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Gong With The Wind (AKA Haven)

Cindee: Are you getting out your M and Ms?

Martha: Oh I’ve eaten them all. So I assumed they were going to tackle arranged marriage with their usual sledgehammer tact, and I was not disappointed!

Cindee: Ha, so, it starts off with that creepy talking box, yes?

Martha: Oh god yes. Clearly they spent all the CGI budget on disco ship and had nothing left for the box…

Cindee: When I think of this episode, I think of the creepy talking box, and my hate for Lwaxana Troi…

Martha: The box spilled out a bunch of gems in a really awkward way, like those glitter bombs. Who’s gonna clean that up!?

Cindee: Wesley, maybe?

Martha: Well! That explains where Wesley is, cleaning up, cos is he fuck invited to the wedding!

Cindee: You can’t invite a 15 year old to a naked wedding.

Martha: Oh it was a naked wedding? They hardly every mentioned that…

Cindee: Well the wedding never happened…

Martha: I was being sarcastic

Cindee: OH

Martha: Lwaxana’s dialogue was mostly:
The wedding is naked
Do you want to see me naked?
I know you want to see me naked
Your husband wants to see me naked!
Which of these accessories will look better when I’m naked?
Do you like my hair? It’ll look better when I’m naked
And I’m not even exaggerating!

Cindee: I fucking hate that woman

Martha: Yeah I see your annoyance, but are you as annoyed as Deanna? Do you want to punch a gong out of your way and storm off?

Cindee: I want to punch someone most days, so

Martha: I liked that her party outfit was her work outfit but glittery. But at least she HAD a party outfit!

Cindee: Yeah it is super bizarre that they wear their uniforms like all the time

Martha: Yar made her hair fancy! And so did Crusher. I thought for a second that’s who Wyatt was drawing. Oh and Yar is all ‘woooah you get married NAKED’ Trust Yar.

Cindee: Are we really going to talk about everyone’s hair? Cause then I’m out.

Martha: Only cos you like Picard, and he has no hair.

Cindee: He has a little. Also, I like Dr. Crusher and she has hair. I just don’t give a shit about it.

Martha: It’s only because I thought she fancied it up to look like Wyatt’s pictures. But it wasn’t her. It was the residents of disco ship

Cindee: Why are you calling their ship disco ship?

Martha: Cos it’s having a goddamn rave! It’s got fancy lights like a disco and everyone in it has an infectious disease. Just like a real disco.

Cindee: Alright, you win. Disco ship. The resemblance is not as uncanny as the pokeballs though.

Martha: Only cos we don’t have discoships and I have a patent pending before you try.

Cindee: Ok, so my question, how the hell are these people and Lwaxanna old friends. They seem to hate each other!

Martha: Wasn’t it supposed to be more a friend of Troi’s dad? But yeah you can’t imagine them double dating! Anyway I’m guessing Troi’s father s dead?

Cindee: Everyone’s father is fucking dead!!

Martha: Haha! Well! You mentioned about her random accent she chose. On this her mum says she got it from her dad!!
‘Quick! Explain the accent disparity’

Cindee: Majel couldn’t do “British person badly doing American” or whatever the hell we’re gonna call Troi’s initial accent. That’s the only thing I can think to call it. I don’t think she WAS trying to do an American accent, but she sounds like a British person trying to sound American. Maybe her father was British but wished he was American

Martha: I’m sure I read the actress has some Greek parentage…

Cindee: Yeah her accent is just British though, I know because eventually the actress gets lazy and reverts back to her British accent

Martha: Here is Picard’s musings on arranged marriage

‘… it seems to me that she has become trapped by a custom of her home world which the facts of the twenty-fourth century have made unwise and unworkable. I wish I could intervene.’

Cindee: Oh Picard. Cultural relativity is not really their thing early on, is it

Martha: Hahaha well maybe they felt that they’d covered racism and sexism, so now it was religion’s turn!

Cindee: I never got the sense that it was a religious thing

Martha: I guess thats just what I associate with arranged marriage

Cindee: Riker talks about ‘habits of the beasts’ which I don’t want to know about and appears to have used the holodeck purely to create a rock to lean on. My google image searches have made me very aware of the Riker lean and he really gets into the Riker lean this episode. There’s at least 3 ponderous exaggerated leans.

Cindee: You mean his thinking face?

Martha: Well it’s not just the face. It’s his whole body

Cindee: Lol ok

Martha: So Troi flounces out, punches a gong, and goes out to have a chat with leaning Riker. In that time, they stop fighting in the hall, come to a detailed compromise about the wedding traditions, AND Wyatt even says he’s saw his dad practising NAKED in the mirror. Just how long was she gone?!

Cindee: You don’t practice being naked? I mean, it takes practice

Martha: Honestly I think I need practice haha. ALSO Why does Lwaxana have a sentient fake plant. And why doesn’t her best friend know about them if they’re a betazoid ‘pet’
Targ > plastic plant

Cindee: What does the word “sentient” mean to you

Martha: Alive…

Cindee: Well, that’s silly, plants are alive

Martha: The dictionary says ability to feel or perceive. Are you saying plants don’t have feelings…

Cindee: Yes

Martha: And she like, makes it tickle her. It’s like a snake

Cindee: So then it’s not a plant…

Martha: Okay. Why does Lwaxana have a fake plastic plant that the Star Trek producers are telling me is an animal

Cindee: Lmao, to bother the other lady obvs!

Martha: Clearly haha. Picard is getting so much better. I enjoyed him weakly taking the bag away. I enjoyed him telling Data he was circling the room like a buzzard. I LAUGHED at ‘I was not amused’ at Lwaxanas ‘joke’!

Cindee: Picard can be a funny dude

Martha: He had some top class banter today.

Cindee: ok, so, what are your thoughts on the idea that these two lovebirds have been dreaming of each other all their lives?

Martha: Erm, stupid.

Cindee: Exactly.

Martha: Like firstly, if I walk into someone’s house/disco ship, and there are drawings of me AS A CHILD all over the wall, I take my two items of medical paraphernalia. And I leave.

Cindee: well, he was drawing her all the time, too, so . . . . also, as established, he couldn’t leave once there

Martha: Drawings which he subtly put out to show his ‘fiancée’ HERE IS MY DREAM WOMAN WHO ISNT YOOOOOOOU

Cindee: Well he thought it was going to be her, so maybe he was like “I’ll creep her out by showing her a picture I drew of her”

Martha: not when he displayed them in his room Cindee! He knew it wasn’t her! He’d already met her!

Cindee: Oh, ok. well, I like to draw men I wish my husband was and put them around the house, too. Don’t we all?

Martha: As children, I hope… anyway, I don’t think he took nearly enough medica stuff to hell

Cindee: There’s only like 5 of them or whatever

Martha: Maybe I got confused but where did Crusher think he was going. Why did he need to knock out the transporter operator? Where did they think he was going?!

Cindee: Wasn’t he supposed to just beam the supplies, not himself?

Martha: Oh that would make sense

Cindee: Why Crusher would have him do it when she has plenty of minions, no one knows.

Martha: Lwaxana takes this weirdly well. As does everyone?! They even let Deana keep the jewels!

Cindee: I always figured everyone was secretly relieved. Ok, so a couple more random thoughts. How weird is it that they all figured out where Troi’s ship would be and agreed to all show up there at the same time, unannounced. I guess the creepy box did announce it, but barely before their arrival

Martha: Also Troi is clearly upset and Picard is all ‘congrats! Let’s all go to the wedding!’

Cindee: Well he’s not an empath. I mean he can’t just sense people’s feelings like Troi!

Martha: He has ZERO empathy if that’s what you mean

Cindee: Also, wtf is “genetic bonding”

Martha: I guess I assumed a fancy word for sex

Cindee: no, they were genetically bonded from childhood.

Martha: Oh weird, no idea then. Fancy alien marriage thing…

Cindee: Also, why is it a foregone conclusion that she’ll leave the ship

Martha: Also, Lwaxana is super into her status as a betazoid. Why would she marry a human? Why would she let her daughter marry a human?

Cindee: She chastises Troi for talking out loud, how the fuck does she think she’ll communicate with her new husband?

Martha: Hahaha well if she just CONCENTRATED she could sense his thoughts, like she can with sexxxxxy Riker!

Cinden: Theyre imzadi, Martha. Also I think they had to think their thoughts at each other to hear them

Martha: I don’t get their relationship. They’ve barely said a word to each other and now he’s all sulky

Cindee: They had one before, before the show

Martha: And he left her. To be a ship captain? Are there Star fleet rules about relationships and ship captaincy? I mean they apparently have a ‘no fighting at parties’ rule

Cindee: You know it’s never 100% explained, but yeah the idea is that he put his career first, but captains can get married. OK, spoilers, but I think Riker and Troi met on Betazed and then he got reassigned or something and she couldn’t go with him or whatever.

Martha: But now they’re together ALL THE TIME

Cindee: Have you never watched a TV show or something? They’ve gotta will they or won’t they. That’s how romance works on TV

Martha: Do they even still talk to each other outside of work?

Cindee: Sure

Martha: You don’t know that!

Cindee: Yes I do, I’ve seen them do it

Martha: I want to see some downtime bridge crew.

Cindee: well you’ll like later seasons then

Martha: Do they have a B team so they can have a rest

Cindee: Yes, there’s three shifts

Martha: But we only care about Picard’s shift

Cindee: Obvs

Martha: Oh no Worf this episode! It doesn’t make sense for him not to be at the wedding! Maybe Klingons can’t go to weddings

Cindee: I’ve seen Worf go to weddings

Martha: He just hates Troi?

Cindee: Maybe he hates nudity

Martha: I’m with Worf!

Cindee: Yeah me too, people should keep their fucking clothes on.

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Headache Pokeballs (AKA The Battle)

Martha had the strange idea to watch The Battle and chat with Cindee at the same time. The result was that everything is out of context and makes no sense. So, Cindee copied and pasted information from Memory Alpha so you know what is going on.

Martha: Ooooh the battle!

Cindee: *waits for it*

Martha: OH FUCK OFF FERENGIS

Cindee: yup, there it is

Dr. Crusher comes to see Picard in his quarters, where he complains of feeling fatigued and having a bad headache. She examines him and can find nothing wrong, but tells him to come to sickbay all the same.

Martha: Crusher has solved headaches. And is surprised that Picard has one.

Cindee: Yeah that seems very funny to me. Like, what is solving them exactly? A headache vaccine? Like maybe they have better painkillers, I’d buy that. But headaches just don’t happen?

Picard returns to the bridge and talks with the Ferengi captain, DaiMon Bok over the Enterprise’s viewscreen.

Martha: Daimon?? That’s not an alien name

Cindee: That is a title, like captain

Martha: Oh the Ferengi don’t mind visual contact a mere 3 episodes later

Cindee: I told you, that first episode is wildly inconsistent

Martha: You spelt SEASON wrong. This Ferengi seems a little nicer than the others. And a bit more chill.

Cindee: Or so he would have you believe

Martha: SPOILERS.

Cindee: spoilers? the title of the episode is “the battle.” WTF do you think is going to happen.

Martha: Wesley battles to have someone listen to him?

Picard goes to sickbay where Crusher examines him again, but fails to find any medical reason for his headaches.

Martha: AS SIMPLE AS A HEADACHE. Crusher is having none of it. Oh the days before they knew the NATURE OF PAIN.

Cindee: Well they’ve mapped the brain now. Once you map something, it can’t hurt anymore

Picard returns to the bridge, where Wesley Crusher arrives and tells Geordi La Forge that when he was boosting the range of the long-range sensors, he detected a ship approaching.

Martha: Ooooh rainbow jumper with a fabulous collar and fitted waist

Cindee: Ok, pause

Martha: Paused

Cindee: You need to buy these:

Martha: But why of all his fabulous jumpers is this the one that’s taken off? Is this his uniform now?

Cindee: I’m so sorry to be the one to break it to you, but, the sweaters are done for. UNPAUSE.

Picard is then hit by another headache, before ordering La Forge to zoom in on the approaching starship. It is the Stargazer, which the Ferengi found adrift, and are now giving to Picard. Bok says it will be a gift, free of charge, which his subordinates don’t like.

Martha: oh no, the headaches back. TROI CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

Cindee: Well of course not!

Martha: This headache is very distracting to poor Picard.

Cindee: Well, if you’d never had one before and got one, wouldn’t you think you were dying or something?

Martha: Oh god Troi felt the headache. A GUILT HEADACHE. NOT A THING. Hmmmm, this seems too good to be true.

Cindee: Them giving them the Stargazer?

Martha: Yes. even his mates don’t buy it…

Cindee: What are you talking about? It makes total sense to find a derelict starship that was responsible for the destruction of someone of your people’s ship and then give it back to the owners

Later in the observation lounge, Picard tells the crew about the battle. He then performed what is now known as the Picard Maneuver: he ordered a jump to high warp, making it appear to the Ferengi for a second that the Stargazer was in two places at once.

Martha: Okay Riker seems happier talking about the Picard Manoeuvre than he did on the sexy planet

Cindee: Picard is his hero. Side note, is that a typo or is that really how you spell maneuver?

Martha: Yes that’s how we spell it. IT’S FRENCH. AS FRENCH AS PICARD

Cindee: So . . . not very French?

Martha: How dare you. HE IZ ZE MOST FRENCH!

Cindee: With his British accent. Anyways, they’re on the Stargazer now?

Martha: They are. Picard left nudey mags in his cabin.

Cindee: How dare you

Martha: And a glowy Pokeball. Oh its a headache bomb.

Cindee: I was wondering what you’d call that thing

The return to the ship and sometime later Data shows Riker a personal log that Picard supposedly recorded, claiming that he attacked the Ferengi vessel without provocation and that the Ferengi ship was under a flag of truce.

Martha: Picard LIED?? Or they’ve messed with the records.

Cindee: but which is it?

Martha: This Pokeball is really messing with poor Picard

Cindee: Ok, so what exactly is a Pokeball?

Martha: You catch Pokemon in it. They shrink the Pokemon down and it lives in there

Cindee: So maybe it is the headache Pokemon in that one

Martha: Psyduck

Cindee: What is a Psyduck?

Cindee: Is that the headache Pokemon?

Martha: A Pokemon, and it gives itself headaches with its psychic power

Cindee: Alright then, so that’s what’s going on

Picard is in his quarters when Crusher arrives. He tells her the headache is worsening, and he is worrying about the battle and whether he did the right thing. Crusher gives him a sedative and puts him to bed.

Martha: Crusher is sticking floppy discs to Picard’s head

Cindee: well she needs to monitor his brain or something

Martha: Why has no one asked Wesley how to fix this headache?

Cindee: Just you wait

In Picard’s ready room, Data is informing Riker that the log is a forgery

Martha: Riker is so rude!

Cindee: How so?

Martha: Data tells him that some ‘checksom’ things don’t match in the logs, so Riker asks him what that means, he started to explain and Riker says, I DONT WANT A COMPUTER SCIENCE LESSON.

Cindee: That’s pretty typical

In sickbay, Dr. Crusher is discussing the headaches with Deanna Troi when Wesley enters. He tells her that he noticed the captain’s brain patterns were exactly the same as low intensity transmissions detected coming from the Ferengi ship.

Martha: Fuck off Wesley (says everyone!) From a quick glance I have solved all this.

Cindee: HE’S MOZART MARTHA

Martha: Dr Crusher is off to take all the credit. Oh Picard’s bloody beamed off the ship again.

Cindee: At least he didn’t beam into a cloud this time. Ok, so did the Daimon explain shit yet?

Martha: Yeah sorta. Picard killed his son

Cindee: right, so, basically a Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan ripoff

Martha: KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN

Cindee: Yes. Kirk was indirectly responsible for the death of Khan’s wife.

Martha: I’ve only seen the Hot Spock version

Cindee: Well obviously this is not a rip-off of that one, as it didn’t exist yet

Riker realizes that he is going to use the Picard Maneuver, so he orders Data to come up with a suitable defense.

Martha: There is no defense against the Picard Manoeuvre

Cindee: Riker: “think of one anyways” Data: “oh ok, sure”

Kazago hails, and tells Riker that Bok has been removed from command for his part in this “unprofitable venture”.

Martha: Engaging in an unprofitable adventure

Cindee: I told you, Republicans. What I don’t get is, why do the Ferengi forbid the Pokeballs? They seem like they’d be pretty profitable.

Martha: Okay so that’s a win for Wesley. Oh and they gave up on inertia. Who didn’t listen in tractor beam conservation lecture after all!

Cindee: Also, they are towing that thing as sunlight speed. So its gonna take them centuries to get anywhere with it.

Martha: It’s so worth it though, for the nudey mags.

Cindee: I will not sit idly by while you insult Picard like that!

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P for Picard (AKA Lonely Among Us)

Martha: P FOR PICARD!

Cindee: (no response)

Martha: OMG why are you not there?! I need to get this out quickly. I don’t have Troi to hypnotise me to remember all the things I have forgotten!

Cindee: Hahahahahaha. Ok, so, first thoughts?

Martha: My first overarching thought is ‘this made absolutely zero sense’

Cindee: Ok, true. But that’s your main objection here?

Martha: I mean I suppose as a ‘woke’ millennial (I’m too old to be a millennial) I should be most upset at them condescending and belittling the two random cultures they brought aboard

Cindee: Ok, first of all, you are so a millennial

Martha: IF YOU WANT ME TO SAY IM UPSET WITH SHERLOCK DATA I WONT

Cindee: Second of all, my main objection to Data and his pipe is not the pipe itself, but the fact that A MAN JUST DIED and everyone is all like “hahaha, who cares, Data is funny”

Martha: Oh god yes they barely touch on that

Cindee: THEY NEVER DO. At least usually they wait till the end of the episode for their light-hearted moment though

Martha: But it does explain why in two episodes both the chief engineer and the assistant chief engineer have changed since Naked Now. They’re just dying left right and centre!

Cindee: As much as I’d love to say it’s cause they’re racist, they never give a shit when anyone dies. My husband and I even have a running joke where at the end of the episode where they have their little light-hearted moment we both go “HA HA HA HA HA . . . people died”

Martha: I think he’s the first death. Well, that also extends to their alien counterparts. Yar rushes in to say ‘there’s blood everywhere and we can’t find a passenger’

Cindee: Yeah, I know right?

Martha: And Riker is all ‘CANT THIS WAIT ONE MINUTE PICARD IS BACK!!’

Cindee: They just find out that one of the aliens dying and about to be EATEN and they’re all like WHATEVER. They make this huge deal about how they’re all vegetarians, but oh well, that sentient being is gonna be eaten.

Martha: But Picard is back!!!! You’re just not seeing the bigger picture here Yar!

Cindee: Right, cause his physical form was saved in the pattern buffer. CAUSE THAT’S A THING.

Martha: None of it made any sense. Him beaming out into space. That being fine.

Cindee: And being one with a cloud

Martha: Him writing a P on LaForge’s terminal

Cindee: That’s the part that made the MOST sense

Martha: Him being able to ‘get into the ships circuits’

Cindee: Ok, but let’s rewind here

MarthaL Yeah there’s so much I have no order to my thoughts.

CindeeDid you not notice the part where Troi and Crusher talk to Worf about the memory loss he had, and he says he doesn’t remember having any memory loss?

Martha: Yes! And Troi hypnotises then and says ‘remember back to when you first remember having the feeling of having memory loss’

Cindee: With her fancy device

Martha: REMEMBER WHEN YOU FORGOT? Tell me about that!

Cindee: In the future, hypnosis is a legit thing, cause they perfected the technology.

Martha: Troi was the worst. I bought her ‘duality of man’ argument at first, why she didn’t report her feelings.

Cindee: you DID?

Martha: BUT THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER IT HAPPENS TO PICARD. And she says NOTHING

Cindee: She kinda gets a look on her face

Martha: A super helpful look. A look of ‘I should probably say something…. but… nah’ But, shout out to Worf’s electrocution acting

Cindee: Ok, so, speaking of which, he was in sensor control and Picard said sensors again

Martha: I didn’t have a problem with any pronunciation of sensors this time. It’s different…

Cindee: I see. Maybe earlier Patrick Stewart had legit never said the word before, and then everyone but Marina Sirtis was like “whatevs, prolly how British people said it” and then Sirtis eventually got around to telling him

Martha: She’s the only sensor they need

Cindee: You do know she’s British, right?

Martha: I did not!

Cindee: She made up some “other” accent that was supposed to be “alien”

Martha: Wesley has the same jumper on as last episode which is upsetting

Cindee: I’m sorry to tell you eventually he just wears the same shirt every day. What did you think of Dr. Crusher’s medical headgear?

Martha: Absolutely perfect! I see medical technology has improved so much

Cindee: To my knowledge, it is the only time she wears that contraption.

Martha: Well are they ever faced with an electrocution again? It seems highly specific

Cindee: Oh, which reminds me, back to our poor friend the assistant chief engineer, I like how no attempt is made to revive him

Martha: No he’s definitely dead

Cindee: Even now we’ve got CPR for that situation

MarthaL Unlike that alien that got poisoned who was dead and Crusher fixes her. And the traveler who she revived despite him being an utter unknown. This guy is definitely dead.

Cindee: Yeah they’re super inconsistent on when they try to revive someone and when they’re just like “nope, dead”

Martha: He was introduced simply to be killed off. He’s a red shirt! (I know that!) Oh also, in the pilot there was a curly haired guy who was on the bridge. He hasn’t been in it for a few episodes, now he’s relegated to ‘alien corridor escort’

Cindee: Oh you mean O’Brien?

Martha: I believe he had an Irish/Scottish accent so, almost certainly yes.

Cindee: Yeah, O’Brien is around for a while, but really struggles with what job he wants apparently. Also, his rank mysteriously changes several times

Martha: Well he’s done a terrible job at escorting the aliens through corridors, because ones being eaten as we speak

Cindee: yeah, well I think that was his only stint as alien escort man

Martha: Okay I’m trying to think of if there’s anything else. Oh! Wesley didn’t save the day but he would have were he given the chance!!!

Cindee: He would have? Oh right, the assistant chief engineer is like “go to class, captain’s orders!”

Martha: And how was he punished? DEATH. Are we certain Wesley didn’t do it?

Cindee: Good point. His revenge for being sent to class?

Martha: This is much darker than anticipated

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Ze End Of Ze Universe! (aka Where No One Has Gone Before)

Martha: Ze end of ze universe! She had a French accent!

Cindee: Alright alright

Martha: Sorry “French” Okay so I’ll go out on a limb and say this was the best episode so far?

Cindee: I hadn’t thought about it that way, I suppose it is.

Martha: However, it’s certainly not without things to discuss! First of all, in Naked Now the chief engineer was a woman. Now it’s a guy? Where has she gone?! It’s not even the deputy from Naked Now.

Cindee: In season 1, they change chief engineers like every 5 minutes. It’s kinda weird there isn’t a chief engineer among the main cast.

Martha: On a side note Wesley’s jumpers are a genuine delight. I hope there’s someone making them out there because I want them all.

Related image

Cindee: There is a  particular one that ThinkGeek.com has made several items to look like

Martha: Fantastic, I would wear them all.

Cindee: Noted

Martha: So Wesley, or ‘the boy’ as he is mostly referred to. They seem to be setting him up as some child genius

Cindee: Really, what tipped you off?

Martha: Hah! He also gets the brunt of the random Picard angry outbursts this episode
“move!” “Don’t interrupt me!” “What is the boy doing here?!”

Cindee: What indeed…

Martha: Being the only character to actually know what’s going on, that’s what!

Cindee: Yeah that’ll get old fast though.

Martha: It makes me question the Star Fleet training!

Cindee: Like, it is meaningless or something? Cause this stupid boy can do all the things?

Martha: Well he’s the only one! So it’s both unnecessary and not fit for purpose

Cindee: Really he’s only an engineering genius, at the academy they have other topics.

Martha: Yet again Star fleet isn’t really following its own laws and is quite happy to kill an unknown alien to help themselves Which they have no knowledge of its physiology but can revive it at will whenever needed

Cindee: See, it’s Dr. Crusher who is the genius!

Martha:That’s where Wesley gets it from!

Cindee: I don’t remember them killing anyone this episode.

Martha: The time travel being, who says space and time and distance don’t exist, hey didn’t kill him. He was dying anyway or whatever, I get that
BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT. They’re warned repeatedly that he won’t last.

Cindee: You think he’s dead?

Martha: No I think he’s fazed off somewhere else.

Cindee: Well that’s not the same as dead at all

Martha: My point is they don’t know this. They even say ‘better get what you need fast’ when she revived him again. Yes they didn’t kill him but they were prepared to.

Cindee: hmmmm I don’t know about that

Martha: Don’t make me get the script, I WILL!

Cindee: hahahaha. I feel like the traveler is going to be just fineMartha: Oh I loved Worfs pet!

Image result for star trek targ

Cindee: So, you’re a targ fan. OK. Seems like a targ is about us un-cat-like as can be

Martha: Obviously
I like the idea that Worf walks around thinking about him
And Picard thinks about the ship not existing
And that other guy thinks about fire.

Cindee: I find the idea that Worf had a targ difficult to accept

Martha: Wasn’t he raised by humans…

Cindee: Exactly

Martha: Wikipedia, I have glanced at it

Cindee: Wait you can’t do that!

Martha: I wanted to see where he came from before you told me all Klingons are cool now. Forgive me

Cindee: WELL. Maybe you should make your blog with Wikipedia then!

Martha: That would probably be much more helpful. I’m glad you agree.

Cindee: I’m plenty helpful

Martha: Wikipedia agrees that Picard was willing to sacrifice the traveller…

Cindee: No it doesn’t.Marha: It can do in a minute…

Martha: Okay I enjoyed the terrible jokes
‘Shall we call Dr Crusher?’
‘Why? IS SOMEONE ILL?!?’
Chortle

Cindee: I can’t remember, did anyone die in this episode? Like, actually die, not fade away

Martha: Just Picard’s compassion…

Cindee: hahahaha ok, No one died. Well that’s unusual

Martha: I feel on the whole this was a good non problematic episode. However
There was a man in a miniskirt, and whilst I’d love to think ‘wow, ahead of the times here Star Trek!’ I feel that’s not the case…

Cindee: Well, I think they wanted to think that they were

Martha: By having men in miniskirts as well as ladies?

Cindee: Yes. Supposedly they were planning on making Geordi gay but then chickened out on that

Martha: Is men in skirts a thing in TOS?

Cindee: No, but being inconsistently ahead of the times sure was. ALL the women had short skirts.

Martha: In TNG are they defending TOS by saying ‘oh I’m sure some offscreen guys had skirts too!’

Cindee: oh you mean like retroactively?

Martha:  Yeah I guess I’m assuming it happened as a reaction

Cindee: I think that they were trying to be forward thinking, I don’t know that they were retconning TOS though.

Martha: Well I’ve already brought up Troi’s pilot outfit, so I assume other people noticed all women in TOS has little skirts

Cindee: Right but sexism

Martha: Okay. Let me go out on a limb and say that Picard, Riker, Data, Worf, La Forge, never rock the mini…

Cindee: Well, spoilers, but correct

Martha: Hahaha so, forward thinking but only background characters

Cindee: Correct

Martha: Interesting about La Forge

Cindee:  Yeah too bad they didn’t go through with it WIMPS

Martha: I’d have though the obvious 80s choice would be to have Yar be gay.
Female, short hair, good at fighting, must be gay!

Cindee: WELL aren’t we heteronormative!

Martha: 80’s Star Trek is the most heteronormative of all the Heteronorms that have ever normed this planet!
But yeah, I guess I don’t have much to say on this one! All in all a half decent sci fi episode?

Cindee: I guess . . . I’ve seen better

Martha: Well I haven’t YOUVE SEEN WHAT IVE SEEN And it has not been good! Of the 6 I’ve seen this is the best. Like we have space/time/distance not existing being introduced. Some interaction with other vessel staff, even though he’s a douche.

Cindee: Hmmm. Yeah I think it’s okay Let me check my ranking list…
it is ranked 127

Martha: Do you have a ranking for it out of season 1 alone? Or season 1/2 alone?

Cindee: Ranked by season? What kind of a freak would do that…

Image result for picard facepalm

Posted on

Jazz Hands! (AKA The Last Outpost)

Martha: FERENGIS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING. I HOPE THEY ARE NEVER IN ANOTHER EPISODE. But I know they will be. URGH!

Cindee: Did you watch the whole thing yet?

Martha: Yes!

Cindee: So, yes the Ferengi are in lots more episodes, but they change a lot

Martha: They best do. They literally jumped around doing jazz hands for the last five minutes

Cindee: They were supposed to be the “big” enemy for TNG, but that didn’t work out cause they’re silly. Really, the only consistent thing from this episode to the rest is that they like valuables and they’re sexist and don’t let women wear clothes. In the future, instead of being menacing, they basically just become Republicans

Martha: Oh god. Third/fourth episode now where someone is shocked there’s a woman in the party.

Cindee: Like I said, aliens in Star Trek are sexist, and humans act like we are not. Kinda like how in the U.S. people complain about sexism elsewhere and act like it’s not a thing here.

Martha: So, Worf’s sash, what is this? No one else has one.

Cindee: It’s him being Klingon-y. It has his family crest or whatever on it I think.

Martha: I see! Data continues to be delightful, I enjoyed the Chinese finger traps as bizarre as the inclusion was

Cindee: Really? I thought that was pretty stupid

Martha: It was stupid in that it made no sense in the context, they’re paralysed by an unknown entity, their life support is going to fail but LOL Data’s fingers are stuck. But in isolation I enjoyed it.

Cindee: Well in the grand tradition of our friendship, we are on opposite ends here. I dislike Data.

Martha: Well I’m only 4 episodes in  and currently he’s a good foil to Picard who is too aggressive and serious currently.

Cindee: Touche. I just find some things about Data make no sense. Like him not knowing any idioms. I mean there are idiom books now, so there must be some in the future right? Unless they were all lost in WWIII?

Martha: I guess he needs a ‘thing’ if he’s perfect AI then, other than being a walking plot device (aka encyclopaedia) what purpose does he have (except sex robot…)

Cindee: I get him not getting human behavior . . but idioms?

Martha: I feel the prime directive was thrown out of the window this episode, despite it being a constant theme of it with Riker using it to show the humans worthiness to the Guardian of the (something) empire.

Cindee: The prime directive is WILDLY inconsistently applied in general.

Martha: So, my issue here, as soon as they find out that they are not in fact outgunned by the Ferengi, they immediately manipulate them and lie to them. (Which makes Picard’s little speech about trust pretty hypocritical). He forces them to break their cultural desire not to give visual communications.

Cindee. Hahaha. That’s not a thing in future episodes.

Martha: I mean even if it is a lie, they don’t know that. They claim to know nothing about the Ferengi

Cindee: Touche

Martha: They were happy for Yar to fight to the death to respect a culture last episode! I just found it a bit strange that they lie and manipulate, only back down on the lie when the Ferengi find out they are lying, and then say ‘wooooah don’t you trust us?!’ And then have Riker bang on about the prime directive in the same episode.

Cindee: Well, supposedly the prime directive applies differently to warp-capable species and non-warp-capable species. I always wondered if the people in Code of Honor were warp capable. It’s not clear.

Martha:  Is that to do with the ‘don’t expose them to tech’ idea (from the movie don’t shoot me…)

Cindee: One of those shitty new movies? Unlike SOME people I can handle new movies that I don’t like being created in a favorite franchise without FREAKING OUT

Martha: Oh are you Star Wars shaming me?! ARE YOU?

Cindee: I sure am.

Martha: I found the insertion of ‘earth history that’s not a thing really’ a bit confusing. Maybe I wasn’t listening. We had ‘Yankee traders’ who were like, space pirates with a bit more honour. An Uncle Sam reference and then a random Picard soliloquy on the colours of the French flag…

Cindee: What? I don’t remember ANY of that. So, what’s not a thing? Uncle Sam is a thing and France does have a flag that has colors

Martha: Hahahah! Okay so they described the Ferengis as Yankee traders, which they explain as a sort of space merchant sailor who roamed around space in history looking for stuff to trade (but dodgy trade).  Riker calls them his forbearers. And then someone mentions red white and blue and Picard is all ‘ahhhh, but in France we have it the right way, blue, white, red…’

Cindee: In his British accent?

Martha: Yes, all dreamily to himself. And then Data starts listing other red white and blue flags and RUINS THE MOMENT

Cindee: Fun fact: in Star Trek, all French people have British accents

Martha: Well that’s bizarre.

Cindee: Maybe in the future, you all will conquer France

Martha: It’s on my to do list

Cindee: Apparently though, you’ll let them keep their flag

Martha: On the subject of accents, does the ship have ‘sense oars’ or does Picard just say sensors weirdly..

Cindee: So, that’s not how you say it?

Martha: Well obviously…

Cindee: You’re probably unaware of this, not being an expert like me, but some British people pronounce words differently than other British people

Marth: I agree, and whilst I am no expert, no British person says ‘sensOARS’ with so much emphasis on the second syllable. I’ve checked with them all.  Lastly, I think the only thing I really have to add was them ‘going to have a conference evaluation. Which is basically ‘let’s have a chat in this cupboard’

Cindee: wait wut

Martha: and you call yourself a trekkie… Picard said ‘lets have a conference evaluation’ and all of the characters that had names went into this little side cupboard to discuss what to do!’

Cindee: I mean they have conferences all the time, but not in a cupboard

Martha: Okay it was a tiny room, off the bridge. And considering he took 90% of the people on the bridge it made no sense

Cindee: It wasn’t this room?

Martha: Yes. It just didn’t seem necessary, unless they didn’t want those pesky no name computer guys to hear

Cindee: Well that room is not a cupboard. It’s plenty big.

Martha: But is it necessary.

Cindee: You don’t like to sit down around a table to discuss things at work? You prefer to have all conversations haphazardly wherever you happen to be? I mean Yar doesn’t even have a chair. All the other chairs on the bridge are facing the same direction.

Martha: Okay I see your point. But they didn’t sit down, they just stood around in the not-a-cupboard.

Cindee: I see.

Martha: Troi was useless this episode.

Cindee: Well that’s nothing new. Was Troi able to read their minds? In later episodes they claim Betazoids can’t read Ferengis.

Martha: Well in this episode her sense were blocked entirely by something, either the Ferengis or the force field.  I don’t want more Ferengis.

Cindee: Well, sucks to be you. Like I said, they do change. They become Republicans.

Martha: Less jazz hands, more paying off porn stars?

Cindee: They are republicans in the sense that they are obsessed with capitalism

Martha: Money and naked ladies – checks out