The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog
The blog where Martha watches an episode of Star Trek and then talks about it with her Trekkie friend Cindee
Martha: Hi. We’ve been incredibly inconsistent with this prime directive stuff so here is an episode where we beat you about the head with it in order to further your understanding
Cindee: hahahahaha. I feel like their answer in this one actually made some sense though? It’s been a while admittedly…
Martha: Yeah, and there was some initial intrigue! I felt the plot was fairly obvious once it got going but it was interesting
Continue reading “Just Say No (AKA Symbiosis)”Martha: OMG GET EXCITED
Cindee: ?
Martha: We have a new chief engineer!
Cindee: Oh lol, yeah.
Martha: I’m sure that’s our fourth hahaha. He didn’t die though! But I’m sure we’ll never see him again
Cindee: Ok, so I take it you watched the Arsenal of Freedom.
Martha: I have indeed! Of all the ’21st century Earth was terrible’ i think sadly the ‘peace through superior firepower’ is the most accurate so far
Cindee: Hahaha, probably true
Martha: But unlike humans who sorted themselves out in time to fix it, because humans rock, this planet has wiped itself out.
Cindee: correct
Martha: Leaving only deadly weapons at every turn
Cindee: And a robot to sell them.
Martha: So Yar decides ‘definitely better get down to that’ What could possibly go wrong. Everything. Everything Yar.
Cindee: Hahaha. So, first things first. I just want to say, for the record: Deanna Troi’s rank is Lt. Commander. She outranks LaForge AND Logan
Martha: yes but… Cindee. SHES SUPER ANNOYING
Cindee: Logan seems pretty annoying, too
Martha ‘As the ship counsellor its my job to interrupt you and say ‘the new guys are nervous we are being SHOT AT BY AN INVISIBLE SUPER AWESOME SHOOTING THING’ no shit Troi. I wont hear a thing about chief engineer no4! He is absolutely the 4th best candidate for the job!
Cindee: Maybe, but she outranks him
Martha: Well Logan outranked LaForge right? 2 dots vs a dot and a half
Cindee: Yes
Martha: But, Picard said Geordi was the boss, soooooo. MAIN CAST CINDEE, why do we even care about anyone else?
Cindee: Troi is the main cast, she’s a Lt. Commander
Martha Okay LaForge is trained in command, military AND navigation and engineering
Cindee: Troi went to Starfleet academy
Martha: Troi is good at ‘ooooh I feel that maybe were gonna get shot at’
Cindee: I don’t know that I agree that LaForge is trained in military
Martha: He’s RED CINDEE, navigation and command and fighting…
Cindee: Navigation and command, fighting is yellow.
Martha: Haha Riker fights!
Cindee: But it isn’t his job, he just does it on the side
Martha: Honestly i feel the colours are very blurred, you said Geordi is a super good engineer too.
Cindee: yeah they get more clear next season
Martha: Geordi is multifaceted, whereas Troi doesn’t even have a colour
Cindee: Well she’s SUPPOSED to be wearing blue.
Martha: She gave up her right to be the boss of the ship when she didn’t wear her uniform and 2 and a half pips, plus clearly Picard likes La Forge, he’s left him in charge twice now. PLUS HE UNDERSTANDS HIM NOW. He’s seen through his eyes….
Cindee: lolololol ok, so Picard erroneously leaves LaForge in charge and beams down and falls in a hole with Crusher
Martha: Wooooah wait a minute. Riker meets a guy called Rice(r) and has some fantastic bants
Cindee: about the good ship lollipop
Martha: Like I dont know where ‘yo momma’ jokes started But I’d like to think it was with Riker… Rice is all ‘who sent you’ and Riker replies ‘YOUR MOMMA’
Cindee: I don’t think that those are related…
Martha: (I think he technically says your mother but Im calling it regardless) but yes, the good old Lollipop is indeed a good ship. That was some pretty snazzy alien tech to be fair. Shame they couldn’t actually buy some…
Cindee: Yeah so Yar keeps outsmarting them or whatever
Martha: She fires her fazer and it works ONCE. Data does most of the smartsing
Cindee: Meanwhile, Picard and Crusher fall in a hole
Martha: Why are you so obsessed with this hole! I’m just glad Picard didn’t ‘omg fall on top of the lady’
Cindee: Also, if those things are so fancy, why can’t they fucking aim,
they’re worse than storm troopers!
Martha: And they dont even have that genuine war syndrome thing to blame…
Cindee: Oh and the hole, I just think it is a stupid plot point to fall in a hole
Martha: Well of course it is, and Crusher somehow manages to fall UNDER some pretty heavy sand…
Cindee: I know, how did that occur exactly? I’m no physicist, but . . .
Martha: We’re supposed to think it fell with her from the walls or the top I guess
Cindee: Ok, fine
Martha: But Picard, being a manly man, was not so afflicted by this sand so we get treated to Picard’s bedside manner STAY AWAKE. THATS AN ORDER
Cindee: so Crusher is covered in sand and tells Picard how to do basic first aid, which one would think he’d know…
Martha: Erm no. Basic first aid has been cured. Nobody needs it anymore
Cindee: Meanwhile, she uses her knowledge of roots from ANOTHER PLANET to identify one on this one that could be useful
Martha: ALL YELLOW PLANTS ARE FINE
Cindee: And Picard tastes it and it’s yellow so naturally…
Martha: How dare you question her Grandmother’s knowledge. So we now know Crusher once lived on some planet where I guess everyone died… except Crusher and her grandma…
Cindee: They all did, they all have some horrible tragic past.
Martha: I’m still waiting on La Forge’s. And Riker’s. And Picard’s! I cant wait to learn of their emotional turmoil
Cindee: ha, well, I’d tell ya, but SPOILERS
Martha: oh, guess what happens when they fall down the hole… It’s a literal RIP to the lab cardigan
Cindee: Lab coat
Martha: I thought we agreed on lab cardigan
Cindee: You agreed on lab cardigan… its not like she can’t get another one
Martha: Im sure Troi has a massive fucking unused stash she can have ‘these are all brand new in the packet’
Cindee: What on earth are you talking about? She can just replicate a new one
Martha: They havent used the replicators yet! I dont think anyway…
Cindee: Huh? Interesting
Martha: If something like fizzles into view is that the replicator? cos the Klingons got themselves some food like that.
Cindee: Yes
Martha: Okay the Klingons replicated food then. They knew how it worked. Maybe Worf told them after the yelling…but I’m not aware of it being made a point of yet.
Cindee: Well, the odd thing is, different aliens all seem capable of using each others technology without instruction all the time
Martha: Well, I do not know the technology. I am but a primitive alien
Cindee: What you can and cannot replicate seems to change for the convenience of the plot
Martha: Well thats fair enough haha. Anyway, I think its a good job Geordi is left in charge because Geordi is the only person who remembers the ship separates.
Cindee: Well that’s true.
Martha: AND he knows that theres always time for a log!
Cindee: seriously, they almost never separate it and they almost always should! Well ya gotta have logs
Martha: Picard knows no one else will bother with a log whilst they’re being shot at by an invisible massively powerful alien and all their shields are down and most of the senior staff are stuck on a planet where they cant beam off being shot at by similar powerful things…
WELL would YOU separate if you got the reception La Forge got? I left you this ship in one piece! FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT! HOW ABOUT A WELL DONE PICARD??
Cindee: Wait, what?
Martha: How about a pat on the back? When he comes back Picard is all ‘when I left this ship was in one piece, sort it out’
Cindee: oh well he was joking!
Martha: and its his ‘hahaha’ way with Riker which has absolutely no humour to it half the time. He is rubbish at joking!
Cindee: Well he is still learning
Martha: he is getting there. if he wasn’t as aggressive the rest of the time I could take his jokes as jokes haha. Oh I forgot about Data rescuing them from the convenient hole. Oh, also, contrary to popular believe (very) white men CAN jump (down holes…)
Cindee: That’s the title of a movie, not a popular belief
Martha: I take all my beliefs from Woody Harrelson movies. Twinkies are gods gift to food, and, other stuff.
Cindee: you are now making pop culture references I do not understand
Martha In Zombieland he’s obsessed with finding a twinkie as they are the only food which can survive an apocalypse, or something…
Cindee: Also, can’t believe you didn’t complain about the lack of Wesley..
Martha: Hahah after ‘Coming of Age’ I’m due for a break….
Cindee: Are you getting out your M and Ms?
Martha: Oh I’ve eaten them all. So I assumed they were going to tackle arranged marriage with their usual sledgehammer tact, and I was not disappointed!
Cindee: Ha, so, it starts off with that creepy talking box, yes?
Martha: Oh god yes. Clearly they spent all the CGI budget on disco ship and had nothing left for the box…
Cindee: When I think of this episode, I think of the creepy talking box, and my hate for Lwaxana Troi…
Martha: The box spilled out a bunch of gems in a really awkward way, like those glitter bombs. Who’s gonna clean that up!?
Cindee: Wesley, maybe?
Martha: Well! That explains where Wesley is, cleaning up, cos is he fuck invited to the wedding!
Cindee: You can’t invite a 15 year old to a naked wedding.
Martha: Oh it was a naked wedding? They hardly every mentioned that…
Cindee: Well the wedding never happened…
Martha: I was being sarcastic
Cindee: OH
Martha: Lwaxana’s dialogue was mostly:
The wedding is naked
Do you want to see me naked?
I know you want to see me naked
Your husband wants to see me naked!
Which of these accessories will look better when I’m naked?
Do you like my hair? It’ll look better when I’m naked
And I’m not even exaggerating!
Cindee: I fucking hate that woman
Martha: Yeah I see your annoyance, but are you as annoyed as Deanna? Do you want to punch a gong out of your way and storm off?
Cindee: I want to punch someone most days, so
Martha: I liked that her party outfit was her work outfit but glittery. But at least she HAD a party outfit!
Cindee: Yeah it is super bizarre that they wear their uniforms like all the time
Martha: Yar made her hair fancy! And so did Crusher. I thought for a second that’s who Wyatt was drawing. Oh and Yar is all ‘woooah you get married NAKED’ Trust Yar.
Cindee: Are we really going to talk about everyone’s hair? Cause then I’m out.
Martha: Only cos you like Picard, and he has no hair.
Cindee: He has a little. Also, I like Dr. Crusher and she has hair. I just don’t give a shit about it.
Martha: It’s only because I thought she fancied it up to look like Wyatt’s pictures. But it wasn’t her. It was the residents of disco ship
Cindee: Why are you calling their ship disco ship?
Martha: Cos it’s having a goddamn rave! It’s got fancy lights like a disco and everyone in it has an infectious disease. Just like a real disco.
Cindee: Alright, you win. Disco ship. The resemblance is not as uncanny as the pokeballs though.
Martha: Only cos we don’t have discoships and I have a patent pending before you try.
Cindee: Ok, so my question, how the hell are these people and Lwaxanna old friends. They seem to hate each other!
Martha: Wasn’t it supposed to be more a friend of Troi’s dad? But yeah you can’t imagine them double dating! Anyway I’m guessing Troi’s father s dead?
Cindee: Everyone’s father is fucking dead!!
Martha: Haha! Well! You mentioned about her random accent she chose. On this her mum says she got it from her dad!!
‘Quick! Explain the accent disparity’
Cindee: Majel couldn’t do “British person badly doing American” or whatever the hell we’re gonna call Troi’s initial accent. That’s the only thing I can think to call it. I don’t think she WAS trying to do an American accent, but she sounds like a British person trying to sound American. Maybe her father was British but wished he was American
Martha: I’m sure I read the actress has some Greek parentage…
Cindee: Yeah her accent is just British though, I know because eventually the actress gets lazy and reverts back to her British accent
Martha: Here is Picard’s musings on arranged marriage
‘… it seems to me that she has become trapped by a custom of her home world which the facts of the twenty-fourth century have made unwise and unworkable. I wish I could intervene.’
Cindee: Oh Picard. Cultural relativity is not really their thing early on, is it
Martha: Hahaha well maybe they felt that they’d covered racism and sexism, so now it was religion’s turn!
Cindee: I never got the sense that it was a religious thing
Martha: I guess thats just what I associate with arranged marriage
Cindee: Riker talks about ‘habits of the beasts’ which I don’t want to know about and appears to have used the holodeck purely to create a rock to lean on. My google image searches have made me very aware of the Riker lean and he really gets into the Riker lean this episode. There’s at least 3 ponderous exaggerated leans.
Cindee: You mean his thinking face?
Martha: Well it’s not just the face. It’s his whole body
Cindee: Lol ok
Martha: So Troi flounces out, punches a gong, and goes out to have a chat with leaning Riker. In that time, they stop fighting in the hall, come to a detailed compromise about the wedding traditions, AND Wyatt even says he’s saw his dad practising NAKED in the mirror. Just how long was she gone?!
Cindee: You don’t practice being naked? I mean, it takes practice
Martha: Honestly I think I need practice haha. ALSO Why does Lwaxana have a sentient fake plant. And why doesn’t her best friend know about them if they’re a betazoid ‘pet’
Targ > plastic plant
Cindee: What does the word “sentient” mean to you
Martha: Alive…
Cindee: Well, that’s silly, plants are alive
Martha: The dictionary says ability to feel or perceive. Are you saying plants don’t have feelings…
Cindee: Yes
Martha: And she like, makes it tickle her. It’s like a snake
Cindee: So then it’s not a plant…
Martha: Okay. Why does Lwaxana have a fake plastic plant that the Star Trek producers are telling me is an animal
Cindee: Lmao, to bother the other lady obvs!
Martha: Clearly haha. Picard is getting so much better. I enjoyed him weakly taking the bag away. I enjoyed him telling Data he was circling the room like a buzzard. I LAUGHED at ‘I was not amused’ at Lwaxanas ‘joke’!
Cindee: Picard can be a funny dude
Martha: He had some top class banter today.
Cindee: ok, so, what are your thoughts on the idea that these two lovebirds have been dreaming of each other all their lives?
Martha: Erm, stupid.
Cindee: Exactly.
Martha: Like firstly, if I walk into someone’s house/disco ship, and there are drawings of me AS A CHILD all over the wall, I take my two items of medical paraphernalia. And I leave.
Cindee: well, he was drawing her all the time, too, so . . . . also, as established, he couldn’t leave once there
Martha: Drawings which he subtly put out to show his ‘fiancée’ HERE IS MY DREAM WOMAN WHO ISNT YOOOOOOOU
Cindee: Well he thought it was going to be her, so maybe he was like “I’ll creep her out by showing her a picture I drew of her”
Martha: not when he displayed them in his room Cindee! He knew it wasn’t her! He’d already met her!
Cindee: Oh, ok. well, I like to draw men I wish my husband was and put them around the house, too. Don’t we all?
Martha: As children, I hope… anyway, I don’t think he took nearly enough medica stuff to hell
Cindee: There’s only like 5 of them or whatever
Martha: Maybe I got confused but where did Crusher think he was going. Why did he need to knock out the transporter operator? Where did they think he was going?!
Cindee: Wasn’t he supposed to just beam the supplies, not himself?
Martha: Oh that would make sense
Cindee: Why Crusher would have him do it when she has plenty of minions, no one knows.
Martha: Lwaxana takes this weirdly well. As does everyone?! They even let Deana keep the jewels!
Cindee: I always figured everyone was secretly relieved. Ok, so a couple more random thoughts. How weird is it that they all figured out where Troi’s ship would be and agreed to all show up there at the same time, unannounced. I guess the creepy box did announce it, but barely before their arrival
Martha: Also Troi is clearly upset and Picard is all ‘congrats! Let’s all go to the wedding!’
Cindee: Well he’s not an empath. I mean he can’t just sense people’s feelings like Troi!
Martha: He has ZERO empathy if that’s what you mean
Cindee: Also, wtf is “genetic bonding”
Martha: I guess I assumed a fancy word for sex
Cindee: no, they were genetically bonded from childhood.
Martha: Oh weird, no idea then. Fancy alien marriage thing…
Cindee: Also, why is it a foregone conclusion that she’ll leave the ship
Martha: Also, Lwaxana is super into her status as a betazoid. Why would she marry a human? Why would she let her daughter marry a human?
Cindee: She chastises Troi for talking out loud, how the fuck does she think she’ll communicate with her new husband?
Martha: Hahaha well if she just CONCENTRATED she could sense his thoughts, like she can with sexxxxxy Riker!
Cinden: Theyre imzadi, Martha. Also I think they had to think their thoughts at each other to hear them
Martha: I don’t get their relationship. They’ve barely said a word to each other and now he’s all sulky
Cindee: They had one before, before the show
Martha: And he left her. To be a ship captain? Are there Star fleet rules about relationships and ship captaincy? I mean they apparently have a ‘no fighting at parties’ rule
Cindee: You know it’s never 100% explained, but yeah the idea is that he put his career first, but captains can get married. OK, spoilers, but I think Riker and Troi met on Betazed and then he got reassigned or something and she couldn’t go with him or whatever.
Martha: But now they’re together ALL THE TIME
Cindee: Have you never watched a TV show or something? They’ve gotta will they or won’t they. That’s how romance works on TV
Martha: Do they even still talk to each other outside of work?
Cindee: Sure
Martha: You don’t know that!
Cindee: Yes I do, I’ve seen them do it
Martha: I want to see some downtime bridge crew.
Cindee: well you’ll like later seasons then
Martha: Do they have a B team so they can have a rest
Cindee: Yes, there’s three shifts
Martha: But we only care about Picard’s shift
Cindee: Obvs
Martha: Oh no Worf this episode! It doesn’t make sense for him not to be at the wedding! Maybe Klingons can’t go to weddings
Cindee: I’ve seen Worf go to weddings
Martha: He just hates Troi?
Cindee: Maybe he hates nudity
Martha: I’m with Worf!
Cindee: Yeah me too, people should keep their fucking clothes on.
Martha had the strange idea to watch The Battle and chat with Cindee at the same time. The result was that everything is out of context and makes no sense. So, Cindee copied and pasted information from Memory Alpha so you know what is going on.
Martha: Ooooh the battle!
Cindee: *waits for it*
Martha: OH FUCK OFF FERENGIS
Cindee: yup, there it is
Dr. Crusher comes to see Picard in his quarters, where he complains of feeling fatigued and having a bad headache. She examines him and can find nothing wrong, but tells him to come to sickbay all the same.
Martha: Crusher has solved headaches. And is surprised that Picard has one.
Cindee: Yeah that seems very funny to me. Like, what is solving them exactly? A headache vaccine? Like maybe they have better painkillers, I’d buy that. But headaches just don’t happen?
Picard returns to the bridge and talks with the Ferengi captain, DaiMon Bok over the Enterprise’s viewscreen.
Martha: Daimon?? That’s not an alien name
Cindee: That is a title, like captain
Martha: Oh the Ferengi don’t mind visual contact a mere 3 episodes later
Cindee: I told you, that first episode is wildly inconsistent
Martha: You spelt SEASON wrong. This Ferengi seems a little nicer than the others. And a bit more chill.
Cindee: Or so he would have you believe
Martha: SPOILERS.
Cindee: spoilers? the title of the episode is “the battle.” WTF do you think is going to happen.
Martha: Wesley battles to have someone listen to him?
Picard goes to sickbay where Crusher examines him again, but fails to find any medical reason for his headaches.
Martha: AS SIMPLE AS A HEADACHE. Crusher is having none of it. Oh the days before they knew the NATURE OF PAIN.
Cindee: Well they’ve mapped the brain now. Once you map something, it can’t hurt anymore
Picard returns to the bridge, where Wesley Crusher arrives and tells Geordi La Forge that when he was boosting the range of the long-range sensors, he detected a ship approaching.
Martha: Ooooh rainbow jumper with a fabulous collar and fitted waist
Cindee: Ok, pause
Martha: Paused
Cindee: You need to buy these:
Martha: But why of all his fabulous jumpers is this the one that’s taken off? Is this his uniform now?
Cindee: I’m so sorry to be the one to break it to you, but, the sweaters are done for. UNPAUSE.
Picard is then hit by another headache, before ordering La Forge to zoom in on the approaching starship. It is the Stargazer, which the Ferengi found adrift, and are now giving to Picard. Bok says it will be a gift, free of charge, which his subordinates don’t like.
Martha: oh no, the headaches back. TROI CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
Cindee: Well of course not!
Martha: This headache is very distracting to poor Picard.
Cindee: Well, if you’d never had one before and got one, wouldn’t you think you were dying or something?
Martha: Oh god Troi felt the headache. A GUILT HEADACHE. NOT A THING. Hmmmm, this seems too good to be true.
Cindee: Them giving them the Stargazer?
Martha: Yes. even his mates don’t buy it…
Cindee: What are you talking about? It makes total sense to find a derelict starship that was responsible for the destruction of someone of your people’s ship and then give it back to the owners
Later in the observation lounge, Picard tells the crew about the battle. He then performed what is now known as the Picard Maneuver: he ordered a jump to high warp, making it appear to the Ferengi for a second that the Stargazer was in two places at once.
Martha: Okay Riker seems happier talking about the Picard Manoeuvre than he did on the sexy planet
Cindee: Picard is his hero. Side note, is that a typo or is that really how you spell maneuver?
Martha: Yes that’s how we spell it. IT’S FRENCH. AS FRENCH AS PICARD
Cindee: So . . . not very French?
Martha: How dare you. HE IZ ZE MOST FRENCH!
Cindee: With his British accent. Anyways, they’re on the Stargazer now?
Martha: They are. Picard left nudey mags in his cabin.
Cindee: How dare you
Martha: And a glowy Pokeball. Oh its a headache bomb.
Cindee: I was wondering what you’d call that thing
The return to the ship and sometime later Data shows Riker a personal log that Picard supposedly recorded, claiming that he attacked the Ferengi vessel without provocation and that the Ferengi ship was under a flag of truce.
Martha: Picard LIED?? Or they’ve messed with the records.
Cindee: but which is it?
Martha: This Pokeball is really messing with poor Picard
Cindee: Ok, so what exactly is a Pokeball?
Martha: You catch Pokemon in it. They shrink the Pokemon down and it lives in there
Cindee: So maybe it is the headache Pokemon in that one
Martha: Psyduck
Cindee: What is a Psyduck?
Cindee: Is that the headache Pokemon?
Martha: A Pokemon, and it gives itself headaches with its psychic power
Cindee: Alright then, so that’s what’s going on
Picard is in his quarters when Crusher arrives. He tells her the headache is worsening, and he is worrying about the battle and whether he did the right thing. Crusher gives him a sedative and puts him to bed.
Martha: Crusher is sticking floppy discs to Picard’s head
Cindee: well she needs to monitor his brain or something
Martha: Why has no one asked Wesley how to fix this headache?
Cindee: Just you wait
In Picard’s ready room, Data is informing Riker that the log is a forgery
Martha: Riker is so rude!
Cindee: How so?
Martha: Data tells him that some ‘checksom’ things don’t match in the logs, so Riker asks him what that means, he started to explain and Riker says, I DONT WANT A COMPUTER SCIENCE LESSON.
Cindee: That’s pretty typical
In sickbay, Dr. Crusher is discussing the headaches with Deanna Troi when Wesley enters. He tells her that he noticed the captain’s brain patterns were exactly the same as low intensity transmissions detected coming from the Ferengi ship.
Martha: Fuck off Wesley (says everyone!) From a quick glance I have solved all this.
Cindee: HE’S MOZART MARTHA
Martha: Dr Crusher is off to take all the credit. Oh Picard’s bloody beamed off the ship again.
Cindee: At least he didn’t beam into a cloud this time. Ok, so did the Daimon explain shit yet?
Martha: Yeah sorta. Picard killed his son
Cindee: right, so, basically a Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan ripoff
Martha: KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN
Cindee: Yes. Kirk was indirectly responsible for the death of Khan’s wife.
Martha: I’ve only seen the Hot Spock version
Cindee: Well obviously this is not a rip-off of that one, as it didn’t exist yet
Riker realizes that he is going to use the Picard Maneuver, so he orders Data to come up with a suitable defense.
Martha: There is no defense against the Picard Manoeuvre
Cindee: Riker: “think of one anyways” Data: “oh ok, sure”
Kazago hails, and tells Riker that Bok has been removed from command for his part in this “unprofitable venture”.
Martha: Engaging in an unprofitable adventure
Cindee: I told you, Republicans. What I don’t get is, why do the Ferengi forbid the Pokeballs? They seem like they’d be pretty profitable.
Martha: Okay so that’s a win for Wesley. Oh and they gave up on inertia. Who didn’t listen in tractor beam conservation lecture after all!
Cindee: Also, they are towing that thing as sunlight speed. So its gonna take them centuries to get anywhere with it.
Martha: It’s so worth it though, for the nudey mags.
Cindee: I will not sit idly by while you insult Picard like that!
Martha: P FOR PICARD!
Cindee: (no response)
Martha: OMG why are you not there?! I need to get this out quickly. I don’t have Troi to hypnotise me to remember all the things I have forgotten!
Cindee: Hahahahahaha. Ok, so, first thoughts?
Martha: My first overarching thought is ‘this made absolutely zero sense’
Cindee: Ok, true. But that’s your main objection here?
Martha: I mean I suppose as a ‘woke’ millennial (I’m too old to be a millennial) I should be most upset at them condescending and belittling the two random cultures they brought aboard
Cindee: Ok, first of all, you are so a millennial
Martha: IF YOU WANT ME TO SAY IM UPSET WITH SHERLOCK DATA I WONT
Cindee: Second of all, my main objection to Data and his pipe is not the pipe itself, but the fact that A MAN JUST DIED and everyone is all like “hahaha, who cares, Data is funny”
Martha: Oh god yes they barely touch on that
Cindee: THEY NEVER DO. At least usually they wait till the end of the episode for their light-hearted moment though
Martha: But it does explain why in two episodes both the chief engineer and the assistant chief engineer have changed since Naked Now. They’re just dying left right and centre!
Cindee: As much as I’d love to say it’s cause they’re racist, they never give a shit when anyone dies. My husband and I even have a running joke where at the end of the episode where they have their little light-hearted moment we both go “HA HA HA HA HA . . . people died”
Martha: I think he’s the first death. Well, that also extends to their alien counterparts. Yar rushes in to say ‘there’s blood everywhere and we can’t find a passenger’
Cindee: Yeah, I know right?
Martha: And Riker is all ‘CANT THIS WAIT ONE MINUTE PICARD IS BACK!!’
Cindee: They just find out that one of the aliens dying and about to be EATEN and they’re all like WHATEVER. They make this huge deal about how they’re all vegetarians, but oh well, that sentient being is gonna be eaten.
Martha: But Picard is back!!!! You’re just not seeing the bigger picture here Yar!
Cindee: Right, cause his physical form was saved in the pattern buffer. CAUSE THAT’S A THING.
Martha: None of it made any sense. Him beaming out into space. That being fine.
Cindee: And being one with a cloud
Martha: Him writing a P on LaForge’s terminal
Cindee: That’s the part that made the MOST sense
Martha: Him being able to ‘get into the ships circuits’
Cindee: Ok, but let’s rewind here
MarthaL Yeah there’s so much I have no order to my thoughts.
CindeeDid you not notice the part where Troi and Crusher talk to Worf about the memory loss he had, and he says he doesn’t remember having any memory loss?
Martha: Yes! And Troi hypnotises then and says ‘remember back to when you first remember having the feeling of having memory loss’
Cindee: With her fancy device
Martha: REMEMBER WHEN YOU FORGOT? Tell me about that!
Cindee: In the future, hypnosis is a legit thing, cause they perfected the technology.
Martha: Troi was the worst. I bought her ‘duality of man’ argument at first, why she didn’t report her feelings.
Cindee: you DID?
Martha: BUT THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER IT HAPPENS TO PICARD. And she says NOTHING
Cindee: She kinda gets a look on her face
Martha: A super helpful look. A look of ‘I should probably say something…. but… nah’ But, shout out to Worf’s electrocution acting
Cindee: Ok, so, speaking of which, he was in sensor control and Picard said sensors again
Martha: I didn’t have a problem with any pronunciation of sensors this time. It’s different…
Cindee: I see. Maybe earlier Patrick Stewart had legit never said the word before, and then everyone but Marina Sirtis was like “whatevs, prolly how British people said it” and then Sirtis eventually got around to telling him
Martha: She’s the only sensor they need
Cindee: You do know she’s British, right?
Martha: I did not!
Cindee: She made up some “other” accent that was supposed to be “alien”
Martha: Wesley has the same jumper on as last episode which is upsetting
Cindee: I’m sorry to tell you eventually he just wears the same shirt every day. What did you think of Dr. Crusher’s medical headgear?
Martha: Absolutely perfect! I see medical technology has improved so much
Cindee: To my knowledge, it is the only time she wears that contraption.
Martha: Well are they ever faced with an electrocution again? It seems highly specific
Cindee: Oh, which reminds me, back to our poor friend the assistant chief engineer, I like how no attempt is made to revive him
Martha: No he’s definitely dead
Cindee: Even now we’ve got CPR for that situation
MarthaL Unlike that alien that got poisoned who was dead and Crusher fixes her. And the traveler who she revived despite him being an utter unknown. This guy is definitely dead.
Cindee: Yeah they’re super inconsistent on when they try to revive someone and when they’re just like “nope, dead”
Martha: He was introduced simply to be killed off. He’s a red shirt! (I know that!) Oh also, in the pilot there was a curly haired guy who was on the bridge. He hasn’t been in it for a few episodes, now he’s relegated to ‘alien corridor escort’
Cindee: Oh you mean O’Brien?
Martha: I believe he had an Irish/Scottish accent so, almost certainly yes.
Cindee: Yeah, O’Brien is around for a while, but really struggles with what job he wants apparently. Also, his rank mysteriously changes several times
Martha: Well he’s done a terrible job at escorting the aliens through corridors, because ones being eaten as we speak
Cindee: yeah, well I think that was his only stint as alien escort man
Martha: Okay I’m trying to think of if there’s anything else. Oh! Wesley didn’t save the day but he would have were he given the chance!!!
Cindee: He would have? Oh right, the assistant chief engineer is like “go to class, captain’s orders!”
Martha: And how was he punished? DEATH. Are we certain Wesley didn’t do it?
Cindee: Good point. His revenge for being sent to class?
Martha: This is much darker than anticipated
Martha: Ze end of ze universe! She had a French accent!
Cindee: Alright alright
Martha: Sorry “French” Okay so I’ll go out on a limb and say this was the best episode so far?
Cindee: I hadn’t thought about it that way, I suppose it is.
Martha: However, it’s certainly not without things to discuss! First of all, in Naked Now the chief engineer was a woman. Now it’s a guy? Where has she gone?! It’s not even the deputy from Naked Now.
Cindee: In season 1, they change chief engineers like every 5 minutes. It’s kinda weird there isn’t a chief engineer among the main cast.
Martha: On a side note Wesley’s jumpers are a genuine delight. I hope there’s someone making them out there because I want them all.
Cindee: There is a particular one that ThinkGeek.com has made several items to look like
Martha: Fantastic, I would wear them all.
Cindee: Noted
Martha: So Wesley, or ‘the boy’ as he is mostly referred to. They seem to be setting him up as some child genius
Cindee: Really, what tipped you off?
Martha: Hah! He also gets the brunt of the random Picard angry outbursts this episode
“move!” “Don’t interrupt me!” “What is the boy doing here?!”
Cindee: What indeed…
Martha: Being the only character to actually know what’s going on, that’s what!
Cindee: Yeah that’ll get old fast though.
Martha: It makes me question the Star Fleet training!
Cindee: Like, it is meaningless or something? Cause this stupid boy can do all the things?
Martha: Well he’s the only one! So it’s both unnecessary and not fit for purpose
Cindee: Really he’s only an engineering genius, at the academy they have other topics.
Martha: Yet again Star fleet isn’t really following its own laws and is quite happy to kill an unknown alien to help themselves Which they have no knowledge of its physiology but can revive it at will whenever needed
Cindee: See, it’s Dr. Crusher who is the genius!
Martha:That’s where Wesley gets it from!
Cindee: I don’t remember them killing anyone this episode.
Martha: The time travel being, who says space and time and distance don’t exist, hey didn’t kill him. He was dying anyway or whatever, I get that
BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT. They’re warned repeatedly that he won’t last.
Cindee: You think he’s dead?
Martha: No I think he’s fazed off somewhere else.
Cindee: Well that’s not the same as dead at all
Martha: My point is they don’t know this. They even say ‘better get what you need fast’ when she revived him again. Yes they didn’t kill him but they were prepared to.
Cindee: hmmmm I don’t know about that
Martha: Don’t make me get the script, I WILL!
Cindee: hahahaha. I feel like the traveler is going to be just fineMartha: Oh I loved Worfs pet!
Cindee: So, you’re a targ fan. OK. Seems like a targ is about us un-cat-like as can be
Martha: Obviously
I like the idea that Worf walks around thinking about him
And Picard thinks about the ship not existing
And that other guy thinks about fire.
Cindee: I find the idea that Worf had a targ difficult to accept
Martha: Wasn’t he raised by humans…
Cindee: Exactly
Martha: Wikipedia, I have glanced at it
Cindee: Wait you can’t do that!
Martha: I wanted to see where he came from before you told me all Klingons are cool now. Forgive me
Cindee: WELL. Maybe you should make your blog with Wikipedia then!
Martha: That would probably be much more helpful. I’m glad you agree.
Cindee: I’m plenty helpful
Martha: Wikipedia agrees that Picard was willing to sacrifice the traveller…
Cindee: No it doesn’t.Marha: It can do in a minute…
Martha: Okay I enjoyed the terrible jokes
‘Shall we call Dr Crusher?’
‘Why? IS SOMEONE ILL?!?’
Chortle
Cindee: I can’t remember, did anyone die in this episode? Like, actually die, not fade away
Martha: Just Picard’s compassion…
Cindee: hahahaha ok, No one died. Well that’s unusual
Martha: I feel on the whole this was a good non problematic episode. However
There was a man in a miniskirt, and whilst I’d love to think ‘wow, ahead of the times here Star Trek!’ I feel that’s not the case…
Cindee: Well, I think they wanted to think that they were
Martha: By having men in miniskirts as well as ladies?
Cindee: Yes. Supposedly they were planning on making Geordi gay but then chickened out on that
Martha: Is men in skirts a thing in TOS?
Cindee: No, but being inconsistently ahead of the times sure was. ALL the women had short skirts.
Martha: In TNG are they defending TOS by saying ‘oh I’m sure some offscreen guys had skirts too!’
Cindee: oh you mean like retroactively?
Martha: Yeah I guess I’m assuming it happened as a reaction
Cindee: I think that they were trying to be forward thinking, I don’t know that they were retconning TOS though.
Martha: Well I’ve already brought up Troi’s pilot outfit, so I assume other people noticed all women in TOS has little skirts
Cindee: Right but sexism
Martha: Okay. Let me go out on a limb and say that Picard, Riker, Data, Worf, La Forge, never rock the mini…
Cindee: Well, spoilers, but correct
Martha: Hahaha so, forward thinking but only background characters
Cindee: Correct
Martha: Interesting about La Forge
Cindee: Yeah too bad they didn’t go through with it WIMPS
Martha: I’d have though the obvious 80s choice would be to have Yar be gay.
Female, short hair, good at fighting, must be gay!
Cindee: WELL aren’t we heteronormative!
Martha: 80’s Star Trek is the most heteronormative of all the Heteronorms that have ever normed this planet!
But yeah, I guess I don’t have much to say on this one! All in all a half decent sci fi episode?
Cindee: I guess . . . I’ve seen better
Martha: Well I haven’t YOUVE SEEN WHAT IVE SEEN And it has not been good! Of the 6 I’ve seen this is the best. Like we have space/time/distance not existing being introduced. Some interaction with other vessel staff, even though he’s a douche.
Cindee: Hmmm. Yeah I think it’s okay Let me check my ranking list…
it is ranked 127
Martha: Do you have a ranking for it out of season 1 alone? Or season 1/2 alone?
Cindee: Ranked by season? What kind of a freak would do that…
Martha : Okay so first I have questions about the sexy party episode, and general questions. So, as you know I know nothing about Star Trek, for example I had no idea it was a travelling ‘community’ rather than just a crew exploring new planets. Like the families and everything. Is that new for TNG and does it continue throughout the whole thing?
Cindee: Oh yeah it’s extremely dangerous. Also, you know how in Encounter at Farpoint, they separate the ship into two parts to keep some people out of harm’s way? Yeah, well there are about a million times in the future where it would have made lots of sense to separate the ship to keep people safe. But they basically never do it.
Cindee: touché.
Martha: OH MAN WE HAVE TO COME BACK TO CALLOUSED FEELINGS! CALLOUSED FEELINGS CINDEE
Cindee: What are you rambling on about?
Martha: Dr Crusher says something about seeing death too much. And she wishes doctors got callouses on their feelings so they didn’t feel them anymore, and Picard’s all ‘maybe good doctors never get calloused feelings’
Cindee: Oh wow…
Martha: Okay one last thing!
Giving them a horse as a gift, and they give zero shits about the horse. He moves it away from himself immediately!
Cindee: Why DID they give him the horse anyways?
Martha: Like as an example of our ancient culture and how we have ~similarities~ They weren’t impressed with it. Though I do like Data correcting Picard
Cindee: Well then you’re gonna love this show!
Until the next time…
Martha: So time to get excited, Martha has started watching Star Trek on Netflix….
Cindee: Which one?
Martha: Okay so I’m hoping I’ve got this right. I’m watching TNG right now.
Cindee: Do you feel a strong need to have watched them all? Cause if not, skip straight to season 3. Seasons 1 and 2 are complete shit.
Martha: Oh, thank god. I was like what the fuck is this? Why does Cindee like this so bad?
Cindee: I’d have to say, of the three TNG era Star Treks, TNG by far has the worst pilot.
Martha: It’s fantastic. Riker being randomly suspicious of everything, including apples. Space jellyfish saying ‘thanks.’ The random Q guy’s appearances, and his ‘test’ which I’m still not ENTIRELY sure what it was.
Cindee: To be fair, Riker was right about the apples.
Martha: He was, BUT he’d already gone in there all “WOAHHHHH THIS IS WEIRDLY GOOD!”
Cindee: To be honest I haven’t seen that episode that many times on account of it being shit.
Martha: Does Troi get a bit less, annoying?
Cindee: Not really.
Martha: Great.
Cindee: Yeah, she was a step back for feminism. Wesley also remains annoying.
Martha: Well he’s a kid now so I can half deal with it. If he continues to be annoying we may need to have words. However, being the son of Dr. Crusher won’t help.
Cindee: Wait what do you have against her? I love her.
Martha: Just the fact she’s called Dr. Crusher, which sounds like a terrible 80’s children’s toy.
Cindee: Well, it WAS made in the 80s. I feel like we need a blog.