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Keep Off The Grass! (AKA Justice)

Martha: Have you decided to give a shit about our blog yet

Cindee: FFS woman, isn’t it late there?

Martha: It’s Saturday! And is it ever to late to talk about THIS NONSENSE

Cindee: Lol so… Justice

Martha: Okay firstly I haven’t managed to fully establish timelines from the star date log entries. I’m going to assume this is a while after the last episode?

Cindee: I have never once in my life thought to care about star dates.

Martha: I only care because to me, the loss of Singh weighs heavy on my heart. But no one else cares!

Cindee: Fair

Martha: So, my first and main issue comes fairly swiftly. They discuss what an ‘unusually lovely’ planet the find where everyone makes love at the drop of a hat ANY HAT! Smirks Yar the filthy bint. And what does Picard do immediately?!

Cindee: sends everyone down there to have sex?

Martha: ‘Wesley. Go see if that’s a nice place for young people to relax’

Cindee: Oh lol I forgot about that!

Martha: I’m going to suggest it’s a highly inappropriate place for young people Picard

Cindee: Well, to be fair, he doesn’t really understand children

Martha: And Riker is too busy thinking about his penis to intervene to stop you looking silly. (Riker you’re fired)

Cindee: I feel I should also point out it is a gross violation of the prime directive to have visited that planet at all

Martha: Oh Cindee you sweet summer child. The prime directive isn’t important until LATER! For now it’s sexy party episode 2: the entire planet

Cindee: Hence the irony

Martha: Now I’m not sure if it’s implied that Riker and Yar have already got their rocks off on their initial visit. I feel it’s heavily hinted at…

Cindee: you think so?

Martha: Are you being sarcastic? Am I being naive?

Cindee: No actually. I can’t tell… It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen it.

Martha: Well they’re both a little giggly. And they were the two in the initial party and they’re VERY happily received when they return…Troi gets some points back with her fantastic ‘shoulder pat’ when the guy nuzzles into her neck when she first meets him. Oh also Riker when they go down and they’re all about in their amazing outfits he goes. “They certainly are….. FIT” AND THEN THEY ALL RUN ABOUT

Cindee: Ok, so, yes, the episode is the super creepy sex episode. Established fact

Martha: Which bit in particular is creepy in Star Trek lore? Is it Wesley thinking he has to have sex?

Cindee: Lol you think he thinks he HAS to?

Martha: Is it Worf telling us he would DESTROY A HUMAN WOMAN and must restrain himself?

Cindee: He implies that several times throughout the franchise…

Martha: Oh so Wes, there’s an awkward moment when the girl is all ‘I want you to show me a game’ and poor Wesley is all ‘oh there are some games I don’t yet know about’ Then they all go for a lovely game of run and catch…

Cindee: Yeah that’s super super weird

Martha: I mean if Wesley had known he’d have chosen a better jumper as this jumper was terrible.

Cindee: hahaha, I’m not actually sure how old Wesley is supposed to be? 16?

Martha: How old do you have to be to go to Star Fleet academy? I realise he’s not there yet… or is he? Surely if he was the correct age he’d be there already. He has the smarts and connections.

Cindee: I dunno? 18? Like college? Point is, I have nothing against teenagers having sex, but I think it is creepy for an adult show to be making a thing of it.

Martha:  Exactly! Even when he meets the lady she’s all ‘I don’t know your customs with young ones and love!’

Cindee: Okay s according to Memory Alpha he’s 15, so super creepy.

Martha: Definitely! Anyway, dialogue was generally a little hammy this episode, more than normal. Dr Crusher randomly interrupts people for seemingly no reason, she simply HAS to ask if everyone can go down to sexy planet.

Cindee: Right well, Picard wouldn’t have sex with her in the sexy party episode. Ok, so creepy sex show, but there’s also other things. Most of the episode isn’t about sex at all!

Martha: Oh so poor Worf, even tho he’s a creepy sexy destroyer. He got totally shot down this episode. He’s all ‘I reported that error’ And everyone’s all ‘ooooh what’s this error. What’s this?! Oooooh’

Martha: Oh I have more sex stuff. So when they first meet they’re basically dying to find a way to palm Wesley off on someone else so they can all go have creepy totally fine by the prime directive sexy time. Yar is anyone’s. She has fancied tonnes of people so far

Cindee: Sure, but same with Riker. It is also interesting we see absolutely no old people on this planet. It’s good Picard doesn’t go cause, since there’s no old people, that’d also be creepy

Martha: True. But he’s sexy Riker. Why didn’t Data get to go down. Surely as the sex robot he is he should have gone down. Though he’s busy having static alien balloons stuck to his head

Cindee: That does tend to occupy one’s time

Martha: Speaking of Picard, how old is he?

Cindee: well he was born in 2305, and it is now 2364, so 59.

Martha: He looks younger

Cindee: Well maybe he runs everywhere, too

Martha: Omg the running, ok, so Wesley runs off to play catch, and shows off his cartwheeling

Cindee: Meanwhile, Yar finds out that the peace and love people like capital punishment for ALL CRIMES!

Martha: And we see a suspicious white wall…. AND WHAT DOES A WHITE WALL MEAN

Cindee:  I dunno, what does it mean?

Martha: That’s a forbidden area! Were told about it as Wesley hurtles over it

Cindee: oh right, cause you might disturb the flowers, Martha! I mean, you want flowers to grow, don’t you?

Martha: And the incredibly stiff mediators come over, running, naturally, to protect the flowers. Because Wesley is in a ‘punishment zone!’

Cindee: I mean, we have to discuss this capital punishment thing a minute more here.

Martha: What discussion is there to be had Cindee? Earth has decided that it’s bad therefore our rules are the best

Cindee: The show implies that Capital Punishment is totally effective! Hahahah if you want to live in a sexy world

Martha: And…I do. I truly do. Everyone is so fit. They all have sexy outfits. They run everywhere. There’s no crime… the plants are FINE

Cindee: But the show acts all liberal and then endorses a super conservative idea!

Martha: I mean it tries to turn tables on that by having them about to poison Wes for crimes against saplings But really that just enforced the idea that ‘it’s a bad idea for silly crimes’

Cindee: Yeah I know the show is overall anti-capital punishment, but I think they didn’t think it through very well, because its heavily implied that capital punishment is totally effective, when it so isn’t

Martha: Okay well Picard suddenly gets VERY bothered about the prime directive once he realises Wesley is in trouble.

Cindee:  Even though he was totally cool with super duper breaking it just a few minutes ago. They get a little better at being more consistent with the prime directive over time…

Martha: Exactly. Like the sex is fine, them beaming down is fine, them beaming one of them UP is fine, but removing Wesley through beaming is NOT fine?

Cindee: Hahaha, well even if it was, god won’t allow it!

Martha: Well exactly, God didn’t allow it until a frankly crap speech

Cindee: You know there have been other episodes where they have said that they have to follow the laws of wherever they are, but they haven’t framed it as the prime directive in those.

Martha: And then the God was all ‘okay fine, I’ll sacrifice years of work with my children, I’ll leave them feeling quite upset and possibly go back to their previous violent lives, all cos this bald dude wants his kid back’ It didn’t make sense. He said something along the lines of ‘there is no justice if laws are absolute’ Well, why?

Cindee: I also wonder why god let them beam down in the first place. God has the power to stop beaming.

Martha: How many people on that planet have had people killed for breaking such rules in the past? But now God says ‘for him, for lovely Wesley Crusher, it’s fine’

Cindee: I thought it was implied that basically no one ever breaks rules, cause capital punishment is so fucking effective.

Martha: Anymore! But they had a transition period which made them ‘sad’ Though it’s not stated how long ago…

Cindee: Warning: this is definitely not the last time aliens worship other aliens as gods

Martha: Also in another example of Picard has no empathy, Wesley’s been imprisoned, Picard comes back with a sexy lady, and Dr Crusher is all ‘what’s happening with my son?’ and Picard doesn’t explain or give her any info AT ALL. He just leaves her hanging. Whilst he shows the alien the God ship. TAKE THAT PRIME DIRECTIVE!

Cindee: Well he didn’t want her to worry her pretty little head! Why DOES he show her the God ship anyways?

Martha: Cos HE wants to know what it is, Because it’s physical yet not, and there yet not etc

Cindee: Oh well, good reason…

Martha: It’s a purely selfish ‘what’s this eh?’ and she is really distressed by it, and the god nearly attacks them for messing with their children!

Cindee: Doesn’t she go up to the ship as a hostage anyways?

Martha: No. She does say that Basically Wesley is in prison. Picard’s like ‘he’s safe until sundown okay’ right so can someone come up with me? And she’s all I’ll go as a hostage to secure Wesley’s life. And Picard’s all ‘no I didn’t mean like that!’ I just want you to look at this god ship thing!!

Cindee: Lmao

Martha: So they go to the observation cupboard and she has a look.

Cindee: It is a really shitty god though, don’t you think? It could have intervened way earlier… and attack Data with bubbles

Martha: Well. It doesn’t do much You’re right in that it could stop them beaming. However it prefers to hide until they say ‘oi, thing off our starboard bow, what are you?!’ And then it’s all ‘heyyyyyyyyyyyy’
‘You’re not leaving any humans here are you like that other planet?’
And Picard’s like ‘nah not on this one, we just left some people on another one. That’s our mission!’ And then he kinda gets cross that this alien ship beat them to it

Cindee: Another reason the god is shitty in my opinion is that the people are terrified of it. What kind of a shitty god wants to scare the fuck out its worshippers. Random thought: so, they dropped some colonists off at a nearby planet, but didn’t know about this planet… implying that no one surveyed the area before deciding to colonize the other planet? That hardly seems like a good way of doing things

Martha: They seem fairly haphazard with what they do! And that’s an understatement

Cindee: Yeah, anywho, creepy sex planet, shitty god, prime directive bs

Martha: They still haven’t properly explained the prime directive to the audience. Probably because they don’t know what it is themselves…

Cindee: Maybe they assume it is known from TOS? Though it is inconsistent in that, too. There’s an episode in season 3 where they explain it a bit more in detail

Martha: Do they abide by it better afterwards

Cindee: They get pretty consistent with the part where you don’t mess with pre-warp cultures, they are still somewhat inconsistent beyond that.

Martha: Why is warp the benchmark?

Cindee: It is later implied that the Vulcans taught them not to bug pre warp people. MUCH later. Ok, but really good news, you’re almost a third of the way through the shitty first season! and then just make it through season 2 . . .
which is shorter cause of a writer’s strike!

Martha: Hooray!

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P for Picard (AKA Lonely Among Us)

Martha: P FOR PICARD!

Cindee: (no response)

Martha: OMG why are you not there?! I need to get this out quickly. I don’t have Troi to hypnotise me to remember all the things I have forgotten!

Cindee: Hahahahahaha. Ok, so, first thoughts?

Martha: My first overarching thought is ‘this made absolutely zero sense’

Cindee: Ok, true. But that’s your main objection here?

Martha: I mean I suppose as a ‘woke’ millennial (I’m too old to be a millennial) I should be most upset at them condescending and belittling the two random cultures they brought aboard

Cindee: Ok, first of all, you are so a millennial

Martha: IF YOU WANT ME TO SAY IM UPSET WITH SHERLOCK DATA I WONT

Cindee: Second of all, my main objection to Data and his pipe is not the pipe itself, but the fact that A MAN JUST DIED and everyone is all like “hahaha, who cares, Data is funny”

Martha: Oh god yes they barely touch on that

Cindee: THEY NEVER DO. At least usually they wait till the end of the episode for their light-hearted moment though

Martha: But it does explain why in two episodes both the chief engineer and the assistant chief engineer have changed since Naked Now. They’re just dying left right and centre!

Cindee: As much as I’d love to say it’s cause they’re racist, they never give a shit when anyone dies. My husband and I even have a running joke where at the end of the episode where they have their little light-hearted moment we both go “HA HA HA HA HA . . . people died”

Martha: I think he’s the first death. Well, that also extends to their alien counterparts. Yar rushes in to say ‘there’s blood everywhere and we can’t find a passenger’

Cindee: Yeah, I know right?

Martha: And Riker is all ‘CANT THIS WAIT ONE MINUTE PICARD IS BACK!!’

Cindee: They just find out that one of the aliens dying and about to be EATEN and they’re all like WHATEVER. They make this huge deal about how they’re all vegetarians, but oh well, that sentient being is gonna be eaten.

Martha: But Picard is back!!!! You’re just not seeing the bigger picture here Yar!

Cindee: Right, cause his physical form was saved in the pattern buffer. CAUSE THAT’S A THING.

Martha: None of it made any sense. Him beaming out into space. That being fine.

Cindee: And being one with a cloud

Martha: Him writing a P on LaForge’s terminal

Cindee: That’s the part that made the MOST sense

Martha: Him being able to ‘get into the ships circuits’

Cindee: Ok, but let’s rewind here

MarthaL Yeah there’s so much I have no order to my thoughts.

CindeeDid you not notice the part where Troi and Crusher talk to Worf about the memory loss he had, and he says he doesn’t remember having any memory loss?

Martha: Yes! And Troi hypnotises then and says ‘remember back to when you first remember having the feeling of having memory loss’

Cindee: With her fancy device

Martha: REMEMBER WHEN YOU FORGOT? Tell me about that!

Cindee: In the future, hypnosis is a legit thing, cause they perfected the technology.

Martha: Troi was the worst. I bought her ‘duality of man’ argument at first, why she didn’t report her feelings.

Cindee: you DID?

Martha: BUT THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER IT HAPPENS TO PICARD. And she says NOTHING

Cindee: She kinda gets a look on her face

Martha: A super helpful look. A look of ‘I should probably say something…. but… nah’ But, shout out to Worf’s electrocution acting

Cindee: Ok, so, speaking of which, he was in sensor control and Picard said sensors again

Martha: I didn’t have a problem with any pronunciation of sensors this time. It’s different…

Cindee: I see. Maybe earlier Patrick Stewart had legit never said the word before, and then everyone but Marina Sirtis was like “whatevs, prolly how British people said it” and then Sirtis eventually got around to telling him

Martha: She’s the only sensor they need

Cindee: You do know she’s British, right?

Martha: I did not!

Cindee: She made up some “other” accent that was supposed to be “alien”

Martha: Wesley has the same jumper on as last episode which is upsetting

Cindee: I’m sorry to tell you eventually he just wears the same shirt every day. What did you think of Dr. Crusher’s medical headgear?

Martha: Absolutely perfect! I see medical technology has improved so much

Cindee: To my knowledge, it is the only time she wears that contraption.

Martha: Well are they ever faced with an electrocution again? It seems highly specific

Cindee: Oh, which reminds me, back to our poor friend the assistant chief engineer, I like how no attempt is made to revive him

Martha: No he’s definitely dead

Cindee: Even now we’ve got CPR for that situation

MarthaL Unlike that alien that got poisoned who was dead and Crusher fixes her. And the traveler who she revived despite him being an utter unknown. This guy is definitely dead.

Cindee: Yeah they’re super inconsistent on when they try to revive someone and when they’re just like “nope, dead”

Martha: He was introduced simply to be killed off. He’s a red shirt! (I know that!) Oh also, in the pilot there was a curly haired guy who was on the bridge. He hasn’t been in it for a few episodes, now he’s relegated to ‘alien corridor escort’

Cindee: Oh you mean O’Brien?

Martha: I believe he had an Irish/Scottish accent so, almost certainly yes.

Cindee: Yeah, O’Brien is around for a while, but really struggles with what job he wants apparently. Also, his rank mysteriously changes several times

Martha: Well he’s done a terrible job at escorting the aliens through corridors, because ones being eaten as we speak

Cindee: yeah, well I think that was his only stint as alien escort man

Martha: Okay I’m trying to think of if there’s anything else. Oh! Wesley didn’t save the day but he would have were he given the chance!!!

Cindee: He would have? Oh right, the assistant chief engineer is like “go to class, captain’s orders!”

Martha: And how was he punished? DEATH. Are we certain Wesley didn’t do it?

Cindee: Good point. His revenge for being sent to class?

Martha: This is much darker than anticipated

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Ze End Of Ze Universe! (aka Where No One Has Gone Before)

Martha: Ze end of ze universe! She had a French accent!

Cindee: Alright alright

Martha: Sorry “French” Okay so I’ll go out on a limb and say this was the best episode so far?

Cindee: I hadn’t thought about it that way, I suppose it is.

Martha: However, it’s certainly not without things to discuss! First of all, in Naked Now the chief engineer was a woman. Now it’s a guy? Where has she gone?! It’s not even the deputy from Naked Now.

Cindee: In season 1, they change chief engineers like every 5 minutes. It’s kinda weird there isn’t a chief engineer among the main cast.

Martha: On a side note Wesley’s jumpers are a genuine delight. I hope there’s someone making them out there because I want them all.

Related image

Cindee: There is a  particular one that ThinkGeek.com has made several items to look like

Martha: Fantastic, I would wear them all.

Cindee: Noted

Martha: So Wesley, or ‘the boy’ as he is mostly referred to. They seem to be setting him up as some child genius

Cindee: Really, what tipped you off?

Martha: Hah! He also gets the brunt of the random Picard angry outbursts this episode
“move!” “Don’t interrupt me!” “What is the boy doing here?!”

Cindee: What indeed…

Martha: Being the only character to actually know what’s going on, that’s what!

Cindee: Yeah that’ll get old fast though.

Martha: It makes me question the Star Fleet training!

Cindee: Like, it is meaningless or something? Cause this stupid boy can do all the things?

Martha: Well he’s the only one! So it’s both unnecessary and not fit for purpose

Cindee: Really he’s only an engineering genius, at the academy they have other topics.

Martha: Yet again Star fleet isn’t really following its own laws and is quite happy to kill an unknown alien to help themselves Which they have no knowledge of its physiology but can revive it at will whenever needed

Cindee: See, it’s Dr. Crusher who is the genius!

Martha:That’s where Wesley gets it from!

Cindee: I don’t remember them killing anyone this episode.

Martha: The time travel being, who says space and time and distance don’t exist, hey didn’t kill him. He was dying anyway or whatever, I get that
BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT. They’re warned repeatedly that he won’t last.

Cindee: You think he’s dead?

Martha: No I think he’s fazed off somewhere else.

Cindee: Well that’s not the same as dead at all

Martha: My point is they don’t know this. They even say ‘better get what you need fast’ when she revived him again. Yes they didn’t kill him but they were prepared to.

Cindee: hmmmm I don’t know about that

Martha: Don’t make me get the script, I WILL!

Cindee: hahahaha. I feel like the traveler is going to be just fineMartha: Oh I loved Worfs pet!

Image result for star trek targ

Cindee: So, you’re a targ fan. OK. Seems like a targ is about us un-cat-like as can be

Martha: Obviously
I like the idea that Worf walks around thinking about him
And Picard thinks about the ship not existing
And that other guy thinks about fire.

Cindee: I find the idea that Worf had a targ difficult to accept

Martha: Wasn’t he raised by humans…

Cindee: Exactly

Martha: Wikipedia, I have glanced at it

Cindee: Wait you can’t do that!

Martha: I wanted to see where he came from before you told me all Klingons are cool now. Forgive me

Cindee: WELL. Maybe you should make your blog with Wikipedia then!

Martha: That would probably be much more helpful. I’m glad you agree.

Cindee: I’m plenty helpful

Martha: Wikipedia agrees that Picard was willing to sacrifice the traveller…

Cindee: No it doesn’t.Marha: It can do in a minute…

Martha: Okay I enjoyed the terrible jokes
‘Shall we call Dr Crusher?’
‘Why? IS SOMEONE ILL?!?’
Chortle

Cindee: I can’t remember, did anyone die in this episode? Like, actually die, not fade away

Martha: Just Picard’s compassion…

Cindee: hahahaha ok, No one died. Well that’s unusual

Martha: I feel on the whole this was a good non problematic episode. However
There was a man in a miniskirt, and whilst I’d love to think ‘wow, ahead of the times here Star Trek!’ I feel that’s not the case…

Cindee: Well, I think they wanted to think that they were

Martha: By having men in miniskirts as well as ladies?

Cindee: Yes. Supposedly they were planning on making Geordi gay but then chickened out on that

Martha: Is men in skirts a thing in TOS?

Cindee: No, but being inconsistently ahead of the times sure was. ALL the women had short skirts.

Martha: In TNG are they defending TOS by saying ‘oh I’m sure some offscreen guys had skirts too!’

Cindee: oh you mean like retroactively?

Martha:  Yeah I guess I’m assuming it happened as a reaction

Cindee: I think that they were trying to be forward thinking, I don’t know that they were retconning TOS though.

Martha: Well I’ve already brought up Troi’s pilot outfit, so I assume other people noticed all women in TOS has little skirts

Cindee: Right but sexism

Martha: Okay. Let me go out on a limb and say that Picard, Riker, Data, Worf, La Forge, never rock the mini…

Cindee: Well, spoilers, but correct

Martha: Hahaha so, forward thinking but only background characters

Cindee: Correct

Martha: Interesting about La Forge

Cindee:  Yeah too bad they didn’t go through with it WIMPS

Martha: I’d have though the obvious 80s choice would be to have Yar be gay.
Female, short hair, good at fighting, must be gay!

Cindee: WELL aren’t we heteronormative!

Martha: 80’s Star Trek is the most heteronormative of all the Heteronorms that have ever normed this planet!
But yeah, I guess I don’t have much to say on this one! All in all a half decent sci fi episode?

Cindee: I guess . . . I’ve seen better

Martha: Well I haven’t YOUVE SEEN WHAT IVE SEEN And it has not been good! Of the 6 I’ve seen this is the best. Like we have space/time/distance not existing being introduced. Some interaction with other vessel staff, even though he’s a douche.

Cindee: Hmmm. Yeah I think it’s okay Let me check my ranking list…
it is ranked 127

Martha: Do you have a ranking for it out of season 1 alone? Or season 1/2 alone?

Cindee: Ranked by season? What kind of a freak would do that…

Image result for picard facepalm

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Jazz Hands! (AKA The Last Outpost)

Martha: FERENGIS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING. I HOPE THEY ARE NEVER IN ANOTHER EPISODE. But I know they will be. URGH!

Cindee: Did you watch the whole thing yet?

Martha: Yes!

Cindee: So, yes the Ferengi are in lots more episodes, but they change a lot

Martha: They best do. They literally jumped around doing jazz hands for the last five minutes

Cindee: They were supposed to be the “big” enemy for TNG, but that didn’t work out cause they’re silly. Really, the only consistent thing from this episode to the rest is that they like valuables and they’re sexist and don’t let women wear clothes. In the future, instead of being menacing, they basically just become Republicans

Martha: Oh god. Third/fourth episode now where someone is shocked there’s a woman in the party.

Cindee: Like I said, aliens in Star Trek are sexist, and humans act like we are not. Kinda like how in the U.S. people complain about sexism elsewhere and act like it’s not a thing here.

Martha: So, Worf’s sash, what is this? No one else has one.

Cindee: It’s him being Klingon-y. It has his family crest or whatever on it I think.

Martha: I see! Data continues to be delightful, I enjoyed the Chinese finger traps as bizarre as the inclusion was

Cindee: Really? I thought that was pretty stupid

Martha: It was stupid in that it made no sense in the context, they’re paralysed by an unknown entity, their life support is going to fail but LOL Data’s fingers are stuck. But in isolation I enjoyed it.

Cindee: Well in the grand tradition of our friendship, we are on opposite ends here. I dislike Data.

Martha: Well I’m only 4 episodes in  and currently he’s a good foil to Picard who is too aggressive and serious currently.

Cindee: Touche. I just find some things about Data make no sense. Like him not knowing any idioms. I mean there are idiom books now, so there must be some in the future right? Unless they were all lost in WWIII?

Martha: I guess he needs a ‘thing’ if he’s perfect AI then, other than being a walking plot device (aka encyclopaedia) what purpose does he have (except sex robot…)

Cindee: I get him not getting human behavior . . but idioms?

Martha: I feel the prime directive was thrown out of the window this episode, despite it being a constant theme of it with Riker using it to show the humans worthiness to the Guardian of the (something) empire.

Cindee: The prime directive is WILDLY inconsistently applied in general.

Martha: So, my issue here, as soon as they find out that they are not in fact outgunned by the Ferengi, they immediately manipulate them and lie to them. (Which makes Picard’s little speech about trust pretty hypocritical). He forces them to break their cultural desire not to give visual communications.

Cindee. Hahaha. That’s not a thing in future episodes.

Martha: I mean even if it is a lie, they don’t know that. They claim to know nothing about the Ferengi

Cindee: Touche

Martha: They were happy for Yar to fight to the death to respect a culture last episode! I just found it a bit strange that they lie and manipulate, only back down on the lie when the Ferengi find out they are lying, and then say ‘wooooah don’t you trust us?!’ And then have Riker bang on about the prime directive in the same episode.

Cindee: Well, supposedly the prime directive applies differently to warp-capable species and non-warp-capable species. I always wondered if the people in Code of Honor were warp capable. It’s not clear.

Martha:  Is that to do with the ‘don’t expose them to tech’ idea (from the movie don’t shoot me…)

Cindee: One of those shitty new movies? Unlike SOME people I can handle new movies that I don’t like being created in a favorite franchise without FREAKING OUT

Martha: Oh are you Star Wars shaming me?! ARE YOU?

Cindee: I sure am.

Martha: I found the insertion of ‘earth history that’s not a thing really’ a bit confusing. Maybe I wasn’t listening. We had ‘Yankee traders’ who were like, space pirates with a bit more honour. An Uncle Sam reference and then a random Picard soliloquy on the colours of the French flag…

Cindee: What? I don’t remember ANY of that. So, what’s not a thing? Uncle Sam is a thing and France does have a flag that has colors

Martha: Hahahah! Okay so they described the Ferengis as Yankee traders, which they explain as a sort of space merchant sailor who roamed around space in history looking for stuff to trade (but dodgy trade).  Riker calls them his forbearers. And then someone mentions red white and blue and Picard is all ‘ahhhh, but in France we have it the right way, blue, white, red…’

Cindee: In his British accent?

Martha: Yes, all dreamily to himself. And then Data starts listing other red white and blue flags and RUINS THE MOMENT

Cindee: Fun fact: in Star Trek, all French people have British accents

Martha: Well that’s bizarre.

Cindee: Maybe in the future, you all will conquer France

Martha: It’s on my to do list

Cindee: Apparently though, you’ll let them keep their flag

Martha: On the subject of accents, does the ship have ‘sense oars’ or does Picard just say sensors weirdly..

Cindee: So, that’s not how you say it?

Martha: Well obviously…

Cindee: You’re probably unaware of this, not being an expert like me, but some British people pronounce words differently than other British people

Marth: I agree, and whilst I am no expert, no British person says ‘sensOARS’ with so much emphasis on the second syllable. I’ve checked with them all.  Lastly, I think the only thing I really have to add was them ‘going to have a conference evaluation. Which is basically ‘let’s have a chat in this cupboard’

Cindee: wait wut

Martha: and you call yourself a trekkie… Picard said ‘lets have a conference evaluation’ and all of the characters that had names went into this little side cupboard to discuss what to do!’

Cindee: I mean they have conferences all the time, but not in a cupboard

Martha: Okay it was a tiny room, off the bridge. And considering he took 90% of the people on the bridge it made no sense

Cindee: It wasn’t this room?

Martha: Yes. It just didn’t seem necessary, unless they didn’t want those pesky no name computer guys to hear

Cindee: Well that room is not a cupboard. It’s plenty big.

Martha: But is it necessary.

Cindee: You don’t like to sit down around a table to discuss things at work? You prefer to have all conversations haphazardly wherever you happen to be? I mean Yar doesn’t even have a chair. All the other chairs on the bridge are facing the same direction.

Martha: Okay I see your point. But they didn’t sit down, they just stood around in the not-a-cupboard.

Cindee: I see.

Martha: Troi was useless this episode.

Cindee: Well that’s nothing new. Was Troi able to read their minds? In later episodes they claim Betazoids can’t read Ferengis.

Martha: Well in this episode her sense were blocked entirely by something, either the Ferengis or the force field.  I don’t want more Ferengis.

Cindee: Well, sucks to be you. Like I said, they do change. They become Republicans.

Martha: Less jazz hands, more paying off porn stars?

Cindee: They are republicans in the sense that they are obsessed with capitalism

Martha: Money and naked ladies – checks out

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Sexy Party Disease (AKA The Naked Now) and Calloused Feelings (things you need if you want to successfully watch Code of Honor)

Martha : Okay so first I have questions about the sexy party episode, and general questions.  So, as you know I know nothing about Star Trek, for example I had no idea it was a travelling ‘community’ rather than just a crew exploring new planets. Like the families and everything. Is that new for TNG and does it continue throughout the whole thing?

 

Cindee: It is new for TNG. DS9 also has families. VOY sort of does, but not on purpose.

 

Martha: Is that not dangerous? Toting families around whilst they go and fight the Borg and whatever other big baddies are gonna turn up?

 

Cindee: Oh yeah it’s extremely dangerous. Also, you know how in Encounter at Farpoint, they separate the ship into two parts to keep some people out of harm’s way? Yeah, well there are about a million times in the future where it would have made lots of sense to separate the ship to keep people safe. But they basically never do it.

 

Martha: I guess I don’t see the purpose of anyone other than the crew being on the ship. A space station or, god forbid, Farpoint Station, sure, but why on the ship?!

 

Cindee: No clue, so that Picard could have some children to be afraid of?
Martha: It’s okay he has Riker so he doesn’t make an ass of himself.
YOU HAVE ONE JOB RIKER! Okay so let’s just sputter out my sexy party issues. As you know I watched it again for, terrible reasons. I kinda love Data. I love that his version of a wild party is bendy straws scattered about the Tsiokovsky, aka sexy party death ship where  they partied themselves into a sexy grave…Also, am I to assume the ‘ships stores’ have pretty much anything the plot requires? Such as super skimpy outfits for Yar…

 

Cindee: Oh, she probably replicated that

 

Martha: She goes to visit Troi for clothing advice (COS WOMAN) and then she’s all ‘oh the ships stores will have what I need’

 

Cindee: Oh really? Ok that’s not a thing later on in the series, they just replicate the stuff they need.

 

Martha: We shall ignore the sexy Data occurrence. I want to know more of her backstory without it being a quite seedy segue into her wanting to bang Data.

 

Cindee: more of Yar’s backsory?

 

Martha: Yeah
Cindee: Hmm, ok

 

Martha: Well I guess I’m torn on Yar. On the one hand she started off as a good antidote to Troi’s ‘emotional sensitive woman’ spiel, but in Code of Honour she pissed me off, the pair of them!

 

Cindee: Is there anyone in Code of Honor who didn’t piss you off? ‘cause, that episode is pretty messed up all around.

 

Martha: Wesley…

 

Cindee: 😀

 

Martha: I’d like to think Michael Dorn noped on out of there which is why no Worf.
Cindee: yeah I dunno why he wasn’t in the episode.

 

Martha: To my knowledge it wasn’t referenced.  So, I mean there are clear issues with the depiction of this culture which are ‘primitive’ and believe in abducting people as a jolly good laugh

 

Cindee: And that they are for some inexplicable reason all black!
Martha: Also ‘they’ll evolve out of it’
Cringe.

 

Cindee: Right, and I don’t know how much you know about the Jim Crow era in the south in the U.S., but a lot of the moral panic that white people had about black people is that they thought that black men were out to get white women, so here we have an episode with a black guy kidnapping a white woman.

 

Martha: But, you do find him attractive though Cindee? This guy who just kidnapped you, and who has held you prisoner. Kinda dreamy right?

 

Cindee: Hah!  Wait, does Yar say she finds him attractive at some point?

 

Martha: She says it TWICE! Troi makes her say it by telling everyone she can tell she fancies him, and then she says it again later on!!

 

Cindee: Wow, I think I was so distracted by the blatant racism that I didn’t notice the sexism. So Yar basically has Stockholm Syndrome…

 

Martha: Oh the sexism is RIFE!

 

Don’t get me wrong the racism is strong and it is there but it definitely clouds the sexism, we need to look at both! Both are literally referred to as ‘Highly pleasant but unimportant’

 

Cindee: I agreed, both are an issue. Who said that?

 

Martha: Yutan. The ‘leader’ though it turns out that the women own all the land and whoever’s ‘wife’ has the most land is the leader So, they tried? Do we count that as a try?

 

Cindee: Oh right. Well that’s part of a long tradition in Star Trek of other cultures being sexist and us pretending ours isn’t. And  no, that does not count as a try ?

 

Martha: In the frankly AMAZING pole dancing fight to the death at the end the leader isn’t bothered if his wife dies as it means he will get the land
(which his friend reminds him of and he smiles, but then the wife still leaves her husband for his friend at the end!)

 

Cindee: I had forgotten all these details. I mostly just remembered the racism and never watched it again.

 

Martha: The fight is amazing. There are many poles and at the start they literally slalom between them like dogs at agility courses, how that helps them in this fight I don’t know Plus the leaders wife, Yareena  has an amazing sparkly fight jumpsuit.

 

Cindee: And, this is a rip off of a TOS episode in many ways, though I don’t think that one had the racism

 

Martha: Why are they doing that? Two episodes in a row, not counting the pilot

 

Cindee: Fan service?

 

Martha: Is it a service to just remake what people have already seen…
Oh that’s a question I have. Are the characters roughly comparable?

 

Cindee: Hmm, good question, I mean, Data is Spock
Martha: Yeah so, Picard/Kirk? Data/Spock…
Cindee: I think I read somewhere once that Picard and Riker were supposed to be the two halves of Kirk or something stupid like that.
Like Picard is the principled half and Riker is the sexy half.

 

Martha: Well speaking of I’m not looking forward to Riker’s goatee.
Cindee: You prefer beardless Riker? I think I associate beardless Riker with shitty episodes in my mind

 

Martha: Oh random Picard outburst of the day, when asking Wes to come onto the bridge (to get in his mums good books/pants) and he doesn’t immediately rush to go the one places he’s been told not to Picard is suddenly shouting ‘IS THE WHOLE SHIP DEAF?!?’ which I thought you would appreciate!

 

Cindee: Oh yeah, I love me some audism

 

Martha: Also, Wesley’s jumpers = fantastic!

 

Cindee: Wesley goes through all sorts of great outfits

 

Martha: I’m glad Troi’s less skimpy uniform has stayed at least two episodes

 

Cindee: She also has tons of wardrobe changes.  Eventually some guy makes Troi put on an actual uniform and they act like that guy is some sort of monster for doing so. But, spoilers. They let Dr. Crusher have a uniform though!

 

Martha: Okay so did Picard kill her husband? Or was it kinda his fault?
What is that backstory!

 

Cindee: Oh right, Jack Crusher. Picard didn’t kill him, but he died under his command.

 

Martha: So to allay his guilt he is clearly gong to get with Dr Crusher?

 

Cindee: Um, spoilers!

 

Martha: He has hit on her in three episodes out of three!
I mean the pilot is reaching but I thought Wesley was maybe his kid cos he was so awkward and his whole ‘I HATE KIDS RIKER HELP’ speech

 

Cindee: Haha, Wesley is not his kid

 

Martha: THAT WE KNOW OF SO FAR. There’s a new season with Picard right
Who knows what will out…

 

Cindee: touché.

 

Martha: OH MAN WE HAVE TO COME BACK TO CALLOUSED FEELINGS! CALLOUSED FEELINGS CINDEE

 

Cindee: What are you rambling on about?

 

Martha: Dr Crusher says something about seeing death too much. And she wishes doctors got callouses on their feelings so they didn’t feel them anymore, and Picard’s all ‘maybe good doctors never get calloused feelings’

 

Cindee: Oh wow…

 

Martha: Okay one last thing!

Giving them a horse as a gift, and they give zero shits about the horse. He moves it away from himself immediately!

 

Cindee: Why DID they give him the horse anyways?

 

Martha: Like as an example of our ancient culture and how we have ~similarities~ They weren’t impressed with it. Though I do like Data correcting Picard

 

Cindee: Well then you’re gonna love this show!

 

Until the next time…

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These Apples Are Too Good! (AKA Encounter at Farpoint)

Martha: So time to get excited, Martha has started watching Star Trek on Netflix….

Cindee: Which one?

Martha: Okay so I’m hoping I’ve got this right. I’m watching TNG right now.

Cindee: Do you feel a strong need to have watched them all? Cause if not, skip straight to season 3. Seasons 1 and 2 are complete shit.

Martha: Oh, thank god.  I was like what the fuck is this? Why does Cindee like this so bad?

Cindee: I’d have to say, of the three TNG era Star Treks, TNG by far has the worst pilot.

Martha: It’s fantastic. Riker being randomly suspicious of everything, including apples. Space jellyfish saying ‘thanks.’ The random Q guy’s appearances, and his ‘test’ which I’m still not ENTIRELY sure what it was.

Cindee: To be fair, Riker was right about the apples.

Martha: He was, BUT he’d already gone in there all “WOAHHHHH THIS IS WEIRDLY GOOD!”

Cindee: To be honest I haven’t seen that episode that many times on account of it being shit.

Martha: Does Troi get a bit less, annoying?

Cindee: Not really.

Martha: Great.

Cindee: Yeah, she was a step back for feminism. Wesley also remains annoying.

Martha: Well he’s a kid now so I can half deal with it.  If he continues to be annoying we may need to have words. However, being the son of Dr. Crusher won’t help.

Cindee: Wait what do you have against her? I love her.

Martha: Just the fact she’s called Dr. Crusher, which sounds like a terrible 80’s children’s toy.

Cindee:  Well, it WAS made in the 80s. I feel like we need a blog.