The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog
The blog where Martha watches an episode of Star Trek and then talks about it with her Trekkie friend Cindee
Martha: Hi. We’ve been incredibly inconsistent with this prime directive stuff so here is an episode where we beat you about the head with it in order to further your understanding
Cindee: hahahahaha. I feel like their answer in this one actually made some sense though? It’s been a while admittedly…
Martha: Yeah, and there was some initial intrigue! I felt the plot was fairly obvious once it got going but it was interesting
Continue reading “Just Say No (AKA Symbiosis)”Martha: OMG GET EXCITED
Cindee: ?
Martha: We have a new chief engineer!
Cindee: Oh lol, yeah.
Martha: I’m sure that’s our fourth hahaha. He didn’t die though! But I’m sure we’ll never see him again
Cindee: Ok, so I take it you watched the Arsenal of Freedom.
Martha: I have indeed! Of all the ’21st century Earth was terrible’ i think sadly the ‘peace through superior firepower’ is the most accurate so far
Cindee: Hahaha, probably true
Martha: But unlike humans who sorted themselves out in time to fix it, because humans rock, this planet has wiped itself out.
Cindee: correct
Martha: Leaving only deadly weapons at every turn
Cindee: And a robot to sell them.
Martha: So Yar decides ‘definitely better get down to that’ What could possibly go wrong. Everything. Everything Yar.
Cindee: Hahaha. So, first things first. I just want to say, for the record: Deanna Troi’s rank is Lt. Commander. She outranks LaForge AND Logan
Martha: yes but… Cindee. SHES SUPER ANNOYING
Cindee: Logan seems pretty annoying, too
Martha ‘As the ship counsellor its my job to interrupt you and say ‘the new guys are nervous we are being SHOT AT BY AN INVISIBLE SUPER AWESOME SHOOTING THING’ no shit Troi. I wont hear a thing about chief engineer no4! He is absolutely the 4th best candidate for the job!
Cindee: Maybe, but she outranks him
Martha: Well Logan outranked LaForge right? 2 dots vs a dot and a half
Cindee: Yes
Martha: But, Picard said Geordi was the boss, soooooo. MAIN CAST CINDEE, why do we even care about anyone else?
Cindee: Troi is the main cast, she’s a Lt. Commander
Martha Okay LaForge is trained in command, military AND navigation and engineering
Cindee: Troi went to Starfleet academy
Martha: Troi is good at ‘ooooh I feel that maybe were gonna get shot at’
Cindee: I don’t know that I agree that LaForge is trained in military
Martha: He’s RED CINDEE, navigation and command and fighting…
Cindee: Navigation and command, fighting is yellow.
Martha: Haha Riker fights!
Cindee: But it isn’t his job, he just does it on the side
Martha: Honestly i feel the colours are very blurred, you said Geordi is a super good engineer too.
Cindee: yeah they get more clear next season
Martha: Geordi is multifaceted, whereas Troi doesn’t even have a colour
Cindee: Well she’s SUPPOSED to be wearing blue.
Martha: She gave up her right to be the boss of the ship when she didn’t wear her uniform and 2 and a half pips, plus clearly Picard likes La Forge, he’s left him in charge twice now. PLUS HE UNDERSTANDS HIM NOW. He’s seen through his eyes….
Cindee: lolololol ok, so Picard erroneously leaves LaForge in charge and beams down and falls in a hole with Crusher
Martha: Wooooah wait a minute. Riker meets a guy called Rice(r) and has some fantastic bants
Cindee: about the good ship lollipop
Martha: Like I dont know where ‘yo momma’ jokes started But I’d like to think it was with Riker… Rice is all ‘who sent you’ and Riker replies ‘YOUR MOMMA’
Cindee: I don’t think that those are related…
Martha: (I think he technically says your mother but Im calling it regardless) but yes, the good old Lollipop is indeed a good ship. That was some pretty snazzy alien tech to be fair. Shame they couldn’t actually buy some…
Cindee: Yeah so Yar keeps outsmarting them or whatever
Martha: She fires her fazer and it works ONCE. Data does most of the smartsing
Cindee: Meanwhile, Picard and Crusher fall in a hole
Martha: Why are you so obsessed with this hole! I’m just glad Picard didn’t ‘omg fall on top of the lady’
Cindee: Also, if those things are so fancy, why can’t they fucking aim,
they’re worse than storm troopers!
Martha: And they dont even have that genuine war syndrome thing to blame…
Cindee: Oh and the hole, I just think it is a stupid plot point to fall in a hole
Martha: Well of course it is, and Crusher somehow manages to fall UNDER some pretty heavy sand…
Cindee: I know, how did that occur exactly? I’m no physicist, but . . .
Martha: We’re supposed to think it fell with her from the walls or the top I guess
Cindee: Ok, fine
Martha: But Picard, being a manly man, was not so afflicted by this sand so we get treated to Picard’s bedside manner STAY AWAKE. THATS AN ORDER
Cindee: so Crusher is covered in sand and tells Picard how to do basic first aid, which one would think he’d know…
Martha: Erm no. Basic first aid has been cured. Nobody needs it anymore
Cindee: Meanwhile, she uses her knowledge of roots from ANOTHER PLANET to identify one on this one that could be useful
Martha: ALL YELLOW PLANTS ARE FINE
Cindee: And Picard tastes it and it’s yellow so naturally…
Martha: How dare you question her Grandmother’s knowledge. So we now know Crusher once lived on some planet where I guess everyone died… except Crusher and her grandma…
Cindee: They all did, they all have some horrible tragic past.
Martha: I’m still waiting on La Forge’s. And Riker’s. And Picard’s! I cant wait to learn of their emotional turmoil
Cindee: ha, well, I’d tell ya, but SPOILERS
Martha: oh, guess what happens when they fall down the hole… It’s a literal RIP to the lab cardigan
Cindee: Lab coat
Martha: I thought we agreed on lab cardigan
Cindee: You agreed on lab cardigan… its not like she can’t get another one
Martha: Im sure Troi has a massive fucking unused stash she can have ‘these are all brand new in the packet’
Cindee: What on earth are you talking about? She can just replicate a new one
Martha: They havent used the replicators yet! I dont think anyway…
Cindee: Huh? Interesting
Martha: If something like fizzles into view is that the replicator? cos the Klingons got themselves some food like that.
Cindee: Yes
Martha: Okay the Klingons replicated food then. They knew how it worked. Maybe Worf told them after the yelling…but I’m not aware of it being made a point of yet.
Cindee: Well, the odd thing is, different aliens all seem capable of using each others technology without instruction all the time
Martha: Well, I do not know the technology. I am but a primitive alien
Cindee: What you can and cannot replicate seems to change for the convenience of the plot
Martha: Well thats fair enough haha. Anyway, I think its a good job Geordi is left in charge because Geordi is the only person who remembers the ship separates.
Cindee: Well that’s true.
Martha: AND he knows that theres always time for a log!
Cindee: seriously, they almost never separate it and they almost always should! Well ya gotta have logs
Martha: Picard knows no one else will bother with a log whilst they’re being shot at by an invisible massively powerful alien and all their shields are down and most of the senior staff are stuck on a planet where they cant beam off being shot at by similar powerful things…
WELL would YOU separate if you got the reception La Forge got? I left you this ship in one piece! FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT! HOW ABOUT A WELL DONE PICARD??
Cindee: Wait, what?
Martha: How about a pat on the back? When he comes back Picard is all ‘when I left this ship was in one piece, sort it out’
Cindee: oh well he was joking!
Martha: and its his ‘hahaha’ way with Riker which has absolutely no humour to it half the time. He is rubbish at joking!
Cindee: Well he is still learning
Martha: he is getting there. if he wasn’t as aggressive the rest of the time I could take his jokes as jokes haha. Oh I forgot about Data rescuing them from the convenient hole. Oh, also, contrary to popular believe (very) white men CAN jump (down holes…)
Cindee: That’s the title of a movie, not a popular belief
Martha: I take all my beliefs from Woody Harrelson movies. Twinkies are gods gift to food, and, other stuff.
Cindee: you are now making pop culture references I do not understand
Martha In Zombieland he’s obsessed with finding a twinkie as they are the only food which can survive an apocalypse, or something…
Cindee: Also, can’t believe you didn’t complain about the lack of Wesley..
Martha: Hahah after ‘Coming of Age’ I’m due for a break….
Cindee: So, some Klingons show up, and they’re not fans of the treaty
Martha: Can we go back a second, What is the neutral zone? And why can’t anyone go in it?
Cindee: Well it’s a bit weird, cause in TOS the neutral zone is an area of space between the Klingon Empire and Federation. In TNG its the same thing, but with the Romulans
Martha: I could understand no battle ships. But this was a freight ship?
Cindee: No one can go in the neutral zone. NO ONE
Martha: Okay
Cindee: I mean, in theory
Martha: So yes, they go aboard and find Klingons.I have many issues with this episode. Mostly with your friend Picard.
Cindee: Well he’s not my friend yet
Martha
Martha: Hahaha, So Geordie has a way to transmit his vision to the bridge.
Cindee: ooooh right, that was a thing in this episode, and then they never spoke of it again
Martha: and now Picard can FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM. Because you can’t understand someone unless you know how they see things visually.
Cindee: Correct, that’s why Tony doesn’t understand me, he has perfect vision, I wear glasses. Eventually, it’ll lead to divorce.
Martha: And what’s that red human shaped thing?!
Cindee: Riker
Martha: Oh… Riker.. Come on Picard!
Cindee: So yeah, pretty ableist
Martha: It just was weirdly worded They could have been like ‘oh so this is what you can see! The strength of the metal, the heat signals, cool!’
Not ‘now I know who he is… I had no idea before!’
Cindee: It’s like when they have kids use a wheelchair or blindfold themselves or whatever and then think they understand what it is like to be disabled.
Martha: Hahahahaha yeah basically
Cindee: No you don’t, you don’t know how to operate a damn wheelchair, so of course its superweird for you…
Martha: Yes it was very silly
Cindee: Yes, and then they never spoke of it again…
Martha: Well the signal got overloaded. Forever… OH, We have another fantastic ask of Data from Riker.
Cindee: which is?
Martha:
Riker: How do we get to the engine room?
Data: There are several paths to the engine room, all of which are equally dangerous
Riker: Well which is the least dangerous?!’
RIKER DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT EQUALLY MEANS!
Cindee: Lol, I have tried to explain to you that he’s not that bright
Martha: Hahaha he really isn’t!
Cindee: Did he have his thinking face?
Riker: No he was mad. He was mad because he was sick of Picard being all
‘Look at Data!’
‘Look at some fire!’
‘Look at Riker!!’
Treating poor Geordi like an eye puppet
Cindee: Wait, Riker is mad at ableism and so asked Data a stupid question later?
Martha: No he didn’t have a thinking face cos he was too annoyed for it…
Cindee: There is this one episode where for medical reasons, Riker is having trouble concentrating. aAnyways I am like HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT THAN NORMAL. Like theres like a whole minute of him just making lots of thinking faces and looking confused
Martha: That. Sounds.Amazing. Im sure it won’t be… Anyway, so we find some
Klingons, and beam them back. WITH SOME ADDED PERIL OF AN EXPLOSION. But somehow they beam fine
Cindee: Saved by the transporter, as always. Transporters are fucking magical,
Martha: Sooooo the Klingons are here, and just like Datalore we now distrust Worf!
Cindee: Lmao, yeah, it is funny cause they act like people will be loyal to their “kind” over their actual socialization
Martha: Like seriously. I hope some dodgy French people don’t come aboard cos now we won’t trust Picard!
Cindee: It’s really actually racist, if you think about it. it assumes people’s intentions, behavior, etc are like built into their genes or something.
Martha. It’s just very odd and it makes you think that they’re not really good friends and teammates!!
Cindee: But you know, humans are Americans, and it was only 70 years ago we were like “lets distrust these Japanese American citizens!!!”
Martha: Hurray for Joseph McCarthy!
Cindee: um, I don’t think that was McCarthy. McCarthy was the communist witch hunt guy
Martha: I thought it came about after his red scare stuff as well
Cindee: No, it was during WWII. Red scare was after WWII. the point is, racism. Worf is in Starfleet, but we can’t trust him cause genes.
Martha: Or Data, cos circuits…
Cindee: Lmao, yes anyways, so the Klingons are on board
Martha: But to be fair Worf does get quite into these Klingons, he even does a lovely yell when one dies.
Cindee: Well, that doesn’t really bother me, people have death rituals
Martha: No it just felt he was copying them a bit
Cindee: Did he only start after they did?
Martha: Yes
Cindee: Ok
Martha. As with Lore in Datalore, the Klingons are given remarkable freedom on the ship, until we speak to big boss Klingon and we find out that actually these are rebels.
Cindee: Well, there’s a treaty. They’re allies
Martha: Well they don’t fully trust them as the damage to the ship is from Klingon weapons. (On a Ferengi ship… hmmm ok)
Cindee: Aaaaaand?
Martha: THEY KILL 2 PEOPLE
Cindee: When they were on the freighter?
Martha: No the Klingons killed two security people
Cindee: I forgot about that, and doesn’t Worf kinda defend them?
Martha: He acts incredibly neutral to them. Like, too neutral really considering. A mother and child come out of a lift and Yar says GO BACK! And then the Klingon picks a kid up, Yar calls in a hostage situation. The Klingon gives the kid to Worf and Worf puts her down AND THE MOTHER AND CHILD SQUEEZE PAST THE KLINGONS AND CONTINUE THEIR JOURNEY
Cindee: Lmao
Martha: No go back in the fucking lift!!!
Cindee: There’s a treaty! There’s nothing to fear!
Martha: And then Worf is all ‘it’s weak to take hostages, Klingons don’t do that’ But then the Klingons give up
Cindee: Are you sure he didn’t say it was dishonorable, thats what he calls most things.
Martha: And then Worf is all don’t kill them, let them free on a planet with massive fuck off monsters so they can fight to the death.
Cindee: Right, to die an honorable death.
Martha: Yes, And I’m pretty sure the boss is like ‘nope’
Cindee: If a Klingon doesn’t die in battle, they don’t go to Klingon heaven
Martha: If Klingons go to Klingon heaven…why do they scream to warn the others of a warrior incoming? If they’re all warriors…
Cindee: Cause, warriors are scary
Martha: Not if you’re a warrior too…
Martha: Erm so anyway Klingon boss is all ‘after you’re done being a SF Officer come join me’ And Worf is all like ‘I am honoured’
Cindee: Worf likes honor
Martha: And then Picard and Riker and everyone just stare at him, like him joining the Klingons would be a FUCKING TRAVESTY
Cindee: And he was like j/k.
Martha: hahahahaha, he was so like j/k.