskirts as well as ladies?
Cindee: Yes. Supposedly they were planning on making Geordi gay but then chickened out on that
Martha: Is men in skirts a thing in TOS?
Cindee: No, but being inconsistently ahead of the times sure was. ALL the women had short skirts.
Martha: In TNG are they defending TOS by saying ‘oh I’m sure some offscreen guys had skirts too!’
Cindee: oh you mean like retroactively?
Martha: Yeah I guess I’m assuming it happened as a reaction
Cindee: I think that they were trying to be forward thinking, I don’t know that they were retconning TOS though.
Martha: Well I’ve already brought up Troi’s pilot outfit, so I assume other people noticed all women in TOS has little skirts
Cindee: Right but sexism
Martha: Okay. Let me go out on a limb and say that Picard, Riker, Data, Worf, La Forge, never rock the mini…
Cindee: Well, spoilers, but correct
Martha: Hahaha so, forward thinking but only background characters
Cindee: Correct
Martha: Interesting about La Forge
Cindee: Yeah too bad they didn’t go through with it WIMPS
Martha: I’d have though the obvious 80s choice would be to have Yar be gay.
Female, short hair, good at fighting, must be gay!
Cindee: WELL aren’t we heteronormative!
Martha: 80’s Star Trek is the most heteronormative of all the Heteronorms that have ever normed this planet!
But yeah, I guess I don’t have much to say on this one! All in all a half decent sci fi episode?
Cindee: I guess . . . I’ve seen better
Martha: Well I haven’t YOUVE SEEN WHAT IVE SEEN And it has not been good! Of the 6 I’ve seen this is the best. Like we have space/time/distance not existing being introduced. Some interaction with other vessel staff, even though he’s a douche.
Cindee: Hmmm. Yeah I think it’s okay Let me check my ranking list…
it is ranked 127
Martha: Do you have a ranking for it out of season 1 alone? Or season 1/2 alone?
Cindee: Ranked by season? What kind of a freak would do that…
Martha: FERENGIS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING. I HOPE THEY ARE NEVER IN ANOTHER EPISODE. But I know they will be. URGH!
Cindee: Did you watch the whole thing yet?
Martha: Yes!
Cindee: So, yes the Ferengi are in lots more episodes, but they change a lot
Martha: They best do. They literally jumped around doing jazz hands for the last five minutes
Cindee: They were supposed to be the “big” enemy for TNG, but that didn’t work out cause they’re silly. Really, the only consistent thing from this episode to the rest is that they like valuables and they’re sexist and don’t let women wear clothes. In the future, instead of being menacing, they basically just become Republicans
Martha: Oh god. Third/fourth episode now where someone is shocked there’s a woman in the party.
Cindee: Like I said, aliens in Star Trek are sexist, and humans act like we are not. Kinda like how in the U.S. people complain about sexism elsewhere and act like it’s not a thing here.
Martha: So, Worf’s sash, what is this? No one else has one.
Cindee: It’s him being Klingon-y. It has his family crest or whatever on it I think.
Martha: I see! Data continues to be delightful, I enjoyed the Chinese finger traps as bizarre as the inclusion was
Cindee: Really? I thought that was pretty stupid
Martha: It was stupid in that it made no sense in the context, they’re paralysed by an unknown entity, their life support is going to fail but LOL Data’s fingers are stuck. But in isolation I enjoyed it.
Cindee: Well in the grand tradition of our friendship, we are on opposite ends here. I dislike Data.
Martha: Well I’m only 4 episodes in and currently he’s a good foil to Picard who is too aggressive and serious currently.
Cindee: Touche. I just find some things about Data make no sense. Like him not knowing any idioms. I mean there are idiom books now, so there must be some in the future right? Unless they were all lost in WWIII?
Martha: I guess he needs a ‘thing’ if he’s perfect AI then, other than being a walking plot device (aka encyclopaedia) what purpose does he have (except sex robot…)
Cindee: I get him not getting human behavior . . but idioms?
Martha: I feel the prime directive was thrown out of the window this episode, despite it being a constant theme of it with Riker using it to show the humans worthiness to the Guardian of the (something) empire.
Cindee: The prime directive is WILDLY inconsistently applied in general.
Martha: So, my issue here, as soon as they find out that they are not in fact outgunned by the Ferengi, they immediately manipulate them and lie to them. (Which makes Picard’s little speech about trust pretty hypocritical). He forces them to break their cultural desire not to give visual communications.
Cindee. Hahaha. That’s not a thing in future episodes.
Martha: I mean even if it is a lie, they don’t know that. They claim to know nothing about the Ferengi
Cindee: Touche
Martha: They were happy for Yar to fight to the death to respect a culture last episode! I just found it a bit strange that they lie and manipulate, only back down on the lie when the Ferengi find out they are lying, and then say ‘wooooah don’t you trust us?!’ And then have Riker bang on about the prime directive in the same episode.
Cindee: Well, supposedly the prime directive applies differently to warp-capable species and non-warp-capable species. I always wondered if the people in Code of Honor were warp capable. It’s not clear.
Martha: Is that to do with the ‘don’t expose them to tech’ idea (from the movie don’t shoot me…)
Cindee: One of those shitty new movies? Unlike SOME people I can handle new movies that I don’t like being created in a favorite franchise without FREAKING OUT
Martha: Oh are you Star Wars shaming me?! ARE YOU?
Cindee: I sure am.
Martha: I found the insertion of ‘earth history that’s not a thing really’ a bit confusing. Maybe I wasn’t listening. We had ‘Yankee traders’ who were like, space pirates with a bit more honour. An Uncle Sam reference and then a random Picard soliloquy on the colours of the French flag…
Cindee: What? I don’t remember ANY of that. So, what’s not a thing? Uncle Sam is a thing and France does have a flag that has colors
Martha: Hahahah! Okay so they described the Ferengis as Yankee traders, which they explain as a sort of space merchant sailor who roamed around space in history looking for stuff to trade (but dodgy trade). Riker calls them his forbearers. And then someone mentions red white and blue and Picard is all ‘ahhhh, but in France we have it the right way, blue, white, red…’
Cindee: In his British accent?
Martha: Yes, all dreamily to himself. And then Data starts listing other red white and blue flags and RUINS THE MOMENT
Cindee: Fun fact: in Star Trek, all French people have British accents
Martha: Well that’s bizarre.
Cindee: Maybe in the future, you all will conquer France
Martha: It’s on my to do list
Cindee: Apparently though, you’ll let them keep their flag
Martha: On the subject of accents, does the ship have ‘sense oars’ or does Picard just say sensors weirdly..
Cindee: So, that’s not how you say it?
Martha: Well obviously…
Cindee: You’re probably unaware of this, not being an expert like me, but some British people pronounce words differently than other British people
Marth: I agree, and whilst I am no expert, no British person says ‘sensOARS’ with so much emphasis on the second syllable. I’ve checked with them all. Lastly, I think the only thing I really have to add was them ‘going to have a conference evaluation. Which is basically ‘let’s have a chat in this cupboard’
Cindee: wait wut
Martha: and you call yourself a trekkie… Picard said ‘lets have a conference evaluation’ and all of the characters that had names went into this little side cupboard to discuss what to do!’
Cindee: I mean they have conferences all the time, but not in a cupboard
Martha: Okay it was a tiny room, off the bridge. And considering he took 90% of the people on the bridge it made no sense
Cindee: It wasn’t this room?
Martha: Yes. It just didn’t seem necessary, unless they didn’t want those pesky no name computer guys to hear
Cindee: Well that room is not a cupboard. It’s plenty big.
Martha: But is it necessary.
Cindee: You don’t like to sit down around a table to discuss things at work? You prefer to have all conversations haphazardly wherever you happen to be? I mean Yar doesn’t even have a chair. All the other chairs on the bridge are facing the same direction.
Martha: Okay I see your point. But they didn’t sit down, they just stood around in the not-a-cupboard.
Cindee: I see.
Martha: Troi was useless this episode.
Cindee: Well that’s nothing new. Was Troi able to read their minds? In later episodes they claim Betazoids can’t read Ferengis.
Martha: Well in this episode her sense were blocked entirely by something, either the Ferengis or the force field. I don’t want more Ferengis.
Cindee: Well, sucks to be you. Like I said, they do change. They become Republicans.
Martha: Less jazz hands, more paying off porn stars?
Cindee: They are republicans in the sense that they are obsessed with capitalism
Martha: Money and naked ladies – checks out